


I'm Not Here to Make Friends, I'm Here to Make Crystal Meth

by UmbrielBrechen



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reality Show, Crystal Magic, Crystal Meth, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, M/M, Organized Crime, Past Relationship(s), Stupid house drama, drug trade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-01-06 01:25:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 55,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12201192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbrielBrechen/pseuds/UmbrielBrechen
Summary: When news of South Park’s growing success of living standards, MTV hits up the small mountain town to make a new hit reality television show… Starring some of the most dysfunctional group of teenagers.





	1. Some Interview Tapes and The first day, Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally made a couple of months ago or something, but I took it down because of an error I left. Updates are inconsistent due to college.

Contestants-

  1. Stanley “Stan” Marsh
  2. Kyle Broflovski
  3. Eric Cartman
  4. Kenneth “Kenny” McCormick
  5. Leopold “Butters” Stotch 
  6. Craig Tucker
  7. Clyde Donovan
  8. Token Black
  9. Jimmy Valmer
  10. Tweek Tweak
  11. Wendy Testaburger
  12. Bebe Stevens
  13. Heidi Turner
  14. Rebecca “Red” Tucker
  15. Nichole Daniels 



 

Contestant- Craig Tucker 

 

Cameraman: State your name, age, plans after high school, and a little bit about yourself.

 

Craig: *Intense eye roll* I’m Craig Tucker, 17, I plan on Engineering or Biology in California or something. I don’t want to be here, my school nominated me to be here. 

 

Cameraman: Ok… Why do you think you can win  _ Cliche? _

 

Craig: I don’t, I’m leaving as soon as I can. 

 

Cameraman: Um… I’m about to give you a list of your fellow competitors, they all go to the same high school as you-

 

Craig: Wait what-

 

Cameraman: Tell me if you know them or not.

 

Craig: *Snatches paper*... *crumples paper* Fuck my life. *Blushes*

 

Cameraman: I take you know some of them.

 

Craig: I hate half of them. Especially  _ Marsh _ .

 

Cameraman: I take it you have some sort of romantic attraction to one of them?

 

Craig: No, *Bleep* you *Censored middle finger*

 

Cameraman: Maybe… That can give you an incentive to be in the  _ Cliche  _ house… And possibly win this. 

 

Craig: Maybe. 

 

Cameraman: And potentially give you-

 

Craig: Alright *Bleep* you, show me where the *Bleep* house is.

  
  


Contestant: Stan Marsh 

 

Cameraman: State your name, age, plans after high school, and a little bit about yourself.

 

Stan: Um, hi. I’m Stanley Marsh, but it’s just Stan. I’m 17 years old. I’m probably gonna play football at Colorado State, studying Engineering. 

 

Cameraman: Oh that’s cool! Why do you think you can win  _ Cliche _ ?

 

Stan: Well, I’m pretty strong, I’m like six feet tall, taller than almost everyone basically. I’m pretty smart, not as much as my girlfriend though. And well,  _ most  _ people like me. 

 

Cameraman: Most people? Care to explain who?

 

Stan: (Disgusted face) *Bleep*  _ Tucker.  _

 

Cameraman: (Uncomfortable) Um… Ok. Um… I’m about to give you a list of your fellow competitors, they all go to the same high school as you, tell me if you know any of them.

 

Stan: *Takes list* Ok. Hmm… Wait a minute… I know everyone! Wendy’s here too? Kyle! Oh my god, Kyle’s here! Wait a minute…  _ Tucker _ . 

 

Cameraman: Is Kyle your best friend?

 

Stan: Yeah dude! We’ve been friends since we were kids! Dude, we’re gonna kick ass! One of us is definitely winning, I’m sure of it. 

 

Cameraman: I’m sure you will. 

  
  


Contestant: Wendy Testaburger 

 

Cameraman: State your name, age, plans after high school, and a little bit about yourself.

 

Wendy: Hey America! I’m Wendy Testaburger, I’m 17 years old, and I go to Park High School. My plans are probably studying Accounting, maybe Business, and I’ll probably study abroad in Sweden! 

 

Cameraman: I wish I could travel to Sweden! Why do you think you can win  _ Cliche _ ?

 

Wendy: Well I for one, no offence to the other contestants, am stronger, smarter, maybe prettier, and way more determined to win the grand prize… Which is…? 

 

Cameraman: Um… That’s a surprise! Now I’m gonna-

 

Wendy: Wait a minute! None of the contestants know what the prize is?

 

Cameraman: Um… I’m about to give you a list of your fellow competitors, they all go to the same high school as you, tell me if you know any of them.

 

Wendy: Answer my question.

 

(Screen cuts to fuzz)

 

Wendy: Oh my god! Stan’s here! And the girls oh my god this is gonna be so fun!

 

Cameraman: That’s great! Is there anyone that you don’t like?

 

Wendy: I mean, I’m pretty much good with everyone, I don’t think people hate me  _ that  _ mu- WAIT! ERIC CARTMAN!? CRAIG TUCKER?! 

 

(Screen cuts to fuzz)

 

And that is all the audition tapes we have for you folks! Tune in Next week to see the very first episode of  _ Cliche _ .

 

Who will win the $100,000 grand prize?

 

Who will walk away with nothing?

 

And most importantly, who is here to make friends, and who is here to win?

 

Chapter 2- The first day part 1 

 

_ Welcome to the first episode of “Cliche”, MTV’s hottest new reality show, set in South Park, Colorado, fifteen teenagers battle it out for the chance to win the grand prize of $100,000! Before we meet the contestants, let’s see the “Cliche” house! _

 

_ (Transitions to epic overview of a three story house) _

 

_ In general, the house is made with the finest technology money can buy (for a civilian). On the first floor, we have our kitchen, fully equipped with a refrigerator, a stove, a set of cupboards and counters, a blender, a microwave, an oven, a food processor, along with other kitchen necessities for 21st century comfort!  _

_ Next to the kitchen, we have the dining table and the morning meeting table, where contestants are to eat and socialize with the other contestants at their assigned names for the day. Next to the dining table, we have the living room, fully stocked with gaming consoles and video games (with purchase), books, a fooseball table, and other forms of entertainment.  _

 

_ On the second floor, we have the Bedrooms. However, we were only able to purchase 13 beds and six rooms. Looks like some of the contestants are going to have to sleep with each other! Also on the second floor, we have our confessionals room, fully equipped with tissues for their issues and  _ _ pot _ _ food for their snot. We also have three bathrooms for and showers for the contestants to do their business.  _

 

_ On the third and final floor, we have five more bathrooms and a small gym for the contestants to work out in.  _

 

_ Now, are you ready to meet the “Cliche” contestants!? Here’s one right now.  _

 

Cartman walks through the ornate garden, rolling his four luggages along with him. 

 

**Confessionals: Eric Cartman, age 17**

**Eric: Hi America! Tee-hee *blushes* I’m Eric Cartman, I’m seventeen years old, and I live in a small gentrified town called South Park in Colorado. One thing you should know about me is that I’m a very fragile person and I’m prone to crying. I honestly don’t know if I’ll make it past the first episode without being voted off, but I hope that you’ll all support me! Also, please just call me Cartman, my first name is** **_way_ ** **too embarrassing! *blushes again***

 

Cartman’s attempts at whispering to himself: hehehe, I’m gonna kick all their asses. 

 

_ We see Cartman entering the “Cliche” house as he plops his bags against the wall  _

 

Cartman: Alright, where’s the *bleep* food? I’m *bleep* starving. 

 

_ Cartman opens the refrigerator door in hunger, but screams in agony as there is nothing there to eat. And look, another contestant!  _

 

**Confessionals: Tweek Tweak, age 17**

**Tweek: Ah! Oh Jesus, this is way too much pressure!**

 

**Cameraman: Just say something!**

 

**Tweek: Ahh! Ilikecoffee!**

 

_ Tweek opens the door, alarmed to see someone’s bags in the room already.  _

 

Tweek: H-hello? Is anyone here?

 

_ Cartman peeps his head out of the pantry. _

 

Cartman: Oh *bleep* no. 

 

**Confessionals: Wendy Testaburger, age 17**

**Wendy: Hi America, it’s me again! So I’m walking towards the house, and of course I feel** **_so_ ** **excited! I hope I meet new friends!**

 

_ We see Wendy entering the house, but immediately stops in shock at the sight of Tweek.  _

 

Wendy: Tweek?

 

Tweek: W-wendy?

 

Cartman: Who the *bleep*- oh *bleep* no.

 

Wendy: *Bleep* my life right now. 

 

**Confessionals: Stan Marsh, age 17**

**Stan: Hey dudes! Stan here again, I’m entering the house right now!**

 

_ Stan opens the door, but sees someone blocking it.  _

 

Stan: Wendy?!

 

Wendy: Stan!

 

Tweek: Gah!

 

Cartman: What the *bleep* is this bull*bleep*!? 

 

**Confessionals: Red Tucker, age 17**

**Red: Hey guys! It’s me Red, I didn’t get the chance to have my interview air, but basically I’m Red, not Rebecca, I’m not a basic *bleep*. One thing that you need to know about me is that I play dirty to get what I want, and I’m not afraid to sabotage my own friends to get to where I need to be.**

 

_ Red opens the door, but stops when she sees people blocking it.  _

 

Red: Wendy oh my gosh it’s you!

 

Wendy: Red!

 

Tweek: Oh Jesus what’s going on?!

 

Cartman: Shut the *bleep* up spaz!

 

Stan: Dude stop being such a dick! 

 

Cartman: Oh *bleep* you Stan! 

 

_ Tune in next week to see the next part of episode 1 of “Cliche” Now, here’s a sneak preview of what’s to come! _

 

**Wendy: *Bleep* you ya *Bleep* alcoholic!**

 

**Stan: At least I don’t sleep around with their boyfriend’s friend!**

 

**Wendy: At least I don’t *Bleep* my best friend!**

 

**_Close up on Bebe’s face_ **

**Bebe: Oh my god you guys, Drama bomb!**

  
  
  


**Craig: Ya know what Marsh, maybe I wouldn’t be so touchy feely around Kyle IF YOU DIDN’T PUT YOUR *BLEEP* HANDS ON *BLEEP* TWEEK!**

 

**Stan: MAYBE I WOULDN’T GO AROUND TOUCHING TWEEK IF YOU DIDN’T GO AROUND *BLEEP* TOUCHING KYLE!**

 

**Clyde: Guys calm down!**

 

**Craig and Stan: SHUT THE *BLEEP* UP CLYDE!**

**_Close up on Clyde’s crying face_ **

  
  
  


**Heidi: Don’t you guys just hate how Stan’s in all the drama in the house?**

 

**Jimmy: He’s actually just a p-p-p-pussy.**

 

**Stan: Is there something you want to say to my face Jimmy?**

  
  
  


**Token: Why the hell are you awake at 3AM, Red?**

 

**Red: Because Token, crystal meth doesn’t cook itself.**


	2. Chapter 1, part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More people enter the house, the first round of the competition begins!

(A/N: Hey guys! Part two is here! If any of you care, I actually did have a story that I’ve been working on for a very long time called _Welcome… Now go Away,_ that story is currently on long term hiatus but I do intend on continuing on with that story. Unfortunately the real reason I stopped writing that story was because well, I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing with that story. So no, it’s not dead, it’s just suffering. Thanks for listening!)

 

_Previously on Cliche,_

 

_The Cliche house is up and ready to meet its inhabitants! Yesterday, it was obviously revealed that the contestants knew each other previously to the competition._

 

_(Flashback on Wendy’s interview)_

**_Wendy: Oh my god Stan’s here!_ **

 

_And the reactions weren’t all that cheerful_

**_Cartman: Who the *bleep*- oh *bleep* no._ **

 

_Tensions are rising…_

**_Red: Wendy! Oh my gosh, it’s you!_ **

 

_How well the rest of the house react to the rest of the contestants? Find out in part two, of this episode of, “Cliche”!_

 

**Tweek Tweak, age 17 confessional**

**Tweek: Ahh! What’s going on?! I didn’t sign up to be with these people! I want out! I want out!**

 

_Tweek huddles in the corner in solitude as the rest of the house reacts to their housemates._

 

Stan: Wendy! Oh my god, this is great!

 

Cartman: Get a “Bleep” room Stan *Eyeroll*

 

(Close up on Wendy’s bitch face)

 

**Wendy Testaburger, age 17 confessional**

**Wendy: Ugh! Cartman’s here! I knew that though, I did yoga before entering the house, I’m pretty chill right now. But just know America, I am NOT here to make friends… Well, technically they are all my friends, but you get my point!**

 

Wendy: You know what Cartman? Why don’t you take your fat *Bleep* *Bleep* out of here and find food somewhere else.

 

Cartman: Yeah!? Well, *Bleep* you guys! I’m going upstairs!

 

Wendy: Yeah, you do that. *Eyeroll*

 

**Red Tucker, age 17 confessional**

**Red: I’m honestly just waiting til’ this *Bleep* falls over.**

 

_Outside of the “Cliche” house, we see even more contestants fill in the lot._

 

**Clyde Donovan, age 17 confessional**

**Clyde: Yo, what up America! Clyde’s in the house!**

 

Clyde: This place is *Bleep* huge.

 

_Clyde enters through the house, and immediately smiles at the sight of people he knows. He actually had major anxiety before walking into the house, but now he’s relieved._

 

Clyde: Clyde’s in the house!

 

_Wendy and Stan turn around, and is alarmed to see Clyde immediately drop his bags on the floor and go straight to the refrigerator._

 

Clyde: *Bleep*, nothing’s in here.

 

Red: Why is everyone going straight to the fridge?

 

Stan: Dude, Clyde what the *Bleep*?

 

Clyde: Huh? Oh, hey Stan, hi Wendy. Where’s the grub?

 

Wendy: *Intense eye roll* I’m going outside, Stanley, tell me if anyone else walks into the house.

 

Stan: Huh? Oh yeah, sure.

 

_Outside of the house, we see two more people walking in, both of them are holding hands. Interesting, hmm?_

 

**Kenneth “Kenny McCormick and Leopold “Butters” Stotch, age 17, age 17 confessional**

**Butters: It sure is nice how the producers let us use the confessional at the same time, Kenny!**

 

**Kenny: Hey America! *Eyebrow raise and sensual smirk***

 

_We see both Kenny and Butters walk into the house, both of them smiling in anticipation._

 

Butters: Gee Kenny, I wonder who we’ll find in the house?

 

Kenny: Hopefully it isn’t Cartman, the only reason why I signed up for this *Bleep* was to get away from his fat *Bleep*. And of course to be with you Buttercup!

 

_Both boys are now inside the house. Stan looks up from staring at the counter and stares at Kenny awkwardly._

 

Stan: Kenny?

 

Kenny: What the *Bleep*? Stan? Holy *Bleep* it’s you. *Man Hug*

 

Stan: Dude! Why didn’t you tell me that you and Butters are joining this *Bleep*.

 

Kenny: I honestly got bribed to be here.

 

Stan: Oh. Hey Butters.

 

Butters: Hey Stan! Hi Tweek!

 

Tweek: Agh!

 

Butters: Nice to see you too!

 

_As the three boys talk on the first floor, let’s go upstairs to see what Red’s up to._

 

Red: Someone remind me why I signed up for this *Bleep*.

 

Cartman: No one wants to hear you monologue to yourself *Bleep*.

 

Red: Go *Bleep* yourself you fat *Bleep*.

 

Cartman: I don’t think you’ve realized this Red, but this whole upperfloor is my domain until the rest of these losers gets their sorry *Bleep* in this *Bleep* house.

 

Red: How’s your pursuit in food coming along?

 

Cartman: That’s none of your business you “Bleep* wench. Goddamn it where’s the “Bleep” food!

 

Red: Maybe you ate it already.

 

Cartman: Why don’t you get your *Bleep* out of my domain.

 

Red: Of course, I’m afraid that you’ll eat me too.

 

Cartman: *Bleep* you *Bleep* I’mma do what I want!

 

*Close up on Cartman’s annoyed expression*

 

**Jimmy Valmer, age 17 confessional**

**Jimmy: H-H-How’s it going A-a-a-America! I-I’m Jimmy Valmer!**

 

_We see Jimmy walk towards the house in anticipation._

 

Jimmy: I h-h-hope I don’t see some a-a-assholes here. I got signed up f-f-for this sh-sh-sh-shit just so I can get away from C-C-Craig and everyone else.

 

_Jimmy enters the house and puts his bags down with everyone else’s._

 

Stan: Hey Jimmy.

 

Jimmy:... *Bleep* this *Bleep*, I’m o-o-out of here.

 

Loudspeakers: Attention _Cliche_ house guests! Please gather in the dining table!

 

Kenny: Damn, guess the competition’s starting.

 

_We see Red and Cartman walking down the stairs, both of them still arguing about nothing. Wendy walks into the house with multiple flower crowns, but just throws them in the trash, and Stan and Clyde pick up Tweek from his corner and sets him on a chair._

 

Butters: Pardon me loudspeakers, but why is there more seating here than necessary?

 

Loudspeakers: Good Afternoon _Cliche_ guests! I’ll be your host for this game. You may have noticed that there are more chairs here than necessary. However, that is because you have all been pre-selected by our audience to partake in the first round of the competition!

 

Red: What? How is that fair?

 

Loudspeakers: The first round of the competition is a trivia game, we will see who truly knows who the best. Please stand up and get away from the dining table.

 

_Everyone stands up and walks away from the table. At that moment, the room shakes violently, but none of the furniture appears to be moving._

 

Kenny: Earthquake!

 

Stan: Everyone duck and cover!

 

Jimmy: W-w-wait, look at the dining table!

 

_We see the dining table lower underneath the floor, and a giant circle full of podiums take it’s place._

 

Loudspeakers: Please find your name.

 

Cartman: Great, I have to stand next to the spaz.

 

Tweek: Agh! *Bleep* you!

 

Wendy: Why is everyone on the opposite side of the circle from me?

 

Cartman: Because no one wants your gross feminist germs.

 

Wendy: You know what-

 

Stan: Wendy, chill.

 

Wendy: *Eye roll*.

 

Clyde: Why is there empty podiums?

 

Loudspeakers: Welcome to your first round of competition! Here is how the challenge will work. I will ask one of you one question regarding another member of the house. If you answer correctly, that person will get to enter the next round. If you answer incorrectly however, you are eliminated from the game. These questions will be about your current houseguests and the other houseguests that are currently not here. Are you ready?

 

Red: No.

 

Loudspeakers: Then let us proceed! Round 1! Clyde,

 

Clyde: *Bleep*.

 

Clyde: What is Butter’s real name?

 

Clyde: Wait, Butter’s isn’t your real name?

 

Kenny: What the hell? Of course Butter’s isn’t his real name.

 

Clyde: *Bleep* I don’t know.

 

Loudspeakers: That is incorrect. Butter’s real name, is Leopold. Clyde, you are eliminated, with last place.

 

Cartman: Haha! Dumb*Bleep*.

 

Clyde: Oh, like you knew Butter’s real name.

 

Loudspeakers: Clyde, please step off the podium. Next question, Tweek.

 

Tweek: Agh!

 

Loudspeakers: What is, Red’s, real name?

 

Tweek: Ahh! Rebecca!

 

Loudspeakers: That is, correct.

 

Red: Wait, how do you know that?

 

Tweek: Craig and you are cousins right?

 

Red: Oh, ok.

 

Clyde: Wait, I didn’t know that.

 

Red: That’s because you’re a dumb *Bleep*.

 

Clyde: *Ugly Cry face*

 

Loudspeakers: Next question, Wendy.

 

Wendy: Ok, let’s do this.

 

Loudspeakers: Who does, Stan, masturbate to when he is drunk?

 

Stan: Wait, wait, wait, how the hell do you guys know that information?! And why does Tweek and Clyde get easy questions?!

 

Wendy: It’s ok sweety! He obviously jerks off to me!

 

Loudspeakers: Answer is, incorrect. Wendy, please step off the podium.

 

Wendy: WHAT?! W-well, you’re drunk so…

 

_We see Wendy step into the kitchen to get a drink of water._

 

Wendy: Right? It is just because he’s drunk?


	3. This chapter!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out.

Chapter 1 Part 3

 

_ Previously on Cliche, _

 

_ “Who does, Stan, masturbate to when he is drunk?” _

 

_ “*Bleep* you *Bleep* I’mma do what I want!” _

 

_ “That’s because you’re a dumb *Bleep*”  _

 

_ Who will win the first challenge? What will be the prize? Who will come out on top?  _

_ Find out, all in this conclusion to Episode 1 on “Cliche” _

 

_ Welcome back to “Cliche! We are currently on the first challenge. Clyde and Wendy has been eliminated from the challenge already. Tweek is the only contestant to have answered a question right. Cartman, Red, Jimmy, Stan, Kenny, and Butters have yet to answer a question.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Ok, next question! Butters! 

 

Butters: That’s me!

 

Loudspeakers: True or false, Bebe has a 4.2 GPA.

 

Cartman: Hah! That’s *Bleep* false, Bebe’s dumb as a rock.

 

Butters: Oh, sorry Eric, but that’s true. 

 

Loudspeakers: Correct! 

 

Cartman: What?! Oh *Bleep* you Bebe. 

 

Loudspeakers: Next question! Red! 

 

Red: Alright, it’s game time. 

 

Loudspeakers: Wendy has dated every boy, except Kyle.

 

Red: *Bleep* I don’t keep track of that *Bleep*. False? 

 

Loudspeakers: Correct! 

 

Red: Hah! Did you hear that Wendy!? I do listen to you!

Loudspeakers: Next question, Stan.

 

Stan: Let’s do this *Bleep*

 

Loudspeakers: True or False, Craig is Pansexual.

 

Stan: Of course you would give me this. Um… Isn’t he straight? 

 

Loudspeakers: That is incorrect. The correct answer is: Unknown. Please step off the podium.

 

Stan: Oh you *Bleep* gave me a question on Craig on purpose. 

 

Loudspeakers: Please step off the podium Stan.

 

Stan: Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time. 

 

Loudspeakers: Next question, Jimmy.

 

Jimmy: Y-y-yup?

 

Loudspeakers: If Nichole was to eat a slice of pizza or a slice of cake, what would Nichole eat?

 

Jimmy: *Bleep* should I-I-I know. She w-w-wouldn’t eat e-e-either of them.

 

Loudspeakers: That answer is incorrect. The correct answer is she will eat whatever she wants to. Please step off the podium.

 

Jimmy: *Bleep* you guys.

 

Loudspeakers: Next question, Kenny.

 

Kenny: Yeah?

 

Loudspeakers: Name one instance where Clyde hasn’t cried. 

 

Kenny: Uhh… It doesn’t exist?

 

Loudspeakers: That answer is correct. Last question for Round 1: Cartman. True or false, Tweek doesn’t drink iced coffee.

 

Tweek: Oh Jesus, this answer is so easy! 

 

Cartman: Uhh, True! 

 

Loudspeakers: That answer is, incorrect. The correct answer is, False, Tweek doesn’t drink iced coffee. Please step off the podium.

 

Cartman: Yeah, well *Bleep* you guys and your *Bleep* mind games. 

 

Loudspeakers: Round 1 is over. Winners of Round 1: Tweek, Butters, Red, and Kenny, please hang on tight. 

 

Tweek: WHAT?! Why do we need to hang on? 

 

_ As the four remaining contestants hold onto their podiums, we see those four move to the center of the circle, with the podiums facing each other.  _

 

Red: Excuse you, personal space!

 

Loudspeakers: Round 2, begin. Please look at the front of your podiums, this is a multiple choice test now, where all of you will be given the same answers. If you answer incorrectly, then you and whoever else answered incorrectly will be eliminated. Are you ready?

 

Tweek: Agh! NO!

 

Loudspeakers: Question 1: What is Stan’s mother’s name? Is it,

_ A.) Sharon _

_ B.) Tricia _

_ C.) Shania _

_ Or D.) Keesha _

 

Red: It’s definitely Keesha. 

 

Butters: Oh no, is it A or C?

 

Kenny: I *Bleep* know this!

 

Tweek: Oh Jesus, TOOMUCHPRESSURE! 

 

Loudspeakers: Answers now locked, let’s look at everyone’s answers. 

 

_ A.) Tweek, Red, Butters, Kenny _

_ B.) _

_ C.) _

_ D.) _

 

Loudspeakers: Everyone has passed Round 1. Round 2, next question. What is Heidi’s preferred weather at exactly 2 in the morning? 

 

Tweek: Why is it so specific!?

 

Red: *Bleep*

 

Butters: Uhh…

 

Kenny: This is so unrealistic. 

 

Loudspeakers: Is it,

_ A.) 45.3 degrees F. _

_ B.) Hot and Sunny _

_ C.) Hailing _

_ D.) It doesn’t matter  _

 

Loudspeakers: Please lock in your answers. 

 

Butters: Well I know that I like my weather at 2AM to be just the perfect amount of cold to snuggle in blankets. 

 

Tweek: AGH!

 

Kenny: *Bleep* it. 

 

Red: I knew I should listen to conversations more… 

 

Loudspeakers: Answers now locked. Let’s looks at the answers. 

A.) Kenny, Locked in first.

B.) Butters, Locked in third.

C.) Tweek, Locked in fourth. 

D.) Red, Locked in second.

 

Loudspeakers: Congratulation Red! You are the first winner of the first  _ Cliche  _ house challenge!

 

Red: AHHH! *BLEEP* YEAH MOTHER*BLEEP* YES!!!

 

Loudspeakers: Let’s look at the leaderboard for this challenge:

  1. Red
  2. Kenny
  3. Butters
  4. Tweek
  5. Jimmy
  6. Wendy
  7. Stan
  8. Cartman
  9. Clyde



 

Clyde: Why am I last place? *Bleep* it! 

 

Loudspeakers: We will now look at the scoreboard for the other  _ Cliche  _ house guests!

 

Wendy: What? But they weren’t here! 

 

Loudspeakers: We had them do their own game earlier to give them an even shot!

 

  1. Bebe
  2. Craig
  3. Token
  4. Nichole
  5. Heidi
  6. Kyle 



 

Stan: Dammit Kyle. 

 

Cartman: Hah! That *Bleep* Jew! 

 

Wendy: Get it Bebe! 

 

Red: *Bleep* Yeah! 

 

Loudspeakers: When combining the two scoreboards, we get something like this- 

 

  1. Bebe
  2. Craig
  3. Red
  4. Kenny
  5. Butters
  6. Tweek
  7. Jimmy
  8. Token
  9. Nichole
  10. Wendy
  11. Stan
  12. Heidi
  13. Kyle
  14. Cartman
  15. Clyde



 

Red: Bebe’s my rival. 

 

Wendy: Wendy Testaburger does not get 10th place! 

 

Clyde: No! Why am I still in last place!? 

 

Cartman: *Bleep* you, why am I second to last place!? 

 

Stan: How did Craig get second place?! 

 

Butters: Yay! High five Kenny, we got the top five! 

 

Loudspeakers: Tonight, we will add your scores to the viewer scores, then we will see who is eliminated first. 

 

Wendy: Wait what!? An elimination was not apart of the contract! 

 

Jimmy: G-g-good, I don’t want t-t-t-to be here with you assholes. 

 

_ The podiums move back to their original positions. When the table is back in place, everyone stares at eachother.  _

 

**Wendy Confessional**

**Wendy: Something’s fishy about this competition, and I’m gonna get down to the bottom of it!**

 

**Tweek Confessional**

**Tweek: Oh god, how much does Craig know about everyone if he got second place!?**

 

**Clyde Confessional**

**Clyde: No! I don’t wanna go home!**

 

**Cartman Confessional**

**Cartman: If it weren’t for *Bleep* Red I would be at the top of my game. That *Bleep* is going down.**

 

**Red Confessional**

**Red: How much do you guys want to bet that Wendy’s going home first? *Devious laugh***

 

**Stan Confessional**

**Stan: I refuse to *Bleep* lose against anyone! And I do NOT jerk off to Kyle when I’m drunk! Don’t *Bleep* believe in anyone, and I am NOT an alcoholic!**

 

**Jimmy Confessional**

**Jimmy: I re-re-really hope I’m going home f-f-first.**

 

**Butters and Kenny Confessional**

**Kenny: There’s no way Buttercup or me is going home first.**

 

**Butters: I bet it’s Eric or Wendy!**

 

_ Later on that day…  _

 

_ Tensions rise in the Cliche house. We see Wendy writing in a journal outside.  _

 

**Wendy Confessional**

**Wendy: My plan is to target everyone’s weakness and exploit them… What? I said I’m winning this game!**

 

Wendy: *Whispers* Let’s see what Tweek’s up to… 

 

_ Wendy glares at Tweek from across the backyard. Tweek seems oblivious to Wendy’s actions, as he sips his coffee in the sun.  _

 

Tweek: Oh Jesus, everyone’s after me! 

 

Wendy: *Whispers* Fuck he knows! *Closes up journal and runs off*. 

 

_ Now let’s check in with Stan, Red, and Jimmy. _

 

_ We see Stan near the dining table, pacing back and forth furiously, with Red and Jimmy staring at him, obviously uncomfortable.  _

 

Stan: There has to be a way for America to like me… 

 

**Red Confessional**

**Red: I’ll be the first to admit, Stanley Marsh is HOT A.F. And he has a brain! But he is also, gay A.F.**

 

Stan: Oh *Bleep* you guys aren’t helpful. *Leaves room*.

 

_ Red smirks deviously and looks at Jimmy.  _

 

Red: (Nicely) Hey Jimmy!

 

Jimmy: W-what’s up Red?

 

Red: Who do you think is the biggest competition, RIGHT NOW.

 

Jimmy: You and Bebe.

 

Red: Exactly, Stan- Wait what?

 

Jimmy: Like I said, you and Bebe.

 

**Jimmy Confessional**

**Jimmy: I already know R-R-Red’s game.**

 

Jimmy: I know the game you’re trying to p-p-play Red, and it won’t w-work against m-m-me. 

 

Red: *Stands up forcefully* Yeah, well I don’t *Bleep* need your *Bleep* too Jimmy. *Flips off and leaves* 

 

*Close up on Jimmy’s face*

 

Jimmy: She is s-s-so Craig’s cousin.

 

_ *Montage of sun setting at a fast froward pace in various areas in Colorado* _

 

Loudspeakers: Welcome back Cliche house guests!

 

Cartman: Where the *Bleep* are we?  __

 

Loudspeakers: Welcome to your first elimination ceremony! This area is in the secret garden outside of the regular garden. Please step on a circle. 

 

Kenny: Why?

 

Loudspeakers: Because it is now elimination time. Will the second group of houseguests please walk in! 

 

_ We see Bebe, Craig, Token, Nichole, Heidi, and Kyle walk in from the main garden.  _

 

Stan: KYLE!

 

Kyle: Hey dude. (Knows that Stan jerks off to him when he’s drunk) 

 

Bebe: What is up America, Queen Bebe is back!

 

Wendy: It got to her head already. 

 

Clyde: TOKEN!!!

 

Token: Hey Clyde. 

 

Heidi: Eric.

 

Cartman: Heidi. It’s been a while.

 

Heidi: *Bleep* off.

 

Cartman: Well *Bleep* you too *Bleep*.

 

Wendy: Nichole, over here!

 

Nichole: Hey ladies! 

 

Red: Nichole, get you *Bleep* over here! 

 

Clyde: CRAIG!!!

 

Craig: *Stares at Clyde* *Turns to Tweek and smiles creepily* Hey Tweekers.

 

Tweek: Oh Jesus! Hey Craig!

 

Clyde: Craig!

 

Craig: How’s the competition going so far?

 

Clyde: CRAIG!!!

 

Craig: *Ignores Clyde* *Leans towards Tweek* *Smiles Creepily* 

 

Tweek: OHJESUSINEEDCOFFEE. 

 

Stan: *Bleep* you Craig.

 

Craig: Why don’t you go *Bleep* Broflovski, Marsh. 

 

Stan: YOUKNOWWHATCRAIG-

 

Clyde: *Still ignored* 

 

Loudspeakers: Ok everyone, please step on a circle. When I call your name, please step on the giant log to your left, you are safe for the week. Your callout order is your current place in the competition, with your score being used to judge you. Your score is made up of your current score from the challenge and the amount of people that voted for you. 

 

Jimmy: L-l-l-let’s get this *Bleep* over with. 

 

Loudspeakers: In current first place is…

 

*Close up on Clyde’s face*

 

*Close up on Bebe’s face*

 

*Close up on Cartman’s face* 

 

Loudspeakers: Bebe! 

 

Bebe: Ahhh!!! *Bleep* Yeah! 

 

Wendy: You go Bebe!

 

Nichole: Yaaaaaaaaaz get it Bebe! 

 

_ Leaderboard: _

 

  * __Bebe__



 

 

Loudspeakers: Now, we have a three way tie for second place. 

 

Kenny: Oh *Bleep* 

 

Loudspeakers: Part of the three way tie is…

 

*Close up on Tweek*

 

*Close up on Wendy*

 

*Close up on Nichole*

 

Loudspeakers: Craig, Butters and Kenny! 

 

Kenny: Hah, I knew America loves me! C’mere Buttercup! 

 

Craig: Yay.

 

_ Leaderboard:  _

 

  * __Bebe__


  * _Kenny, Craig and Butters_



 

 

Loudspeakers: Third place goes to… 

 

*Close up on Kyle’s face*

 

*Close up on Stan’s face*

 

*Close up on Heidi’s face* 

 

Loudspeakers:... Red! 

 

Red: *Bleep* (x10)

 

_ Leaderboard: _

 

  * __Bebe__


  * _Kenny, Craig, Butters_


  * _Red_



 

 

Loudspeakers: Ok. fourth place goes to… 

 

*Close up on Wendy’s face*

 

*Close up on Tweek’s face*

 

*Close up on Wendy’s face looking at Tweek* 

 

Loudspeakers: Token! 

 

All the guys except Cartman and Tweek: Toooooken!

 

Token: Wow, I placed higher than I thought. 

 

Loudspeakers: The audience said they like your intelligence. They think it’s sexy.

 

Token: Oh. Thanks America? 

 

_ Leaderboard: _

 

  * __Bebe__


  * _Kenny, Craig, Butters_


  * _Red_


  * _Token_



 

 

Loudspeakers: In fifth place…

 

*Close up on Nichole* 

 

*Close up on Clyde*

 

*Close up on Nichole again*

 

Loudspeakers: Nichole! 

 

_ Leaderboard: _

 

  * __Bebe__


  * _Kenny, Craig, Butters_


  * _Red_


  * _Token_


  * _Nichole_



 

 

Bebe: Yaaaaaaz!

 

Nichole: Yaaaaaaz!

 

Wendy: Yaaaaaaz!

 

Red: Yaaaaaaz!

 

Loudspeakers: We’ve got Tweek, Jimmy, Wendy, Stan, Heidi, Kyle, Cartman, and Clyde. 

 

*Looks at an anxious Tweek*

 

*Looks at a stoic Stan*

 

*Looks at a hyperventilating Clyde*

 

Loudspeakers: The next spot belongs too… 

 

*Looks at a bored Jimmy*

 

*Looks at a worrying Wendy*

 

*Looks at an even more anxious Tweek*

 

Loudspeakers: a tie between Tweek and Heidi! 

 

_ Leaderboard: _

 

  * __Bebe__


  * _Kenny, Craig, and Butters_


  * _Red_


  * _Token_


  * _Nichole_


  * _Tweek and Heidi_



 

 

Loudspeakers: Tweek, you were called so late because the audience thought you didn’t have any personality. 

 

Tweek: W-what!? I don’t have personality!? Oh Jesus I knew it!

 

Loudspeakers: And Heidi was called sooner because she did have personality.

 

**Heidi Confessional**

**Heidi: I literally didn’t say anything in the whole competition until I saw the girls and Cartman.**

 

Loudspeakers: Seventh place goes too… 

 

*Looks to a really freaking out Wendy*

 

*Looks to an apathetic Jimmy*

 

*Looks to a sobbing Clyde* 

 

Loudspeakers: Clyde! 

 

Everyone but Clyde: What?!

 

Craig: Didn’t he score the lowest out of everyone? 

 

Loudspeakers: Yeah, but Clyde actually placed Second on our popularity poll. 

 

Clyde: Oh my gosh, America does love me! 

 

Wendy: Wait, that many people watch this show?

 

Loudspeakers: And this is why you scored second to last Wendy. 

 

Wendy: Wait what?!

 

_ Leaderboard: _

 

  * __Bebe__


  * _Kenny, Craig, and Butters_


  * _Red_


  * _Token_


  * _Nichole_


  * _Tweek and Heidi_


  * _Clyde_



 

 

Loudspeakers: Jimmy, Wendy, Stan, Kyle, Cartman. From here on out, you each placed either 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th. 

 

Wendy: Respectively? 

 

Loudspeakers: Nope. 8th place actually goes to Kyle! 

 

Bebe: Shake it Kyle! 

 

Kyle: I’m not doing that.

 

Cartman: Hey! How the hell did the Jew place higher than me? 

 

Kyle: Because I have more personality than you. 

 

_ Leaderboard: _

 

  * __Bebe__


  * _Kenny, Craig, Butters_


  * _Red_


  * _Token_


  * _Nichole_


  * _Tweek and Heidi_


  * _Clyde_


  * _Kyle_



 

 

Cartman: *Bleep* you too Kahl. 

 

Loudspeakers: … Jimmy!

 

_ Leaderboard: _

 

  * __Bebe__


  * _Kenny, Craig, Butters_


  * _Red_


  * _Token_


  * _Nichole_


  * _Tweek and Heidi_


  * _Clyde_


  * _Kyle_


  * _Jimmy_



 

 

Wendy: He doesn’t even want to be here!

 

Jimmy: Well no o-o-one likes an over comp-p-plaining *Bleep* Wendy. 

 

Everyone: *Gasp*!

 

Jimmy: I’ve decided I d-d-do want to be here. And I’m w-w-winning. 

 

Bebe: Oh yeah, he is definitely not here to make friends.

 

Jimmy: You’re right Bebe, I-I-I’m not here to make fr-fr-friends, I’m here to w-w-win.

 

Loudspeakers: If you all must know, Jimmy is the second person to say that.

 

Nichole: Who’s the first? 

 

Loudspeakers: Wendy.

 

Cartman: Boo. Boo Wendy Testaburger boo. 

 

Wendy: Go stick a *Bleep* up your fat *Bleep* you *Bleep* piece of *Bleep*. 

 

Loudspeakers: And this is also why she is the second to last on the poll.

 

Cartman: Boo. Boo Wendy Testaburger boo. 

 

Wendy: Just *Bleep* say the next name!

 

Loudspeakers: Cartman!

 

Cartman: Ohh! Guess what you pieces of *Bleep* America likes me more than they like you two! 

 

_ Leaderboard: _

 

  * __Bebe__


  * _Kenny, Craig, Butters_


  * _Red_


  * _Token_


  * _Nichole_


  * _Tweek and Heidi_


  * _Clyde_


  * _Kyle_


  * _Jimmy_


  * _Cartman_



 

 

Loudspeakers: Will Stan and Wendy, please step forward. 

 

_ We see Stan and Wendy holding hands as they walk towards the giant loudspeaker.  _

 

Loudspeakers: You two are standing here because America thinks you guys have too much personality.

 

Stan: I’m sorry, but does personality have anything to do with this?

 

Craig: This is a reality show dumb*Bleep* 

 

Stan: Go suck a dick Craig.

 

Craig: (Maybe I will)

 

Loudspeakers: Stan, America thinks that you need to go to Rehab. 

 

Stan: I AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC!!!

 

Loudspeakers: Wendy, America thinks that you need to get your *Bleep* together.

 

Wendy: Excuse me, but I have my life together more than the majority of people my age! 

 

Cartman: Just give it to Stan already! 

 

Craig: No, give it to Wendy! *Bleep* you Marsh.

 

Stan: Go suck on a dick *Bleep*. 

 

Kyle: Sorry Wendy, but Stan’s my Super Best Friend For Life!

 

Bebe: Give it to Wendy, America needs to understand Feminism! Sorry Stan!

 

Jimmy: G-g-give it to neither of them, they’re b-b-both annoying as hell!

 

Stan: Gee, thanks Jimmy! 

 

Wendy: *Bleep* you *Bleep*. 

 

Loudspeaker: The person that is taking the last spot…

 

*Close up on Tweek’s face*

 

Loudspeaker: Is…

 

*Close up on Craig’s face*

 

Loudspeaker: The person that will continue in the running… 

 

*Close up on Token’s face*

 

Loudspeaker: To become… 

 

*Close up on Bebe’s face*

 

Loudspeaker: The  _ Cliche  _ winner is… 

 

*Close up on Kyle’s face*

 

Loudspeaker: The person that will continue in the competition… 

 

*Close up on Nichole’s face*

 

Loudspeaker: And win the prize… 

 

Wendy: Which no one knows what it is. 

 

Cartman: Boo. Boo Wendy Testaburger boo. 

 

Loudspeaker: Stan! 

 

Everyone: WHAT!?

 

Loudspeaker: And Wendy! 

 

Everyone: WHAT!? 

 

_ Leaderboard _

 

  * __Bebe__


  * _Kenny, Craig, Butters_


  * _Red_


  * _Token_


  * _Nichole_


  * _Tweek and Heidi_


  * _Clyde_


  * _Kyle_


  * _Jimmy_


  * _Cartman_


  * _Stan_


  * _Wendy_



 

 

Cartman: NO! GO AWAY WENDY!

 

Red: What the hell is going on!? Can someone  _ finally  _ explain the rules of this game and how it works?! 

 

Loudspeakers: Now we will! Every week, you will participate in challenges that will test your relationships, strength, intelligence, stamina, etc. And every week, America will be able to vote on who is their favorite. The leaderboard will change depending on Challenge score and popularity score. 

 

Kyle: Then how the hell does the scoring system work?! 

 

Loudspeakers: You saw the Challenge scores already, it was your placements. However, you will never know your popularity score. 

 

Craig: Can we finally know what the prize is please?

 

Loudspeakers: One million dollars! 

 

Clyde: That’s a lot of tacos.

 

Bebe: Screw tacos, that’s a lot of shoes!

 

Wendy: That’s College! 

 

Loudspeakers: Also, first place gets a prize for being first place! 

 

Bebe: Yes!

 

Loudspeakers: Bebe, you are the winner of a $100 gift card to Macy’s! 

 

Bebe: *BLEEP* THE SHOES!!! 

 

Loudspeakers: Congratulations to all of you! 

 

_ Thank you for watching the first episode of Cliche! Stay tuned next week for the next episode!  _

 

… 

 

… 

 

… 

 

… 

 

… 

 

“Filmings done!” A cameraman says. The camera crew and producers begin leaving the house. 

 

“So can we go inside the house now?” Kyle asks, taking his green ushanka off, running his hands through his sweaty, red hair. “Stan, carry me to our room!” 

 

“Holy fuck I’m exhausted.” Bebe says, falling to the cold, muddy ground. “Shoes were not worth any of this.” 

 

“Whatever, at least the fucking fridge is finally stocked. I’m going inside, fuck you guys.”

 

“Wait up Eric!” Wendy yells, grabbing hold of Cartman’s arm. “No hard feelings Stanley?”

 

“Nope, none at all. No hard feelings Craig?”

 

“Nope. Come on Tweekers, I wanna creep you out more.” Craig says grabbing hold of Tweek and carries him bridal style.

 

“Only if you make me coffee. Ugh, I hate having to twitch and click again, it’s not fun.”

 

“H-h-hey guys, I didn’t mean wh-what I said, alright?” Kenny walks up from behind Jimmy and pats his back. 

 

“Yeah, no one did, it’s alright Jimmy.” Kenny picks up a sleeping Butters off the floor and carries him into their room. “Who’s on meth duty?!” Red and Token raises their hands.

 

“Don’t worry guys, we got it this time.” Red says, cracking her back. 

 

“Here we go again.” Token says lazily. 


	4. The Second Week, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions really begin to rise in the Cliche house. The second challenge occurs. Alliances are starting to build.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys need to realize that I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to fucking dance.

The Second Week, Part 1

 

***REALITY SHOW P.O.V***

_Previously on Cliche…_

 

_The new housemates enter the Cliche household, where tensions rise and true colors are showing…_

 

_Jimmy: Well no o-o-one likes an over comp-p-plaining *Bleep* Wendy._

_Everyone: *Gasp*_

_Jimmy: I’ve decided I d-d-do want to be here. And I’m w-w-winning._

_Bebe: Oh yeah, he is definitely not here to make friends._

_Jimmy: You’re right Bebe, I-I-I’m not here to make fr-fr-friends, I’m here to w-w-win._

 

_Rivalries are being made…_

_Red: (Nicely) Hey Jimmy!_

_Jimmy: W-what’s up Red?_

_Red: Who do you think is the biggest competition, RIGHT NOW._

_Jimmy: You and Bebe._

_Red: Exactly, Stan- Wait what?_

_Jimmy: Like I said, you and Bebe._

**_Jimmy Confessional_ **

**_Jimmy: I already know R-R-Red’s game._ **

_Jimmy: I know the game you’re trying to p-p-play Red, and it won’t w-work against m-m-me._

_Red: *Stands up forcefully* Yeah, well I don’t *Bleep* need your *Bleep* too Jimmy. *Flips off and leaves*_

 

_And the truth comes out…_

_Loudspeakers: Tweek, you were called so late because the audience thought you didn’t have any personality._

_Tweek: W-what!? I don’t have personality!? Oh Jesus I knew it!_

_Loudspeakers: And Heidi was called sooner because she did have personality._

**_Heidi Confessional_ **

**_Heidi: I literally didn’t say anything in the whole competition until I saw the girls and Cartman._ **

 

_Who will be the most popular Cliche houseguest?_

 

_Find out today on this week’s episode of, Cliche._

 

…

…

…

 

_Welcome back to Cliche! The contestants are just waking up from their slumber. Oh look, someone is waking up right now!_

 

Wendy: Get the *Bleep* camera out of my face.

 

**Wendy confessional**

**Wendy: So last week I was almost sent home, and I would have if that’s how the game works, which we still have no idea how it’s structured. My main objective still is to exploit everyone’s weaknesses and get that popular vote!**

 

_In the kitchen, we see Nichole making breakfast for everyone._

 

Wendy: Good morning.

 

Nichole: Morning! Blueberry or chocolate chip?

 

Wendy: Hit me up with everything.

 

Nichole: You got it!

 

**Nichole confessional**

**Nichole: So after the fake elimination ceremony last week, Wendy and Stan had a huge *Bleep* argument, which then escalated to EVERYONE having an argument. Honestly though, I don’t know what they were talking about, but Wendy got so *Bleep* faced it wasn’t even funny, like Stan level drunk!**

 

Wendy: Oh god, I am so hungover right now, how does Stan deal with this?

 

Nichole: He doesn’t, I don’t understand alcoholics, honestly. Have you really tried talking to him?

 

Wendy: About what?

 

Nichole: You know…

 

Wendy: Just tell me.

 

Nichole: About him being gay.

 

Wendy: What? Stan is… bi?

 

Nichole: No offence, but we all agree, as in everyone in this house, that you scared him away from vaginas. And besides, our drunk selves are supposedly our true selves.

 

Wendy: I don’t think that’s backed up by any scientific facts. And besides, each time I talk to him he gets defencive!

 

Nichole: You do that too!

 

Wendy: *Bleep* your right. Ok, I’ll talk to him later though, I don’t want to deal with his *Bleep*.

 

**Nichole confessional**

**Nichole: Hehe, who has Wendy’s trust in the bag? I do!**

 

_Flashback to last night…_

 

_We see the houseguests walk back into the house extremely tired._

 

_Bebe: It’s ok Wendy, America just needs to realize that you’re awesome._

 

_Wendy: Hah, yeah right, I’ll probably just end up in the bottom two again, hopefully not with Stan._

 

_Nichole: Yup. Not with Stan again._

 

_Kenny: *Bleep* this *Bleep* I’m going to bed._

 

_Everyone: Night!_

 

_Kenny leaves the room to sleep, and Butters and Cartman leaves the room to get a midnight snack._

 

_*Camera moves to Craig*_

 

_Craig: So Marsh, how does it feel like knowing all of America hates your *Bleep*._

 

_Stan: Why don’t you get your gay *Bleep* out of here and suck Tweek’s dick you fag._

 

_Tweek: Agh! CRAIGANDIAREN’TLIKETHATWE’REJUSTFRIENDS!!!_

 

_Craig glares at Stan like he’s staring at his next victim. Token and Jimmy leaves the room._

 

_Craig: Why don’t you repeat that so everyone in this goddamn house can hear you?_

 

_Bebe: Holy *Bleep* *Bleep* about to go down y’all!_

 

_Stan: WHY DON’T YOU GET YOUR GAY *BLEEP* OUT OF HERE AND SUCK TWEEK’S DICK YOU FAG!!!_

 

_Craig: SHUT THE *BLEEP* UP YOU ALCOHOLIC!_

 

_Stan: AT LEAST I’M NOT A *BLEEP* STONER TUCKER!_

 

_Craig: I am a HIGH FUNCTIONING stoner you *Bleep*! At least I don’t go around screwing around people’s feelings!_

 

_Stan: LEAVE WENDY OUT OF THIS!_

 

_Wendy: No, no, no, let’s put Wendy into this conversation because I have a LOT to say about you Stanley!_

 

_Stan: THIS IS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN ME AND CRAIG *BLEEP* TUCKER!_

 

_Bebe: Oh *Bleep* guys *Bleep* getting real!_

 

_Red: Pass the popcorn Bebe, stop hogging it!_

 

_Nichole: I’ll get the drinks!_

 

_Kenny: STOP *BLEEP* YELLING I’M TRYING TO *BLEEP* SLEEP!_

 

_Butters: Kenny it’s ok, just let them be!_

 

_Tweek: AGHCRAIGYOUNEEDTOCALMDOWNRIGHTNOW!_

 

_Kyle: Stan I know you’ve been *Bleep* drinking so GO TO *BLEEP* BED WE’RE ALL TRYING TO SLEEP!_

 

_Craig: Shhh Tweekers just calm down and close your eyes and wait for me in the room!_

 

_Kenny: Buttercup just wait for me in the room and we’ll cuddle tonight!_

 

_Stan: Ky I love you! Don’t *Bleep* ignore me, I know you love me too!_

 

_Tweek: Gah! We’re not sharing a room! Why do you want to sleep in the same bed with me!? Oh Jesus you’re trying to rape me!_

 

_Butters: Kenny if you really mean it you’ll stop fighting and come back in the room!_

 

_Kyle: STOP CALLING ME *BLEEP* KY WE AREN’T DATING!_

 

_Wendy: Stanley you need to listen to me right now because I’ve got a *Bleep* ton of *Bleep* to say to you!_

 

_Stan: Wendy just hold on a *hic* moment-_

 

_Wendy: OH MY *BLEEP* GOSH YOU’VE BEEN DRINKING AND IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN FIVE MINUTES SINCE THE FAKE ELIMINATION CEREMONY!_

 

_Craig: GET YOUR *BLEEP* DOWN HERE AND SAY IT TO MY FACE mcWHOREmic!_

 

_Kenny: I AM NOT A WHORE!!! I HAVE BEEN IN A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH BUTTERCUP FOR FOUR *BLEEP* YEARS *BLEEP*!_

 

_Bebe: Oh *Bleep* Craig’s hitting the hard spots!_

 

_Nichole: I’ve got the drinks!_

 

_Jimmy: G-g-guys has anyone seen my left shoe?_

 

_Wendy: DO YOU LOVE ME OR DO YOU LOVE KYLE!?_

 

_Stan: I -hic- love alcohol._

 

_Cartman: I can’t leave the *Bleep* room for five minutes and you’re all trying to *Bleep* kill eachother!_

 

_Everyone: SHUTTHE*BLEEP*CARTMAN*!_

 

_Cartman: Screw you guys, I’m going to bed!_

 

_Red: I really appreciate that Stan’s an alcoholic, Craig’s a stoner, and Kenny’s a whore, they all got issues that are really entertaining!_

 

_Nichole: Then what’s Token?_

 

_Red: I don’t know, you’re the one that dated him._

 

_Nichole: I don’t know, he’s perfect, no wonder why America likes him._

 

_Bebe: Well that’s *Bleep* boring, let’s dig crap on him and blackmail someone._

 

_Jimmy: But really though has anyone seen my le- has anyone seen my le- left shoe._

 

_Heidi: GET ME OUT OF THIS HOUSE!_

 

_Bebe, Nichole, and Red leave the room as everyone continues fighting._

 

_Ultimately, everyone agreed to disagree (No one knows on what) and everyone went to bed._

**Nichole Confession**

**Nichole: In all honesty, I think that yesterday went pretty well!**

 

(Montage of the sun rising in various areas of South Park to show a fast forward in time)

 

_Let’s take a look at what Token’s up to…_

 

Token: Holy *Bleep* I didn’t get any sleep last night… I knew I should have interfered…

 

Clyde: Token make me food…

 

Token: Nichole made food a while ago.

 

Clyde: But you make the best food…

 

Token: Get the *Bleep* out of bed, you’re gonna get fat again.

 

Clyde: I was never fat to begin with!

 

Bebe: Are you guys having a moment?

 

Clyde: Bebe no go away it’s not like that!

 

**Token confessional**

**Token: I like to think of myself as the most level headed person in this competition with the highest chances of winning. I’m athletic, I’m arguably the smartest person in this competition, and I’ve got America behind me because they all think I’m attractive. But one thing that I cannot get behind is Clyde getting close to Bebe because she’s a *Bleep* vixen… I do not like Clyde that way.**

 

Token: Well you’re the one that went into my bed last night.

 

Clyde: My room’s too cold!

 

Bebe: Do I need to leave?

 

Token: Yes- I mean no- I mean Clyde get the *Bleep* off of me so I can actually get out of bed.

 

Clyde: Nooooooooooooooo

 

Bebe: I think you guys are having a moment, so I’ll leave.

 

Clyde: Wait no Bebe I’m not gay notice me!

 

**Token confessional**

**Token:... Bebe’s my rival**

 

**Bebe confessional**

**Bebe: Well I’ve got Token’s weakness… Hehe. I wonder how Wendy’s doing with her strategy? I don’t even think she’s figured out anyone’s weakness! What a *Bleep* failure hahaha!**

 

_Let’s see what Heidi’s up to now…_

 

_We see Heidi sitting at the dining table with Red and Tweek…_

 

Tweek: Oh Jesus yesterday was way too much pressure!

 

Heidi: Tell me about it, I’m so over this game. We don’t even know what the *Bleep* is going on more than half the time!

 

Red: Yeah, I know right! *Sly grin*. Tell me how you really feel though, Heidi?

 

Heidi: Well, in all honesty I really only came here because I wanted to talk to Eric more and try to get things together so I can move on, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. Coming here was a mistake!

 

_Heidi starts to tear up_

 

Heidi: I just don’t get it! Like, why can’t I move on, it’s so stupid!

 

Red: Come here Heidi, it’s alright!

 

Heidi: *Sobs silently in Red’s arms*

 

_We see Kyle walking into the kitchen…_

 

Kyle:... Am I interrupting something?

 

Tweek: Agh! No you aren’t, didn’t you need something Kyle?

 

Red: Tweek, sit down.

 

Tweek: Oh Jesus she’s gonna kill me!

 

Red: Why don’t you sit down too Kyle?

 

Kyle: Red, I’m not dumb. I know you’re just doing this to build alliances.

 

*Tweek and Heidi gasps*

 

Heidi: I knew I couldn’t trust you!

 

Tweek: OHJESUSICAN’TTRUSTANYONE!

 

Red: Yeah, well *Bleep* you too Kyle! *Flips everyone off and storms off*

 

Kyle: I need to get out of this house.

 

Heidi: You look so over this! You haven’t been really acting like yourself, you know!

 

Tweek: OHGODINEEDTOGETOUTOFHERE!

 

_Kyle’s face lifts up from gloom and stares at Tweek._

 

Kyle: Wait, what did you say?

 

Tweek: INEEDTOGETOUTOFHERE?!

 

Kyle: That’s it, I’m leaving.

 

Heidi: I’m leaving too!

 

Tweek: GAH! INEEDCOFFEE! BUT WE NEED TO LEAVE! EVERYONE’S OUT TO GET ME! I WANT OUT! IWANTOUTIWANTOUTIWANTOUT!

 

_From upstairs, we hear a crash, followed by feet stomping down the stairs._

 

Craig: Who’s leaving?

 

Tweek: We are!

 

Craig: What? Tweekers you can’t leave. *Creepy glare*

 

Tweek: What!? Why not!?

 

Craig: Because I said you can’t.

 

**Kyle confessional**

**Kyle: Dudes. That’s the same glare Stan gives me whenever he’s drunk. What the *Bleep*. I need to get out of here!**

 

_At the sound of Craig’s voice, Tweek immediately tenses up and slowly stands away from the table._

 

Kyle: Dude, Craig back the *Bleep* off away from Tweek.

 

Craig: Get the *Bleep* out of my way Broflovski.

 

Tweek: *Whimper*.

 

Heidi: Ok! How about we all calm down and just talk it out without any creepy facial expressions.

 

Craig: This is how I always look.

 

Heidi: Oh… Um-

 

Loudspeakers: Good afternoon _Cliche_ houseguests! Will everyone please go outside into the backyard! Today’s challenge is about to start!

 

Craig: We’ll settle this in competition.

 

Kyle: What? No, that’s *Bleep* stupid!

 

Craig: Too late! *Picks up Tweek bridal style*

 

Tweek: OHJESUSPLEASEHELPME!

 

Heidi: You guys are so weird…

 

**Kyle confessional**

**Kyle: This is so stupid! AHHH!!! Why do people always think me and Tweek and sometimes Butters are so defenceless that we need someone to protect us! That does it, I’m making an alliance with Tweek so we can kick Stan and Craig’s *Bleep* if it’s the last *Bleep* thing I do!**

 

_As the minutes pass, everyone moves into the backyard for today’s challenge._

 

Loudspeakers: Good afternoon everyone!

 

Everyone: Yay.

 

Loudspeakers: So enthusiastic! Today’s challenge is different that last weeks. Let’s do a little overview!

 

_Challenge 2!_

_The ground rumbles below the contestants, and everyone runs away from the grass area. A hole opens from the ground and a giant monkey bar set rises with a moderately deep pool of water in it. The handles on the monkey bars appear to have harnesses attached to them. At the beginning of the monkey bars there’s a place where the contestants can stand, and at the other side of the set there appears to be a standing area with a standing area._

 

Loudspeakers: Contestants, please change into your swimsuits and meet back here!

 

_The contestants walk back to their rooms to change their clothes. Let’s meet up with Stan and Cartman and see how they're doing…_

 

Stan: Dude when the hell did you lose weight?

 

Cartman: Remember when I was absent for a week straight last month?

 

Stan: Yeah.

 

Cartman: My mom forced me to go to *Bleep* fat camp again. I hate that *Bleep* hellhole.

 

_Stan takes off his shirt, revealing a perfect six pack and nice ass pecs._

 

**Cartman Confessional**

**Cartman: Hah! Kahl’s gonna be so easy to take down this round, he’ll be so distracted by Stan it won’t even be funny!**

 

Stan: *Facing the camera* Is this what you want America? Don’t *Bleep* force me in the damn bottom two again.

 

Cartman in the background: *Smirks evilly*

 

**Cartman Confessional**

**Cartman: The Jew’s going down this round.**

 

_Let’s see who’s outside now._

 

_Red and Craig are the first one’s outside, both standing in awkward silence._

 

Red: Hey cousin.

 

Craig: Hey.

 

Red:....

 

Craig:...

 

Red: So do you really like Tweek?

 

Craig: Tweek’s my future husband.

 

Red: You’re *Bleep* creepy.

 

Craig: Creepy, simple and boring. Just the way I like it.

 

Red: So are you actually gay or are you bi?

 

Craig: I like ass.

 

Red: Ok this is why I don’t talk to you during family get togethers.

 

_The rest of the contestants slowly begin pouring into the backyard once more._

 

Tweek’s thoughts: OhjesusCraig’shot!

 

Kyle’s thoughts: Stan’s so attractive…

 

Butter’s thoughts: Kenny’s such a great boyfriend!

 

Jimmy: Hmmm…

 

Clyde: What’s up Jimbo?

 

Jimmy: W-well, I’ve just noticed some things that some people ha-ha- some people haven’t.

 

Clyde: Like what?

 

Jimmy: No-nothing. If I tell you, you’d ge- you’d get an advantage ov-over the others.

 

Clyde: So you’re just being selfish?

 

Jimmy: Don’t frown Cly-Clyde. If anything, you can go cry on Token’s- you can go cry on Token’s shoulder.

 

Clyde: That’s not nice Jimmy! I thought we were friends!

 

Jimmy: I’m n-not here to make frie- I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to win.

 

Bebe: Fight *Bleep*!

 

Loudspeakers: Hello Cliche houseguests! Please climb the stairs to your corresponding name and wait on the platform.

 

_The contestants walk up the stairs and wait at the ledge._

 

Tweek: OHGOSHWE’RESOHIGHUP!!!

 

Loudspeakers: Welcome to your second challenge! The object of the game is to get across the monkey bars to the otherside!

 

Kyle: Well that seems easy enough.

 

Loudspeakers: But here’s the catch! I will ask you questions one at a time. If you answer right, you are allowed to cross three bars and wait until I ask you the next question. But here’s the catch, if you answer incorrectly, you cannot move from your spot and must wait your turn again in order to have the chance to move.

 

Kyle: Ok that still seems easy.

 

Loudspeakers: Now here’s the other catch! Once you stop moving forward, you can attach yourself to a harness so you don’t have to be holding onto the bar.

 

Kyle: That just makes this easier.

 

Loudspeakers: Now here is the other catch! After moving forward, you have the option of using the gun attached to your harness to shoot tennis balls at others in order to slow others down or bring down whoever is in first place.

 

Wendy: One of us could get seriously injured!

 

Loudspeakers: Should you fall down, you must swim back to the beginning and do it all over again! Contestants, are you ready!?

 

**Kyle confession**

**Kyle: I’m so gonna try to aim for Stan’s balls.**

 

Everyone: No.

 

Loudspeakers: Ok! The first round of the second challenge begins… NOW! First question… Heidi!

 

Heidi: Let’s get this *Bleep* over with.

 

Loudspeakers: True or False, Cartman has feelings for someone in this house?

 

Cartman: Eh! That’s personal information!

 

Heidi: That’s false, because Cartman’s a *Bleep* sociopath!

 

Loudspeakers: That is incorrect Heidi. You will not be moving this round.

 

Kyle: At least we know he isn’t a sociopath.

 

Cartman: Shut up you stupid Jew!

 

Loudspeakers: Next question… Clyde!

 

Clyde: Step aside guys, I’ve got this.

 

Loudspeakers: What is Butters’ real name?

 

Clyde: Are you kidding me!? I’m not that stupid, it’s Leopold!

 

Loudspeakers: That is correct!

 

Kenny: At least we know he’s listening and he isn’t a dumb*Bleep*.

 

Clyde: I AM NOT STUPID!

 

Loudspeakers: Please move three spaces across the monkey bars.

 

_Clyde touches the monkey bars, then proceeds to move three spaces and attach the harness to himself. The gun lowers itself to Clyde’s position, and he observes the gun._

 

Bebe: Wait, does that thing have actual bullets?

 

Loudspeakers: Nope! Just tennis balls. Clyde, even though no one else is on the field, you still have the option to use the gun on someone.

 

Craig: Clyde, I swear to *Bleep* god if you shoot me I’ll just throw the ball at your *Bleep* balls.

 

Tweek: OHJESUSPLEASEDON’TSHOOTME!

 

Bebe: Clyde! If you don’t shoot me, I’ll go out with you!

_Clyde observes the gun again, and points the gun at Cartman._

 

Cartman: Clahd! I’m warning you!

 

Clyde: Just try to dodge it.

 

_Clyde puts his finger on the trigger, and waits five seconds, but immediately moves his aim towards Kenny and pulls the trigger. The tennis ball shoots out of the gun, and hits Kenny in the knee._

 

Kenny: *BLEEP* *BLEEP* *BLEEP* WHAT THE *BLEEP* YOU *BLEEP*!!!

 

Clyde: Don’t call me a dumb*Bleep*!

 

_Clyde then shifts his aim towards Cartman and shoots his left thigh._

 

Cartman: *Bleep* WHAT THE *BLEEP* CLAHD!

 

_Clyde pulls the trigger towards Cartman’s right thigh and hits him._

 

Cartman: That is it! You’re going down!

 

_The gun retracts from Clyde as he dangles over the water._

 

Clyde: I’d never expect to have this feeling before.

 

Loudspeaker: Third question… Butters!

 

Butters: That’s me!

 

Loudspeaker: Out of everyone in the group, who had a short obsession with One Direction?

 

Butters: Umm… Red?

 

Loudspeaker: Oooh! That’s incorrect. The correct answer is Bebe!

 

Bebe: It’s true, I like British *Bleep* as much as the other person.

 

Loudspeaker: Fourth question… Kyle!

 

Kyle: Alright, let’s do this.

 

Loudspeaker: What drink does Stan typically prefer?

 

Stan: I AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC!

 

Kyle: *Sigh*, Anything he can get his hands on.

 

Stan: Kyle!

 

Loudspeaker: That is correct! You may cross three bars.

 

_Kyle grabs the first bar and stops on the fourth bar, and the gun drops down towards Kyle’s arms while the harness latches itself to Kyle. As Kyle holds the gun, Clyde’s harness unlatches itself._

 

Clyde: What the *Bleep*!

 

Loudspeakers: In order to have a fair play at things, the harness latches off of any other person on the field!

 

Clyde: *Struggles to hold himself on the bars* Kyle please don’t shoot me!

 

_Kyle turns towards the other contestants, and all of them gasp in fear, and immediately shoots Cartman on both arms twice._

 

Cartman: YOU TWO ARE BOTH GOING DOWN!

 

_But who will Kyle shoot for his last ball? Kyle observes his opponents, and points the gun to Stan._

 

Stan: Dude?

 

Kyle…

 

_Kyle aims the gun at Stan’s hand, and pulls the trigger._

 

Everyone: *Gasp*!

 

_But Stan quickly moves his body to the left, and the tennis ball lands on the grass._

 

Stan: KYLE WHAT THE *BLEEP*!

 

_The harness latches itself onto Clyde as he sighs in relief._

 

Kyle: I!- I-

 

**Kyle Confessional**

**Kyle: Ok, I knew I screwed up! I should’ve just shot Stan with all three of the balls.**

 

Stan: WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THIS AFTER THE ELIMINATION CEREMONY!

 

**Nichole Confessional**

**Nichole: NO! My OTP!**

 

Kyle: (As he dangles in the air) *Bleep* *Bleep* *Bleep*.

 

**Craig Confessional**

**Craig: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH MY *BLEEP* GOD, HOLY *BLEEP* THAT WAS SO *BLEEP* FUNNY I ALMOST PEED MYSELF!**

 

Craig: *Creepy evil smirk in the background*.

 

Loudspeakers: Next question… Wendy!

 

Cartman: Boo, boo Wendy Testaburger boo.

 

Wendy: Shut the *Bleep* up Cartman. Hit me with the question!

 

Loudspeakers: Who does the majority of the people in the house see as competition?

 

Wendy: Bebe!

 

Bebe: Wait what?!

 

Loudspeakers: That is correct!

 

Bebe: I’m actually very flattered by that!

 

_Wendy crosses three bars and attaches the harness to herself. After securing herself, The gun lands in her hands, and immediately shoots Stan twice in the left leg._

 

Stan: WHY IS EVERYBODY TRYING TO KILL ME TODAY!

 

Wendy: That’s for not listening to me yesterday!

 

_Wendy then shoots Cartman on his left hand._

 

Cartman: I’M GONNA KILL YOU TESTABURGER!

 

Wendy: Just try and stop me!

 

Loudspeakers: Next question… Craig!

 

Craig: It’s Super Craig time.

 

Loudspeaker: Who falls asleep first in the house?

 

Craig: Uhh, Kyle?

 

Kyle: What the *Bleep*?

 

Loudspeaker: Nope! That’s incorrect! The correct answer is Token!

 

Token: I try my best to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

 

Loudspeaker: Next question… Red!

 

Red: Alright.

 

Loudspeaker: Who falls asleep last in the house?

 

Red: Craig because he likes to watch Tweek while he sleeps!

 

Craig: It’s true.

 

Tweek: OHJESUSINEEDARESTRAININGORDER!

 

Craig: Shh Tweekers just calm down.

 

Tweek: NO!IWILLNOTCALMDOWNOHJESUSHELPME!WHYISTHISOKTOPEOPLE!?WHYDOYOUTHINKIT’SOKFORYOUTOTORTUREMELUKETHIS?!

 

Craig: Tweekers-

 

Tweek: NO! I am not your “Tweekers”!

 

_As Tweek freaks out, Red jumps towards the first bar, and proceeds to make her way to the fourth bar, where the harness and gun falls. She attaches the harness on her and grabs the gun. The other harnesses on the other players latches off and Wendy, Clyde, and Kyle quickly grabs the monkey bar._

 

Red: Sorry Wendy.

 

_Red aims the gun at Wendy and pulls the trigger three times in rapid motion. Wendy pulls herself up and dodges the first one, swings left to dodge the second one, and lowers her leg to kick the third ball towards Red._

 

Red: Oh shit!

 

_Red ducks her head and the ball hits Clyde in the knee._

 

Clyde: Ow! What did I do to you Wendy?!

 

Wendy: Why are you yelling at me!? Red was the one who *Bleep* shot the ball!

 

Red: Sorry not sorry you guys!

 

_Episode 2 part 1 ends. Here are everyone’s current standings in the competition:_

 

 

  1. __Bebe__
  2. _Kenny, Craig, Butters_
  3. _Red_
  4. _Token_
  5. _Nichole_
  6. _Tweek and Heidi_
  7. _Clyde_
  8. _Kyle_
  9. _Jimmy_
  10. _Cartman_
  11. _Stan_
  12. _Wendy_



 

 

_Who will win? Who will get last place? Find out soon on the next part of Cliche._


	5. Week 2 Part 2?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last part of the second competition ends. Wendy and Clyde cook dinner. Token and Jimmy fight. There's a glitch in the system. Stan gets drunk and starts shit again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you all had a wonderful Halloween. I stayed inside and baked scones for myself while catching up on the new episodes of the new season on Hulu. Also, someone named UnHolyBendy asked what are the swimsuits that everyone is wearing. Honestly, go ahead and imagine anything you want. You could imagine everyone naked, one of those really old-fashioned diving suits, all the guys could potentially be in a speedo, or maybe everyone is wearing a duck inner tube with arm floaties! Heck, they could all be fully clothed for all we know! Let your filthy mind run wild! Also, no one asked for this, but I wanted to share with you guys what I think how tall everyone is:
> 
> Stan 6’2’’  
> Craig 6’2’’  
> Kenny 5’8’’ ¾  
> Token 5’8’’  
> Cartman 5’8’’  
> Jimmy 5’7’’ ½   
> Clyde 5’7’’  
> Bebe 5’7’’  
> Wendy 5’7’’  
> Butters 5’6 ¼  
> Nichole 5’6’’  
> Heidi 5’5’’ ¾  
> Kyle 5’5’’   
> Tweek 5’4’’  
> Red 5’4’’
> 
> I know it's probably not necessarily a popular opinion, but I wanted to share with y'all anyways. Also, my documents got fucked up so I may post something that I may already have posted before? Or I may post two chapters in one, but whatever!

Chapter 2, Part 2

  
  


**REALITY SHOW P.O.V**

_ Previously on Cliche…  _

 

_ The second week begins with where the first week left off. After a stressful first round of judgment, late runners Stan and Wendy begin to have quite a bit of an argument, which leads into a more deep fight with Stan and Craig…  _

 

_ Craig: Why don’t you repeat that so everyone in this goddamn house can hear you?  _

_ Bebe: Holy *Bleep* *Bleep* about to go down y’all!  _

_ Stan: WHY DON’T YOU GET YOUR GAY *BLEEP* OUT OF HERE AND SUCK TWEEK’S DICK YOU FAG!!!  _

_ Craig: SHUT THE *BLEEP* UP YOU ALCOHOLIC! _

_ Stan: AT LEAST I’M NOT A *BLEEP* STONER TUCKER! _

_ Craig: I am a HIGH FUNCTIONING stoner you *Bleep*! At least I don’t go around screwing around people’s feelings!  _

_ Stan: LEAVE WENDY OUT OF THIS! _

 

_ … And leads into an argument between Stan and Wendy…  _

 

_ Wendy: Stanley you need to listen to me right now because I’ve got a *Bleep* ton of *Bleep* to say to you!  _

_ Stan: Wendy just hold on a *hic* moment- _

_ Wendy: OH MY *BLEEP* GOSH YOU’VE BEEN DRINKING AND IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN FIVE MINUTES SINCE THE FAKE ELIMINATION CEREMONY!  _

 

_ … Which leads into another argument between Craig and Kenny…  _

 

_ Craig: GET YOUR *BLEEP* DOWN HERE AND SAY IT TO MY FACE mcWHOREmic!  _

_ Kenny: I AM NOT A WHORE!!! I HAVE BEEN IN A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH BUTTERCUP FOR FOUR *BLEEP* YEARS *BLEEP*!  _

 

_ … And everyone yelling at Cartman…  _

 

_ Cartman: I can’t leave the *Bleep* room for five minutes and you’re all trying to *Bleep* kill eachother! _

_ Everyone: SHUTTHE*BLEEP*CARTMAN*!  _

_ Cartman: Screw you guys, I’m going to bed!  _

 

_ Who will come out on top? And who will drown to the bottom? Find out on this episode of…  _

_ Cliche. _

 

_ Welcome back to Cliche! The first round of the second competition is burning hot! Competitors Clyde, Kyle, Wendy, and Red have passed the first round, with a few more contestants ready to battle it out! Still waiting for their chance to go through the first round is Bebe, Kenny, Tweek, Jimmy, Token, Nichole, Stan, and Cartman have yet to attempt the first round. Stan is up next.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Stan, are you ready? 

 

Stan: *Bleep* yeah. 

 

Loudspeakers: Name three people that is not apart of this competition that Kenny has not had sex with?

 

Kenny: Oh *Bleep* you guys. 

 

Stan: His sister, his mom, his brother.

 

Loudspeakers: Correct! 

 

_ Stan grabs the first bar and makes his way to the fourth, strapping himself up next to Kyle. The latches gives out on the rest of the contestants, but everyone saves themselves just in the nick of time.  _

 

Stan: Gee, I wonder who I should hit… 

 

Kyle: Stan wait-

 

Stan: *BLEEP* YOU KYLE! 

 

Nichole: *Screams in agony*.

 

_ Stan points the gun at Kyle’s hands, and the tennis ball his him directly on the forehead twice, causing him to groan in immense pain, and his hands lose grip of the bar as Kyle falls into the water. However, before Kyle makes his big splash, he takes one of the balls that hit him, and throws it at Stan’s face, which hits him on the nose, and Stan falls along with him.  _

 

Stan: *SPLASH*.

 

Kyle: *SPLASH*. 

 

Nichole: NOO!!! MY OTP!!! 

 

Everyone: *Gasp*.

 

Kyle: *Bleep* I can’t see anything! My hair’s in my eyes! 

 

Stan: KYLE COME HERE SO I CAN MURDER YOUR *BLEEP*!!!

 

Nichole: In the most roughest way possible.

 

Bebe: Oh my gosh, get your thirsty *Bleep* out of here! 

 

Loudspeaker: Oooh! Looks like we’ve got our first two knockouts of this challenge! Stan, Kyle, you’re out until the second round! Cartman, you’re up! 

 

Cartman: Alright, let’s kill this mother*Bleep*.

 

Loudspeaker: Name the first three housemates that lost their virginity first out of everyone. 

 

Cartman: Kinny, Kinny, and Kinny. 

 

Kenny: *Bleep* you.

 

Cartman: Hah! Just joking-

 

Loudspeakers: Oooh, that’s incorrect!

 

Cartman: What!? But I was joking!

 

Loudspeakers: You’ve locked in your answer the moment Kenny said a word.

 

Kenny: Hah!

 

Cartman: *Bleep* you Kenny.

 

Loudspeakers: The correct answer is, Jimmy, Kenny, and Butters. 

 

Clyde: Jimmy I thought we told eachother everything! 

 

Jimmy: I don’t n-n-need to tell you ev-everything.

 

Loudspeakers: Tweek! 

 

Tweek: Oh Jesus! 

 

Loudspeakers: Besides you, who drinks the most caffeinated beverages? 

 

Tweek: ARGH! Uh… Uh… Clyde!

 

Loudspeakers: That is correct! 

 

Token: Clyde, what did I tell you about drinking that many cans of coke? 

 

Craig: Damn, I didn’t realize that Clyde drank cans of cocaine. 

 

Clyde: Shut up guys! 

 

_ Tweek jumps onto the first bar, then proceeds to go through the rest of the bars, stopping right next to Clyde. His, Red’s, and Wendy’s harnesses latch off of them.  _

 

Clyde: Tweek please don’t hit me! 

 

Tweek: Agh! 

 

_ As Tweek holds tries to latch himself onto the harness, he accidently drops the gun into the water due to his immense twitching. _

 

Tweek: *Bleep*! 

 

Cartman: Hah! What a *Bleep* spaz! 

 

Tweek: I’m not a *Bleep* spaz you *Bleep*hole! 

 

Loudspeakers: Because Tweek dropped his gun, he is unable to shoot anyone else for his turn, but gets to stay at his position. TOKEN! 

 

Token: Yup?

 

Loudspeakers: Out of everyone in the competition, who does everyone see as least of a threat? 

 

Token: Uhh… 

 

Loudspeakers: Be careful what you say here Token, you could be making some enemies, depending on your answer…

 

Token: But I don’t have intentions on making enemies! I’m just here to win.

 

Bebe: Damn, so he’s… He’s not here to make enemies, he’s here to win! 

 

Token: Thanks Bebe. Sorry guys, but I’d have to say Tweek and Kyle.

 

Kyle: I’M GONNA PUSH YOU OFF THIS LEDGE!!!

 

Craig: Constrain your *Bleep* boyfriend Marsh.

 

Stan: CRAIG-

 

Loudspeakers: That’s correct! 

 

Token: Sorry dude.

 

_ Token grabs the monkey bar and proceeds forward. Those already on the monkey bar had their latches off and grabs the bar above them as fast as possible. He grabs the gun, and proceeds to think about who to shoot. _

 

Clyde: Token we’re best friends, you wouldn’t hit me, right?

 

Token: Dude, of course I wouldn’t. 

 

_ Token points the gun at Wendy, and receives a glare in response.  _

 

Token: Sorry Wendy.

 

Wendy: *Bleep* you Token.

 

_ Token pulls the trigger three times in rapid motion, and the balls shoot at Wendy at high speed. Wendy proceeds to lift herself up, swing to the right, and kick the last ball towards someone else. As the ball deflects off of Wendy’s foot, everyone waits in anticipation on who the ball is aimed at… _

_ The ball hits Tweek on the forehead, his twitching and struggles to hold onto the bar contributes to the loss of his concentration, and his hands let go of the bar. _

 

Tweek: AGHOHJESUSI’MFA- *SPLASH*

 

Craig: Tweekers are you ok!?

 

Loudspeakers: Ooh! Looks like Tweek’s gonna enjoy a nice dip in the pool! He’s out! 

 

Tweek: AGH! Wendy I’m gonna kick your *BLEEP*!!! 

 

Wendy: Get mad at *Bleep* Token! 

 

Tweek: NGH I’m angry at him too! 

 

Token: What!? But I didn’t-

 

Craig: Token you’re my *Bleep* enemy! 

 

Token: *Bleep*.

 

Clyde: It’s been nice knowing you dude. 

 

Token: *Bleep* you dude.

 

Loudspeakers: Alright guys, let’s kick it up a notch here!

(Aka fast forward with a montage of various people getting hit, answering questions, yelling at each other, and falling in the water to save time:)

 

Montage-

_ Loudspeakers: Bebe! How many times does Tweek wash his hands after he masturbates? _

 

_ Bebe: Enough times that should be necessary!  _

 

_ Tweek: Oh Jesus how did you know that!?  _

 

_ Red: I swear to *Bleep* god Kyle if you hit me-  _

 

_ Kyle: I’m trying to aim for Stan, move your *Bleep* *Bleep*! _

 

_ Stan: Red you better not move your *Bleep*- *Hit*- Ow what the hell did I do to you Kyle!? _

 

_ Cartman: He probably has sand in his vagina. _

 

_ *Close up on Kyle’s angry face* _

 

_ Loudspeakers: Wendy! Name Craig’s, Cartman’s, and Token’s superhero names!  _

 

_ Wendy: Uhh… Wonder Craig, The Coon, and Tupperware! _

 

_ Craig: It’s Super Craig! Get it *Bleep* right, I even said it a while ago! _

 

_ Wendy: Why don’t you go *Bleep* yourself! _

 

_ Craig: Maybe I will!  _

 

_ Stan: Slut. _

 

_ Craig: *Bleep* you.  _

 

_ Loudspeakers: Nichole, true or false, Heidi and Butters have been the ones stealing the cookies in the cookie jar in the house?  _

 

_ Nichole: Uhh- _

 

_ Butters: Nuh-uh! It was definitely Heidi that stole the cookie from the cookie jar! _

 

_ Heidi: No it wasn’t!  _

 

_ Butters: I wasn’t even in the kitchen when the cookies were stolen! _

 

_ Heidi: You’re the one that- _

 

_ Loudspeakers: Times out! _

 

_ Nichole: *Bleep* you guys. _

 

_ *Token falls in the water* _

 

_ *Stan falls in the water again* _

 

_ *Red falls in the water* _

 

_ *Stan falls in the water for a third time* _

 

_ *Jimmy falls in the water*  _

 

_ *Stan falls in the water again* _

 

_ Montage over  _

 

_ Heidi: GET ME OUT OF THIS HOUSE!!! _

 

_ Jimmy: G-g-guys, my left shoe’s floating in the water.  _

 

Loudspeaker: Alright everyone, this is it. Everyone is tied up evenly and hanging onto the last part of the monkey bars. Everyone has a fair shot at winning this one. 

 

Wendy: How is that possible, Stan got shot in the head and fell into the water so often that-

 

Cartman: Boo, boo Wendy Testaberger, boo. 

 

Wendy: If I was *Bleep* close to your *Bleep* you can damn well know that I’d kick your *Bleep* all the way to *Bleep* Timbuktu!

 

Cartman: Damn, Wendy got hella ratchet all of a sudden.

 

Kyle: STOP SAYING HELLA CARTMAN YOU AREN’T CALIFORNIAN!!! (A/N: I am Californian. Specifically Santa Clara, and everyone says hella like 24/7, the stereotype is true, but only for NorCal, Idk what SoCal says, but everyone in California like totally uses like in like every sentence (Obviously not everyone but y’all get my point) 

 

Loudspeakers: Since this is the final leg, everyone will be answering the same question, but none of it will apply to your other house guests. Here’s how it’ll work, I ask a question, and everyone locks in their answers. The people that get it right will finish the competition, HOWEVER, the faster you lock your answer in, the higher you’ll rank. Everyone else that doesn’t answer the question right will answer another question, and the process will continue. Does everyone understand? 

 

Everyone: Yes.

 

Loudspeakers: I’ll reveal the placements after everyone gets to the otherside. Everyone, your answer pads are now dropping, please catch them. 

 

_ Everyone successfully catches them. _

 

Loudspeakers: Ok, you may only answer once I say you can. This is a multiple choice question. Ok, in three… 

 

*Close up on Kenny’s face*

 

Loudspeakers:... Two… 

 

*Close up on Cartman’s face*

 

Loudspeakers:... One… Ok! Question: What is the capital of Mongolia-

 

Clyde: What the *Bleep*.

 

Loudspeakers: Is it….

A.) Ulaanbaatar 

B.) Bern

C.) Harae

Or D.) Bangkok

 

Craig: Bang cock. 

 

Kenny: Uhh… 

 

Jimmy: *Bleep* this *Bleep*. 

 

Red: How the hell are we supposed to know this *Bleep*.

 

Loudspeakers: All answers are locked in! I can now tell you… That four people got it right. And those four people are…

 

*Close up on Nichole’s face*

 

*Close up on Bebe’s face*

 

*Close up on Jimmy’s face*

 

Loudspeakers: Token, Bebe, Stan, and Craig! 

 

**Bebe confessional**

**Bebe: I probably got first place again.**

 

Bebe: WOO!!! *Twirls in the air from the suspension cables* 

 

Craig: Still wished I’d gone with Bang cock. 

 

Stan: Thank god for actually listening in Geography. 

 

Token: Knew it! 

 

_ Token, Bebe, Stan, and Craig both latch off the harnesses and make their way to the end of the platform.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Ok 11, here’s the next question: Which of the names of your housemates has been used for a hurricane? Lock in your answer in 3… 2… 1… Now!

 

Red: Once again, how are we supposed to know this? 

 

Clyde: I’m kind of hoping it’s my name. Hurricane Clyde. Yup, that’s my nickname from now on.

 

Token: No it isn’t.

 

Loudspeakers: Answers now submitted. I can tell you now, that two of you got it right. And they are… 

 

*Close up on Clyde’s face*

 

*Close up on Cartman’s face*

 

*Close up on Kyle’s face*

 

Loudspeakers: Kenny, Jimmy, and Heidi! 

 

Kenny: Thanks Stan.

 

Stan: Woah, wait I didn’t do anything. 

 

_ Kenny, Jimmy, and Heidi latches off and joins the rest of the winners.  _

 

Wendy: Why am I getting these wrong?

 

Cartman: Because you’re a slut.

 

Wendy: Go *Bleep* yourself. 

 

Loudspeakers: Ok. Cartman, Clyde, Wendy, Butters, Nichole, Kyle, Tweek, Red. Your next question… Which company holds the jingle of… “The best part of waking up, is -blank- in your cup”. Lock in your answers in three, two, one, done. I can now tell you, that five of you guys managed to get it. And they are… 

 

*Close up on Wendy’s face*

 

*Close up on Butters’ face*

 

*Close up on Tweek’s face*

 

Loudspeakers: Wendy, Red, Butters, Clyde, and Nichole! 

 

Tweek: Oh Jesus I’m in third to last place! 

 

Wendy: It’s ok Tweek, just because you’re last doesn’t mean you’ll get called last in the elimination ceremony even though none of us will get eliminated. 

 

Loudspeakers: Kyle, Tweek, Cartman, the three of you are now facing the last question. After this, we will reveal who is in what place for this round, and then we’ll head to the elimination ceremony tonight. Are you ready? 

 

Kyle: Yeah.

 

Loudspeakers: Ok. This television network is known for creating  _ The Walking Dead, Preacher, and Breaking Bad. _ Please lock in your answer, and then delatch yourself. We will then see the leaderboard. 

 

_ The remaining three boys unlatch themselves, and join the rest at the other end.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Contestants, please get dressed then report back to the dining table. 

 

_ The contestants step off the platform, and the monkey bars and pool goes back to where it came from underground. With the backyard empty, the second challenge is over. The contestants get dressed in a hurry, as it is nearly lunch time. We see Jimmy walking down the stairs to see Clyde and Wendy making lunch for everyone.  _

 

Wendy: No,  _ ugh,  _ Clyde, that’s not how you dice vegetables! 

 

Clyde: Does it really matter Wendy?

 

Wendy: Yes! Yes it does! 

 

Clyde: We should all just eat candy-

 

Jimmy: A-a-and if you do that, Token’s going to yell at you for- Token’s going to yell at you for getting fat again.

 

Clyde: Jimmy stop being so mean to me! 

 

Jimmy: Shut u-up Clyde. You’re a *Bleep* cry baby. 

 

_ Token walks downstairs for lunch, extremely starving after a day of repeatedly getting hit by tennis balls and falling into water.  _

 

Clyde: TOKEN! WAAH!!!

 

Token: Woah, what the *Bleep* is going on here!?

 

Clyde: JIMMY’S BEING MEAN TO ME!!! 

 

*Close up on Clyde’s ugly crying face* 

 

*Close up on Wendy’s confused face*

 

**Wendy confessional**

**Wendy: Why are guys so weird!? Sometimes I think Bebe’s right, we should all just become lesbians.**

 

Jimmy: I’m not being mean to you, I-I-I-I’m just telling the truth.

 

Token: You’re being a real douchebag right now Jimmy. Back. The. *Bleep*. OFF. Or else I’ll *Bleep* your *Bleep* over.

 

Clyde: *Incoherent sobbing*

 

_ Wendy rolls her eyes and takes her cutting board somewhere else.  _

 

Jimmy: We’ll see who’s *Bleep* g-g-gets *Bleep* ov-over in the elimina- elimination ceremony. 

 

Wendy (From another room): NO ONE IS EVEN GETTING ELIMINATED! *BLEEP*. 

 

Token: Are you ok Clyde? Did you eat yet?

 

Clyde: *Sniff* N-no, Wendy and I were supposed to make food for everyone but she left because she DOESN'T LIKE ME ANYMORE!!!

 

Wendy” OH *BLEEP* OFF!!! 

 

Token: Why don’t we cook together and you can continue talking about your feelings, ok? 

 

Clyde: *Sniff* Ok!

 

**Token confession**

**Token: Oh yeah, he is so mine. Take THAT Bebe!**

 

**Bebe confession**

**Bebe: I ship it.**

 

**Nichole confession**

**Nichole: I REALLY ship it! Ugh, it’s so HOT! I guess it is weird to ship your ex with someone, but I guess that’s how Wendy feels.**

 

**Wendy confession**

**Wendy: I just heard what Nichole was talking about. In all honesty, I hate Stan’s *Bleep* at the moment, but I’ll admit, him and Kyle? It’s hot. Wait, that still means that Stan and I are together? Do I really want to make it work with him after the (?) amount of time we’ve done this?**

 

**Craig (From outside confessional booth: The *Bleep* confessional booth isn’t for talking about your *Bleep* relationship issues Wendy!**

 

**Wendy (While sticking her head out the door): You were probably going to talk about *Bleep* Tweek’s *Bleep* for five minutes!**

 

**Craig: Just hurry the *Bleep* up!**

 

**Wendy: (Slams door) If it wasn't hot to ship his *Bleep* with Tweek he would SO be dead right now.**

 

**Craig confession**

**Craig: I’m knocking this *Bleep* over.**

 

_ The contestants eventually makes their way to the dining table for dinner. Everyone appears to be anxious in knowing their challenge placements. _

 

Kenny: I bet you the fat *Blee* got last place. 

 

Butters: I agree with you Kenny! 

 

Cartman: *Bleep* your faggot *Bleep* poor piece of *Bleep*.

 

Kenny: It already happens (Wink). 

 

Cartman: You’re *Bleep* sick Kinny!

 

Stan: Guys, guys, can we not fight right now? 

Kenny and Cartman: Fine.

*Intense silence as everyone eats dinner*

Everyone: … 

Everyone: … 

Everyone: … 

Kyle: This is tasty as hell.

Stan: I have a *Bleep* bone to pick with you Kyle! 

Bebe: Oh my gosh guys, here we go! 

Kyle: *Bleep*.

Stan: Why the *Bleep* did you try to *Bleep* shoot me!? And don’t give me that lame *Bleep* *Bleep* excuse that this is some *Bleep* competition! 

Token: I think I should go…

Stan: Nope! Nope! Everyone sit your *Bleep* down and enjoy your *Bleep* Korean pork lettuce wraps!

_ Token immediately sits down, and everyone else looks down towards their plates.  _

**Red confessional**

**Red: I am SO waiting for Stan and Kyle to fall over! *Laughs maniacally*.**

**Kenny confessional**

**Kenny: I’m just waiting for Stan to bang the *Bleep* out of Ky, er, I mean KYLE.**

**Tweek confessional**

**Tweek: AGH! WHYCAN’TWEALLJUSTHAVEONEDINNERWITHOUTANYONEWANTINGTOKILLEACHOTHER??!! FBDLAKJFBDALKJFDABSLAKJBEOPRIEHRL NGHHHHHHHH! *Bleep* I just pulled out my hair!!!**

Stan: So Kyle? Are you ready to explain yourself?

Craig: You’re making a big *Bleep* deal out of nothing. 

Stan: I AM NOT TALKING TO YOU RIGHT NOW -Hic- !!! 

Wendy: Holy *Bleep* stop drinking!!!

Stan: Kyle *Bleep* answer me!

Kyle: I *Bleep* shot your *Bleep* because you keep treating me like you own me when you’re *Bleep* like this!

Stan: Like I’m what? This is how I -hic- always am.

Kyle: NO! NO IT *BLEEP* ISN’T! THIS IS LITERALLY WHY WENDY HATES YOUR *BLEEP* HALF THE TIME BECAUSE WE ALL *BLEEP* CARE!

Craig: I don’t.

Kyle: Shut up you stoner. 

Craig: Shut the hell up, we all know the real reason why you’re like this is because you want his *Bleep* dick, and you’re just jealous of the attention that he stops giving you when he’s all up in Wendy’s business. It’s *Bleep* embarrassing. 

Kyle: Oh? You want to know what’s embarrassing? When you go all up in Tweek’s business and act like you *Bleep* own his *Bleep*. 

Craig: *Drops fork*.

Bebe: Oh *Bleep*! *Bleep* about to go down again y’all! 

Clyde: Craig just calm down…

Token: Craig remember your anger management classes…

Jimmy: I-It’s not w-worth it Cr-craig. 

Stan: Craig you’re a *Bleep* -hic- pussy.

Tweek: OHJESUSWHYDIDYOUDOTHAT!?

Craig: *Stabs Meatball with knife*.

Wendy: Hey, me and Clyde worked really hard on those meatballs! 

Craig: WHY DON’T YOU SAY THAT AGAIN SO THE WHOLE *BLEEP* WORLD CAN HEAR YOUR ALCOHOLIC *BLEEP*. 

Heidi: This is literally what happened last time. 

Stan: I SAID- 

Loudspeakers: Hello  _ cliche _ house guests! We will now reveal the placements for today’s competition! After this, please go outside so we can begin today’s elimination cere- cerem- cerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr  

… 

…

… 

**Real life P.O.V**

“America, this is Stan Marsh! I repeat, this is Stan Marsh of the  _ cliche  _ household! I’ve intercepted the broadcasting signal of tonight’s episode to enform all of you that  _ cliche  _ is NOT a reality show by MTV! MTV is one of the major crime syndicates in the crystal meth productions and trade. My friends and I are being forced to partake in this reality show in order to cover up the fact that we are all being forced to make crystal meth for one of the largest crime syndicate-”

“Stan hurry up, the trucks are pulling into the driveway, we need to get out of here!” 

“Hold on Kyle, get Clyde, Red and Tweek in the van, they got shot! America! Do NOT believe in reality television! I repeat, do not-” 

… 

… 

… 

… 

… 

**Reality Television P.O.V**

_ We see the cliche houseguests enter the elimination chambers in the backyard. Tensions are high among the contestants. _

**Bebe confessional**

**Bebe: I’m one hundred percent sure that I’m at least in the top five.**

**Kyle confessional**

**Kyle: I hope that Stan’s in the bottom two again.**

**Tweek confessional**

**Tweek: Agh! This is way too much pressure!**

Loudspeakers: Hello cliche houseguests! You all know the rules already, but let’s go over it again. I’ll call your name  _ one by one  _ this time, so there will be a list, one through fifteen. Your final placements for this week will be a total of your popularity score from the viewers and your own challenge score. First place gets a one hundred dollar gift card to a store personalized to you. However, this week, your overall rankings will be revealed, which is a mix of your final score this week and you're final score last week. Are you ready?

Everyone: No. 

Loudspeakers: Ok! When I call your name, please proceed to the same winners area as before. The first name I will call, and the winner of a personalized $100 gift card is… 

*Close up on Craig’s face*

*Close up on Bebe’s face*

*Close up on Butters’ face*

Loudspeakers: Token! 

Clyde: TOKEN!!!

Token: Hah! *Bleep* you Bebe!

Bebe: I didn’t realize we had a *Bleep* rivalry. 

Loudspeakers: Token, as the first place winner of this week, we present to you, a one hundred dollar gift card to Gamestop!

Token:... Oh.

Craig: He’s *Bleep* rich! He doesn’t need a *Bleep* gift card anywhere!

Token: Clyde, it’s yours.

Clyde: *High pitched squeal*. 

_ Token walks over to the winner’s circle and sits down on the comfortable seats.  _

Loudspeakers: Runner up for this week is… 

*Close up on Kenny’s face*

*Close up on Cartman’s face*

*Close up on Clyde’s face*

Loudspeakers: From second last to second place, Stan! 

Stan: OHH!!! Suck it Kyle! *Bleep* *Bleep*. *Bleep* you Wendy! *Bleep* you Craig! 

**Kyle confession**

**Kyle: I just realized I need to explain my *Bleep* to Stan.**

Wendy: Get your *Bleep* over to the winner’s circle. 

Craig: Choke on a dick. 

Loudspeakers: Third place goes too… 

*Close up on Red’s face*

*Close up on Tweek’s face*

*Close up on Heidi’s face*

Loudspeakers: Bebe!

Bebe: BOOM! Still near the top *Bleep*!!! 

_ Leaderboard: _

 

  * __Token__


  * _Stan_


  * _Bebe_



 

Loudspeakers: Fourth place for this week is… 

*Close up on Wendy’s face*

*Close up on Kyle’s face*

*Close up on Jimmy’s face* 

Loudspeakers: Craig! 

Craig: *Flips off everyone in the area* That was for everyone except Tweek. 

Tweek: NGH!!! Go away! 

Loudspeakers: Fifth place is… 

*Close up on Jimmy’s face*

*Close up on Nichole’s face*

*Close up on Wendy’s face* 

Loudspeakers: Jimmy!

Jimmy: S-s-s-suck it as-as- *Bleep*. 

Red: *Bleep* you. 

Loudspeakers: Great job Jimmy and everyone else. Now… Sixth place for this week is… 

*Close up on Butters’s face*

*Close up on Clyde’s face*

*Close up on Tweek’s face*

Loudspeakers: Clyde! 

_ Leaderboard: _

 

  * __Token__


  * _Stan_


  * _Bebe_


  * _Craig_


  * _Jimmy_


  * _Clyde_



 

Clyde: Oh my gosh America loves me! *Ugly cry face* 

Cartman: Get off the *Bleep* stage fag! 

Loudspeakers: Ok guys. Seventh place for this week is… 

*Close up on Kenny’s face*

*Close up on Wendy’s face*

*Close up on Cartman’s face* 

Loudspeakers: Heidi! For having the most personality! 

Heidi: All I did was cry because Red was being a *Bleep*

Red: And I helped you rise in the ranks, you're welcome! 

Loudspeakers: Ok. Eighth place is.. 

*Close up on Butters’s face*

*Close up on Red’s face*

*Close up on Nichole’s face*

Loudspeakers: Kenny! 

Kenny: Why did I place so late than last time?

Loudspeakers: America unfortunately thinks that you have no personality. 

**Kenny confessional**

**Kenny: Oh,  next week I’ll definitely show America some personality all right *winks seductively*.**

Craig: You *Bleep* whore.

Kenny: You *Bleep* stoner.

Nichole: And they both lived happily ever after. 

Bebe: You really just want all the guys to *Bleep* each other, don’t you? 

Nichole: Ugh, no! Who do you think I am?

**Nichole confessional**

**Nichole: I have the orgy planned in my head, my journals, and my yaoi art. Sometimes I really think I should work as a director for a gay porn studio.**

Loudspeakers: In Ninth place is… 

*Close up on Cartman’s face*

*Close up on Wendy’s face*

*Close up on Kyle’s face*

Loudspeakers: Nichole! 

Nichole: Oh thank god! I don’t want to end up like Wendy!

Wendy: Oh *Bleep* you! 

Loudspeakers:  Tenth place goes to Red! 

Red: Oh thank god! Why the hell did I place so last? Is it because I don’t have personality? 

Loudspeakers: No, it’s because you actually placed lower in the challenge. 

**Red confessional**

**Red: Looks like I’ll have to sabotage EVERYTHING now.**

_ Leaderboard _

 

  * __Token__


  * _Stan_


  * _Bebe_


  * _Craig_


  * _Jimmy_


  * _Clyde_


  * _Heidi_


  * _Kenny_


  * _Nichole_


  * _Red_



 

Loudspeakers: Cartman, Kyle, Wendy, Tweek, Butters, you five have the lowest challenge scores and lowest popularity scores. In eleventh place is… 

*Close up on Tweek’s face*

*Close up on Butters’s face*

*Close up on Kyle’s face*

Loudspeakers: Wendy! 

Wendy: Oh thank god! *Bleep* you Cartman! 

Cartman: Boo, boo Wendy Testaburger, boo. 

Loudspeakers: Next up in twelfth place is… 

*Close up on Butter’s face*

*Close up on Tweek’s face*

*Close up on Kyle’s face*

*Close up on Cartman’s face* 

Loudspeakers: Butters! 

Kenny: Buttercup yay!

Butters: B-but why did I place so last? Is it because I have no personality either?

Loudspeakers: Yup.

Butters: Aw, hamburgers, I knew it. My parents are probably gonna ground me again. 

Cartman: Why the hell is this the second time in a row that I find myself in the bottom three!?

Tweek: *BLEEP* I KNEW I DIDN’T HAVE PERSONALITY!

Kyle: Why the hell am I here? 

Loudspeakers: Ok. The next name I will call is… 

*Close up on Cartman’s face*

*Close up on Tweek’s face*

*Close up on Kyle’s face*

Loudspeakers:... Cartman!

Cartman: OHH!!! America likes me more than you two! Nyeh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh! Hey Kahl!? Guess who’s HELLA cooler than you!?

Kyle: I’M GONNA KICK YOUR FAT *BLEEP* INTO THE NEXT *BLEEP*-

Loudspeakers: Cartman, please stop dancing and go to the waiting area with the rest of your housemates. 

Cartman: *Bleep* you Kahl! 

Loudspeakers: Will Tweek and Kyle, please step forward.

Tweek: Oh Jesus help me! 

Kyle: *Sigh*.

Loudspeakers: Both of you are in the bottom two for two different reasons. Tweek, despite it being the second week of the show, you are the only one out of all the houseguests to have not shown ANY personality whatsoever, and you have failed to score well in the challenge.

Tweek: WHAT CONSTITUTES AS PERSONALITY TO YOU PEOPLE!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU! I WANT OUT! 

Loudspeakers: And then we have Kyle, so smart, so loud, so honest, but when we look at your relationship with Stan, America can’t help but feel that you’re a backstabbing *Bleep*.

Stan: Go to hell Kyle!!! 

Kyle: I was doing it because-

Loudspeakers: But there are no excuses, not now. So who’s safe from getting last place? 

*Close up on Tweek*

*Close up on Kyle* 

*Close up on Craig*

*Close up on Stan*

Stan: *Bleep* you Kyle!

Craig: Yeah, give it to Tweek.

Kenny: I mean honestly Kyle did perform better in the competition.

Token: But Tweek did lock in his answer faster. 

Craig: Ok, this rivalry is between me and Marsh, this is not a clique thing. 

Loudspeakers: Kyle! 

Cartman: Boo, boo Wendy Testaburger, boo.

Wendy: I’m not even in the bottom two *Bleep*. 

_ This weeks leaderboard: _

 

  * __Token__


  * _Stan_


  * _Bebe_


  * _Craig_


  * _Jimmy_


  * _Clyde_


  * _Heidi_


  * _Kenny_


  * _Nichole_


  * _Red_


  * _Wendy_


  * _Butters_


  * _Cartman_


  * _Kyle_


  * _Tweek_



 

Tweek: *BLEEP*.

Kyle leaning in on Tweek’s ear whispering: meet me after the ceremony. 

Tweek: AGH!

Loudspeakers: Tweek, I’m sorry, but this means that you are the least likeable  _ cliche  _ house guest of this week and you failed the challenge this week. Please work on your non existent personality.

Tweek: *BLEEP* YOU!!! 

Craig: If it’ll make you feel better we can cuddle tonight.

Tweek: I-

_ Kyle’s finger tapped on Tweek’s shoulder, motioning him to submit to Craig.  _

Kyle: it’s part of the plan… 

Tweek: NGH-... I.... Uh… 

Nichole: OMG he’s so cute! I’m literally gonna throw up and die right here, you guys, he is JUST that cute! 

Tweek: Uhh… 

Craig: Tweekers~.

Kyle: just do it! You know what to do… 

Tweek: O-only if you make me coffee!!!... And you’re gentle with me!

Nichole: AHHH!

Bebe: AHHH!

Heidi: AHHH!

Wendy: AHHH!

Red: I would be screaming uncontrollably too but it’s weird to be thinking sexual thoughts of any kind about your cousin. 

Craig: Wait what? 

Cartman: Fags. 

_ Craig picks up Tweek bridal style rubs his nose against his.  _

Nichole: OMG I AM LITERALLY IN HEAVEN RIGHT NOW! 

**Kyle confession**

**Kyle: Heh, all apart of the plan… We’re gonna kick everyone’s *Bleep*!**

**Tweek confession**

**Tweek: I’MNOTGOODATSEDUCINGPEOPLEARGHNGHHHAHH!!!**

_ Well folks, that’s it for this week’s episode of Cliche. Tune in next week to see who ends up on top, and who ends up on the bottom.  _


	6. Third Week, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part one of the experience before the show starts. Stan gets drunk again, and all hell breaks loose. Kyle makes his alliance with Tweek official.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for not updating on Tuesday! I had a mini breakdown because I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, but that’s ok, because no one else does! So for everyone out there that is freaking out because they don’t know what they want, it’ll be ok, but you have to go out there and find it and not wait for something to happen. Alrighty y’all, It’s UmbrielBrechen here to give you guys the first chapter of the real-life situation outside of reality television. How this will work from here on out is after doing an episode (2-3 chapters) of reality television I’ll do 1-3 chapters of the real life events that both lead up to the S.P gang joining Cliche, the events that happen after filming, and what happens after the reality show. However, in this chapter, I’ll give you guys ONE chapter of real life and ONE chapter of reality television to make up for the fact that I’m hella days late. Also, tell me if there’s anyone you want to see more of in the show. I already have plans for everyone but I’m scared that I’m not giving the characters equal camera time. Thanks for reading!

“Fuck…” It is about six thirty in the morning on this cold saturday. Kyle woke up to the sound of the mail being dropped off at his door. “Why the hell is the mail here this early…” Deciding he needs a cup of water before heading back to bed, Kyle quickly stretches out and leaves his warm sanctuary to retrieve the mail and water. Normally Kyle would just leave the mail until his dad gets it later on in the morning, except Cartman has a tendency to steal the Broflovski’s mail because they’re Jewish.

“*Yawn*” His mouth still tastes like Stan’s dick from last night. Yup, after years of ignoring Kyle’s feelings, Stan has finally realized his own after he  _ avoided  _ drinking last night at Clyde’s party. Interestingly, it was Kyle who got drunk, and somehow found himself at his Super Best  _ Boyfriend’s _ crotch. Yeah, it finally happened, tell the whole yaoi fanbase at school that Style finally happened. 

 

After gulping down two glasses of water for his thirsty self, Kyle walks to his living room to get the mail from outside. The cold South Park air hits him hard, but it’s nothing at this point, Kyle’s skin is more than resilient to the cold affects of South Park’s cold air. Let’s see… 

 

“Bill. Bill. Jury duty, hah, have fun mom.” Until Kyle’s hands found a letter addressed to  _ him. _ Now, Kyle is barely an adult, and if there’s anything he learned when he was a pre-teen, mail just means bills and shit. But this, this  _ yellow  _ envelope with  _ pink polka dots  _ was extremely interesting. Deciding it was too early to deal with it, Kyle grabs the rest of the mail before Cartman decides to show up, and reenters his house. 

 

Craig let out one last moan and groan before he collapsed in bed next to Tweek. 

 

“*Pant* *Pant* *Pant* I told you sex is better in the morning!” Tweek yells. His voice echoes throughout his house.

 

“Fuck… It’s so weird to fuck without trying to hush each other. By the way, are you sure you never want to try fucking me?” Craig asks, giving a quick peck to the lips of his boyfriend.

 

“Trust me, I get more pleasure from jerking off.”

 

“Ouch, harsh.”

 

“That’s what dildos are for.” Yup, tell the world that Tweek became a little bitch with someone of an attitude after  _ officially  _ getting with Craig a couple of years ago. Which is good, because assholes like Cartman would take advantage of the little blonde’s ass. “Ahh! I’m going to sleep.” 

 

“I’m so happy your parents are gone forever and in jail for the whole crystal meth shit.”

 

“Yeah, me too, and I still got to keep the house!”

 

“So have you finally decided what you’re doing with your life Tweekers?”

 

“I’m not sure. I’m kind of done with the whole coffee thing, but we’ll see. You’ll be there, so I’m not freaking out.”

 

“And you’ll be there when I do some science shit.”

 

“And then we’ll buy a house somewhere that’s not South Park.”

 

“And then we’ll live happily ever after potentially with children.”

 

“Haha, no.”

 

“You’re right, we’ll just raise a shit ton of guinea pigs all named stripe.” 

 

“Can we have one cat?”

 

“No, the cat will eat the guinea pigs.”

 

“Can I get a something then?”

 

“You can get a fish.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

Wendy wakes up from her slumber in Bebe’s house, the girls all had a sleepover to talk shit about everyone. 

 

“Six thirty? What the hell?” 

 

“Go back to fucking sleep.” Red groans, having been woken up by Wendy’s bullshit.

 

“Fuck you.” Nichole stretches from the floor and rubs her eyes.

 

“Girls, it’s too early to be fighting…” 

 

As the girls begin their early morning ramble, the door slams open, with Bebe holding five envelopes in her hands. Heidi takes one look from the ground at Bebe, and immediately covers herself with her blanket. 

 

“GIRLS! OH MY GOSH, LOOK WHAT I HAVE IN MY HANDS!!!”

 

“Is it the key to shut your damn mouth up?” Bebe scoffs and rolls her eyes at Red.

 

“Shut up Red! No, legit, take a fucking look!” Wendy pulls the covers off of her and walks over to Bebe.

 

“Bebe I swear to god, it it’s a coupon to DSW then go away-” Bebe slaps the envelopes on Wendy’s forehead and screams, 

 

“READ IT!!!” Everyone else gets out of bed to see the bullshit that Bebe has in her hands, and every girl in the room takes one of five envelopes.

 

Nichole: Holy-

 

Red: Shit-

 

Heidi: Oh-

 

Bebe: My-

 

Wendy: HOLY SHIT OH MY GOSH THIS IS THE ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO THAT REALITY SHOW THAT CAME TO THE SCHOOL ASKING FOR SIGN UPS!!!

 

Every student congregated in Park High School to the School Bulletin board to see who was accepted in the new reality show that’s taking place in South and North Park. After many over upset students walked away from the bulletin board, only fifteen students remained, starring who else made it into the so called  _ cliche  _ house. Clyde is the first one to react to this news.

 

“*Sob* *Sob* *Sob* Guys we got in! Group hug!”

 

“D-d-don’t fucking tou-touch me.” Jimmy says, backing away from Clyde. 

 

“I’m good.” Craig says, latching onto Tweek instead.

 

“Sorry Clyde.” Token instead pulls his boyfriend closer and kisses him on the forehead. 

 

“It’s ok, I got you Clyde!”

 

“I *Sob* love you Token!” Cartman rolls his eyes at the list and turns to Wendy.

 

“Well, at least I got someone in the house that I don’t entirely hate.”

 

“Aw sweety, that’s so nice! Congratulations everybody!”

 

“Wait!” Kyle yells, walking to the center of everybody.

 

“Is no one going to question the fact that  _ we  _ got chosen to go in the house?” Bebe rolls her eyes and as she applies makeup to her face.

 

“Sweet cheeks, does it really matter that we got accepted? It’s a known fact that the fifteen of us are pretty awesome!” Stan walks towards Kyle and kisses him on the forehead to comfort him.

 

“Dude, chill out! This is gonna be great!”

 

“But-”

 

“I agree with Broflovski, this is kind of sketchy, I didn’t even apply to be in the house.” Everyone turns their head towards Craig. Tweek looks up to his boyfriend’s face in question.

 

“What? You told me you applied like everyone else!”

 

“I lied.” Heidi steps forward and raises her hand.

 

“Girls, I have a confession, I didn’t apply to be in the house either.” Nichole gasps in surprise and covers her mouth with her hands in response.

 

“But we all did it together at my house!”

 

“I lied, I was just scrolling through old photos of us when we were kids on coonstagram.” 

 

Everyone: Oh, Memories.

 

“I don’t know about you guys, but The Coon was a pretty awesome superhero.” 

 

“Haha, Mysterion was arguably the best.”

 

“Super Craig had his moments too.”

 

“Mosquito was pretty useful in combat also.”

 

“Shut up Clahd.” 

 

“Your so mean to me Cartman!”

 

“Can we all get back to the situation here! Although Call Girl was awesome too.”

 

“...”

 

“...”

 

“...”

 

“After the reality show, let’s all play superheros again!” Butters suggests, “The rest of the girls can join us also!”

 

“Buttercup, we’re all juniors in high school.” Stan raises his hand and gets everyone’s attention.

 

“I think we should play superheroes after this.” Everyone stays silent and looks at Stan like he’s crazy. 

 

“... For once I agree with him.” Craig says.

 

“Ok! Everyone, let’s meet up at Freedom Pals layer and we’ll discuss the circumstances of the events!” Kenny says in his deep Mysterion voice. 

 

“Wait, wait, wait, are we really dressing in our costumes?” Token asks. “I’m pretty sure that our old costumes aren’t going to fit on us.” 

 

“Ok, wait, hold up!” Bebe yells, “Do the girls have to dress up as these ‘superheros’ also?” 

 

“I actually always wanted to be apart of the superhero gang when I was a kid.” Red says. Nichole and Heidi nods in agreement. 

 

“Ok well, we need to meet tomorrow because I need to come up with a whole entire outfit for this then, and all of you guys need to find something that fits you guys. Freedom Pals, out!”

 

“Hey! I’m the leader-”

 

“CO-leader Kinny!” 

 

“CO-LEADER of Freedom Pals and I can only say that! Freedom Pals, out!”

 

“Y-y-you guys are in-in-insane, but I’m actually pretty excited.” Jimmy says as the group walks away from each other towards their next class.” 

 

“I hope that we’re all talking about the actual situation and not actually playing superheros!” 

 

“Boo, boo Wendy Testaburger boo.”

 

“Shut up, you love me!”

 

“No I don’t! I just have sex with you and have feelings for you from time to time!” 

  
  


***REALITY TELEVISION P.O.V***

 

_ Previously on Cliche… _

 

_ Relationships begin to crumble and fall apart as drama and rivalries in the Cliche house intensifies. Last week’s bottom two save Stan made it all the way to second place in the second elimination ceremony, easily becoming one of the most fiercest competitors in this competition. However, after a shocking attack from former super best friend Kyle caused this All American Jock to blow up…  _

 

_ Stan: I have a *Bleep* bone to pick with you Kyle!  _

_ Bebe: Oh my gosh guys, here we go!  _

_ Kyle: *Bleep*. _

_ Stan: Why the *Bleep* did you try to *Bleep* shoot me!? And don’t give me that lame *Bleep* *Bleep* excuse that this is some *Bleep* competition!  _

_ Token: I think I should go… _

_ Stan: Nope! Nope! Everyone sit your *Bleep* down and enjoy your *Bleep* Korean pork lettuce wraps! _

 

_ Kyle on the other end experienced the worst end of the deal, as he ended up being fourteenth place, being chosen over personalityless Tweek…  _

 

_ Tweek: *BLEEP*. _

 

_ Dynamic competitor Jimmy also got in a little tussle with Token after he stepped in to protect Clyde…  _

 

_ Clyde: TOKEN! WAAH!!! _

_ Token: Woah, what the *Bleep* is going on here!? _

_ Clyde: JIMMY’S BEING MEAN TO ME!!!  _

_ Jimmy: Shut u-up Clyde. You’re a *Bleep* crybaby.  _

**_Wendy confessional_ **

**_Wendy: Why are guys so weird!? Sometimes I think Bebe’s right, we should all just become lesbians._ **

 

_ Drama, competition, and dysfunctional relationships. Find it all here in this episode of Cliche.  _

 

_ … _

 

_ … _

 

_ … _

 

_ Welcome back to this episode of Cliche! The contestants are now getting back inside of the Cliche house.  _

 

**Kenny confession**

**Kenny: So last week I was *Bleep* called late because I apparently have ‘no personality’. Let me assure you America, before I met Buttercup, I had the** **_most_ ** **personality from my back tail to my front tail. *Sensual smirk*.**

 

Kenny: Hey Buttercup~.

 

Butters: Hey Ken. I’m sorry that the loudspeaker person said that you have no personality. If it means anything to you, I think you have the best personality in this entire competition!

 

Kenny: It’s ok Leo, I’m just kind of feeling down right now.

 

Butters: Ahh, if it makes you feel better, I can give you a hug!

 

Kenny: Aww, that would be great Butters!

 

_ Butters jumps into Kenny’s arms and Kenny carries him towards the couch. From the other side of the room, Nichole observes Kenny and Butters intensely while sipping soda.  _

 

Kenny: Nichole, are you just gonna stand there and stare at us?

 

Nichole: Yes.

 

Kenny: Ok then… 

 

_ From the kitchen, Stan and Wendy bicker as Wendy puts away the leftovers in the fridge. _

 

Stan: Look Wendy, I still want to make this work out!

 

Wendy: I tried talking to you, but you wouldn’t listen to me.

 

Stan: Wendy I was drunk, I don’t even remember what happened, come on!

 

Wendy: Do you even know the *Bleep* you say when you’re drunk?

 

Stan: Does it matter? It’s not like I meant all that stuff anyways.

 

Wendy: Well it does Stanley. I don’t want to continue this relationship anymore because we’re not only hurting ourselves, but some people around us. 

 

_ Jimmy walks into the kitchen for a glass of water, but immediately walks out after seeing Stan and Wendy. _

 

Stan:... Fine. 

 

_ Stan goes into the refrigerator and immediately pulls out a random bottle of alcohol.  _

 

Wendy: Stanley!

 

Stan: What? You said that we aren’t a couple anymore, why are you still trying to tell me what to do? *Chugs down first bottle of beer*.

 

Wendy: That doesn’t mean I want to be your friend, I still care about you!

 

_ Stan ignores Wendy and immediately fishes out a second bottle. _

 

Wendy: *Sigh* You’re ridiculous Stanley. I hope you get help.

 

Stan: I AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC!!!

 

Craig: SHUT THE *BLEEP* UP I CAN HEAR YOUR *BLEEP* *BLEEP* FROM UPSTAIRS!!!

 

Stan: YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!!! ALL YOU’RE DOING IS MOLESTING TWEEK!!! 

 

_ Bebe and Red run out of from Token’s room and immediately runs towards the stairs. _

 

Red: NICHOLE! GET YOUR ASS UP! WE FOUND EVIDENCE!

 

Craig: IT’S NOT MOLESTING IF IT’S CONSENSUAL FROM BOTH SIDES!!!

 

Nichole: RED I HAVE TO WATCH THIS!

 

Wendy: This is why you don’t drink! You cause all this *Bleep* for everyone else around you and you don’t even care!

 

Stan: DO I LOOK LIKE I’M TALKING TO YOU!

 

Bebe: OH MY GOSH DRAMA BOMB! WHERE THE HELL IS HEIDI, SHE HAS TO SEE THIS!

 

Heidi: Eric, all I’m doing is to get you to listen to me!

 

Cartman: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, my name’s Heidi and I have emotions. 

 

Heidi: Hey, that’s rude! Are you even listening to me, I’m doing this for the both of us!

 

Cartman: No you aren’t you selfish *Bleep*.

 

Bebe: Hey, don’t call Heidi a selfish *Bleep* for having emotions!

 

Craig: I’M *BLEEP* TALKING TO YOU MARSH!

 

Kenny: HEY! BUTTERCUP AND I ARE TRYING TO NAP!!!

 

Craig: Why don’t you get your whore *Bleep* out of here and go to your god *Bleep* room dick!? 

 

Wendy: Put that bottle down and listen to me Stan!

 

Heidi: Can you please just listen to me Eric!

 

Red: Holy *Bleep* Nichole we found evidence, *Bleep* listen to me!

 

Jimmy: G-guys, I lost my le-left shoe again. 

 

Bebe: You know what Cartman, maybe you should spend less time being a complete *Bleep* to everyone and go to *Bleep* therapy!

 

Cartman: *Bleep* Therapy! Therapy is just some hippy bull *Bleep* that liberals use to justify being useless!

 

Wendy: Ok, that I cannot stand for!

 

Craig: What you say to me McWHOREmic!?

 

Kenny: Get your stoner *Bleep* out of my god *Bleep* face and stop calling me a god *Bleep* *Bleep* whore you *Bleep* *Bleep* stoner!!!

 

Stan: *BLEEP* YOU WENDY!!!

 

Wendy: Every *clap* single *clap* time *clap* we *Bleep* fight it’s all about your *Bleep* inability to get help for that obvious issue of yours! 

 

Bebe: Cartman you listen to me here! Every time you *Bleep* around doing your *Bleep* schemes someone always gets hurt!

 

_ Tweek and Kyle walk into the room in shock at everyone yelling at eachother.  _

 

Craig: Hah! I told you I wasn’t molesting Tweek!!!

 

Tweek: MOLESTING!?!? OHJESUSWHATTHE*BLEEP*ISGOINGON!!??

 

Craig: Shh Tweekers just calm down.

 

Stan: Aw see, this is what I mean, you *Bleep* try to get all up in Tweek’s *Bleep* that he OBVIOUSLY doesn’t want-

 

Craig: Oh, and you don’t do *Bleep* that Broflovski doesn’t want!?

 

Jimmy: G-g-guys I’m being serious he-he-he-here.

 

Tweek: I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!!! IT IS VERY PLAINLY OBVIOUS THAT I DO NOT WANT YOUR ATTENTION!!!

 

Kyle: Do it Tweek! *Bleep* kill him!

 

Stan: KYLE I LOVE YOU! I WANT YOUR FAT *BLEEP* AROUND MY DICK AND I WANT TO *BLEEP* YOU UNTIL YOU *BLEEP* BEG FOR ME TO LET YOU CUM!!!

 

Kyle: THIS IS WHY WENDY HATES YOU *BLEEP*!!! 

 

Wendy: THIS IS WHY KYLE HATES YOU *BLEEP*!!!

 

Craig: YOU’RE *BLEEP* GROSS MARSH!!!

 

Stan: OH LIKE YOU’RE ANY WORST YOU PIECE OF *BLEEP*!!! 

 

Craig: OH I’M WORST!? LOOK AT THE *BLEEP* WHORE IN *BLEEP* ORANGE CLADDED ARMOR THAT’S LAYING ON THE *BLEEP* COUCH!!!

 

Kenny: You know what Craig? I think that you’re *Bleep* scared to realize the fact that the only reason why Tweek puts up with your bull *Bleep* is because you’re a *Bleep*-

 

_ Token walks down from the gym and walks down the stairs to join the fray. _

 

Token: YOU ALL NEED TO *BLEEP* CALM DOWN!!!

 

Everyone: Shut up Token!

 

Token: Oh *Bleep* no I am not going to shut up when you all *Bleep* are making *Bleep* *Bleep* *Bleep* Hyena *Bleep* noises!!! 

 

Clyde: WAAAAAAAAAH!!! EVERYONE’S YELLING AT EACHOTHER AND IT’S SCARING ME!!! 

 

Token: Clyde just stay calm, I’ll be there in a second! Everyone, GO TO *BLEEP* BED!!!

 

_ After Token yelled at everyone, the group that fought continued to ramble for a few more minutes until Butters began crying because of a shot glass Stan threw at Kenny somehow hit Butters.  _

 

_ *Montage of the sky transitioning from stars to sun to portray a passing of time* _

 

_ Morning hits South Park fast. Tweek and Kyle volunteer to make breakfast early in the morning. But in actuality, they’re discussing their plans to take down Stan and Craig. Tweek cracks multiple eggs into a bowl and starts mixing it with oregano, salt and pepper while Kyle begins making a healthy pitcher of lemonade.  _

 

Kyle: Tweek, do you know why I chose you to be in an alliance with?

 

Tweek: N-NGH-no.

 

Kyle: It’s because everybody sees us as the *submissive* ones of the fifteen of us.

 

Tweek: W-w-what does that mean!? I’m not submissive, I beat Craig’s *Bleep* a long time ago!

 

Kyle: No Tweek. It’s more than that. They see us like this because Stan and Craig.

 

Tweek: B-but neither of us are dating them!

 

Kyle: But remember the yaoi? 

 

Tweek: Oh Jesus NOTTHEYAOI!!! 

 

Kyle: It’s all because of that, everyone thinks that we’re just some submissive *Bleep* toy that can be *Bleep* around with! 

 

Tweek: Now that you mention it, I do remember that the majority of the fanfictions were about me getting r-raped by Craig.

 

Kyle: And I got raped by Stan!

 

Tweek: WAITREALLY?!

 

Kyle: In the yaoi I did, but it’s more than a fanfic or piece of art, it’s the fact that everyone in this whole god *Bleep* town believes in that and thinks that we’re just willing to bend over and be *Bleep* with!

 

Tweek: AHH!!!

 

Kyle: You and I both know that we aren’t like that.

 

Tweek: Yeah! You’re right! Gah! I’m angry now!

 

Kyle: Use that anger Tweek! Help me kick everyone’s *Bleep* in this competition and you and I can get first and second place!

 

Tweek: You’ve got a deal!

 

_ And they both shook on it. _

 

**Tweek confessional**

**Tweek: Gah! I’m gonna kick everyone’s *Bleep*!**

 

**Kyle confessional**

**Kyle: Heh, how do you like this Stan! That’s what you get for *Bleep* with me! Everytime he drinks it’s always “Kyle I love you” “Don’t ignore me Kyle” “Kyle let me *Bleep* you” but no! You don’t do that to people! You don’t make people fall in love with you after lying to them constantly like that!**

 


	7. Chapter woop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek and Kyle conspire against Stan and Craig. The girls have their girl talk. The findings from Token's room is revealed. The challenge for this week is explained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! UmbrielBrechen with INHTMFIHTMCM. So recently I decided that I have no idea how to format this story and the formatting I told y’all last time isn’t working out for me. So from here on out be prepared for disorganization and bullshit. I will try to find a way to stick to a new organization process or stick with the old one, but at the moment, I just don’t have the inspiration (excuses I know) to come up with that much content or time (I’m a full time college student with a job starting soon) and hopefully I can manage the time and energy to create actual content that is better. I will also try my best to make the chapters longer because I feel like it’s all too short. Thanks for listening!

**REALITY T.V P.O.V**

 

_ Previously on Cliche…  _

 

_ Another round of fighting takes place in the Cliche household. Front-runner Stan has been broken up with dynamic contestant Wendy after Stan couldn’t keep his bottle tightly closed. _

 

_ Stan: Look Wendy, I still want to make this work out! _

_ Wendy: I tried talking to you, but you wouldn’t listen to me. _

_ Stan: Wendy I was drunk, I don’t even remember what happened, come on! _

_ Wendy: Do you even know the *Bleep* you say when you’re drunk? _

_ Stan: Does it matter? It’s not like I meant all that stuff anyways. _

_ Wendy: Well it does Stanley. I don’t want to continue this relationship anymore because we’re not only hurting ourselves but some people around us.  _

_ Jimmy walks into the kitchen for a glass of water but immediately walks out after seeing Stan and Wendy. _

_ Stan:... Fine.  _

_ Stan goes into the refrigerator and immediately pulls out a random bottle of alcohol.  _

_ Wendy: Stanley! _

_ Stan: What? You said that we aren’t a couple anymore, why are you still trying to tell me what to do? *Chugs down first bottle of beer*. _

 

_ Which ultimately led to the-..*Static* _

 

_...Kyle and Stan… *Static* _

 

_ … Which led to her getting shot… *Static* _

 

_ *Static* _

 

_ …  _

 

_ …  _

 

_ … _

 

_ Welcome back to Cliche! We return to where we left off last time, we see Tweek and Kyle making breakfast for everyone… _

 

Kyle: Tweek, so do you get it now?

 

Tweek: NGH- Yeah! 

 

Kyle: And you realized that you *Bleep* up last night?

 

Tweek: Yeah, but I can make it work, it isn’t like Craig would notice since the only thing that he’ll *Bleep* notice is me at the end.

 

Kyle: So you know what you have to do?

 

Tweek: Yes.

 

**Kyle Confession**

**Kyle: So last time, Tweek and I discussed the plan to take down Stan and Craig. We’ve both come to the conclusion that both of them are pretty strong competitors in the competition, and now that Wendy isn’t with Stan anymore, he’s even more dangerous because he’s more focused on the competition. BUT, if there’s anything that can stop Craig, it’s Tweek. All Tweek’s gotta do is get Craig to be distracted in all of the challenges so he scores lower and Tweek and I can potentially score higher. As for dealing with Stan… I’ll hit him when he’s drunk.**

 

_ Jimmy walks down the stairs and into the kitchen with red eyes. _

 

Jimmy: You guys are *Bleep* l-l-loud as *Bleep*.

 

Tweek: Sit your *Bleep* down and eat then.

 

Jimmy: What the hell have y-y-y-you been smo-smoking to make you wake u-u-up on the wrong side of the- wrong side of the bed?

 

_ Tweek slides over Jimmy’s breakfast with great force, and stomps out of the kitchen. _

 

**Tweek confession**

**Tweek: Am I being a *Bleep* correctly? AHH! It’s too much pressure!**

 

Jimmy: W-w-wow, Tweek’s a really good actor.

 

**Kyle confession**

**Kyle: Heh, we’re *Bleep* taking over this competition.**

 

_ *Montage of sun rising and cars driving in downtown to show a passing of time.* _

 

_ The rest of the housemates are up and ready for the day. Let’s go outside near the pool to check out what the girls are talking about.  _

 

Bebe: Girls, it’s been way too long since we’ve had quality girl talk.

 

Red: Can we talk about the *Bleep* *Bleep* breakfast this morning? I swear to *Bleep* god, I *Bleep* ten times in the *Bleep* toilet. It’s *Bleep* sabotage, that’s what it is. 

 

Bebe: OH MY GOSH, that was you who was taking up the time in the bathroom!?

 

Wendy: Wait, which bathroom are you guys talking about, because Clyde was hogging the bathroom upstairs for a *Bleep* ton of time.

 

Bebe: OH MY GOSH, that was *Bleep* Clyde hogging the bathroom!? I swear I am NEVER living with boys ever again. 

 

Nichole: Wait, I thought Clyde was hogging the downstairs bathroom?

 

Heidi: No, that was me, sorry girls!

 

Nichole: Oh my gosh, it smelled like *Bleep* *Bleep*.

 

Bebe: Ok, talking about *Bleep* aside, WENDY, can we *Bleep* talk about what the hell is going on between you and Stan now?

 

Nichole: Yeah, like is he gay? Yet?

 

Wendy: Honestly girls, I’m just waiting until for him to end up in the bottom two again. He is going down.

 

Nichole: Yaaz girl, slay!

 

Red: You *Bleep* have been on and off since *Bleep* elementary school, it’s about *Bleep* time that he ends up with Kyle.

 

Heidi: Girls, they aren’t even together yet!

 

Red: What!? Then who the hell was having loud *Bleep* sex in the middle of the night?!

 

Bebe: Oh no, that was me from last night, I was throwing the *Bleep* up! Who the hell made dinner last night!?

 

Wendy: Me and Clyde.

 

Bebe: No, no, no, the second dinner.

 

Nichole: What the *Bleep*, you ate a second dinner?

 

Red: I had a third dessert so whatever. 

 

Heidi: Wait, no one cooked a second dinner last night, remember? No one even cooked dessert!

 

Bebe: No! What the hell was that sweet and sour chicken doing in the fridge then!? 

 

Red: Yeah, and what the hell was that fruit galette in the fridge too!?

 

Wendy: No one could have made any of those dishes! I think someone in this house is trying to sabotage the rest of us! 

 

Everyone: *Gasp*!

 

Red: It all makes sense! 

 

Wendy: I think we should get down to the bottom of this, and take that *Bleep* down!

 

Bebe: Wait, before we take anyone down, can we talk about what the *Bleep* was found in Token’s bedroom?

 

Nichole: OH MY GOSH, I completely forgot about that! 

 

Wendy: OH my gosh, same! Tell us everything!

 

Bebe: Ok girls, gather around mama Bebe, I’ll tell all!

 

_ The girls gather around Bebe and wait in anticipation. Bebe takes out a fancy journal that one would find at a Barnes and Nobles, and turns a couple of pages.  _

 

Bebe *Clears throat* Just so you girls know, I was saving this for when we all meet up. 

 

Nichole: Thanks girl!

 

Bebe: No problem girl! Anyways, it looks like this is a list of… 

 

_ Bebe brings the book closer to her face to read the book better. Everyone else waits in silence as Bebe reads Token’s journal.  _

 

Bebe: Holy *Bleep*. This is just a journal about-

 

Clyde: GIRLS!

 

_ As Clyde spontaneously yells outside, Bebe accidentally lets go of the journal and into the water out of surprise.  _

 

Bebe: *BLEEP* *BLEEP*!!! GOD *BLEEP* *BLEEP* IT! CLYDE YOU DUMB *BLEEP*!!!

 

Clyde: W-w-what did I do?!

 

Bebe: YOU-

 

Wendy: You disturbed our girl talk!

 

_ Wendy turns to Bebe and whispers in her ear: _

 

Wendy: Bebe don’t go off on him!

 

Bebe: Why!? I am so sick and tired of him barking up my *Bleep*! 

 

Wendy: Because if you go off on him, you make enemies with not only him, but Token! And maybe even Craig, Jimmy, and Tweek! 

 

Bebe: *Bleep* you’re right! Oh Clyde!~ Don’t cry Clyde! I’m sorry for yelling at you! 

 

Clyde: *Sniff* I-It’s ok Bebe! 

 

Bebe: I swear to *Bleep* God. Girls, don’t EVER try to seduce a man for stuff. Clyde~! We’ll come in soon!

 

Clyde: Ok!

 

Red: Well played Bebe.

 

Heidi: *Sigh* Well I guess we’ll never know what’s in Token’s journal.

 

Nichole: Are you girls even slightly freaking out over the fact that we dropped Token’s journal!?

 

Bebe: Girls! Calm the *Bleep* down! I still remembered what was in there! And I know a way to replace Token’s journal… 

 

Nichole: So are you gonna tell us what was in there or not?

 

Bebe: It was just *Bleep* about Clyde’s ass. Probably *Bleep* Token jerks off to. 

 

Red: Oh, he must not have a big imagination. 

 

Heidi: Wait, that was it!? That was so uneventful! 

 

Wendy: Well, let’s go inside, my feet’s getting pruney. 

 

_ The girls walk back into the house extremely disappointed.  _

 

**Bebe confessional**

**Bebe: Hehehe, I totally *Bleep* lied to the girls! There was SO much more to the journal than I left off. And that wasn’t even the real copy! I just copied everything from the original! I’m just waiting until the girls freak out from the pressure at the fake thought that they *Bleep* up Token’s *Bleep*. I am SO running this competition.**

 

**Red confessional**

**Red: Ok, that was such *Bleep* *Bleep*! I do NOT trust Bebe! She totally left off more than she knew. Now I gotta keep an eye out on her. *Bleep*.**

 

**Wendy confessional**

**Wendy: Bebe is such a terrible liar! Ever since that shoe incident when we were kids she has been SO power hungry! I have to take her down!**

 

**Nichole confessional**

**Nichole: Honestly y’all, I’m just here to watch the guys *Bleep*.**

 

**Clyde confessional**

**Clyde: I don’t understand why Bebe is so mean to me! All I do is be the nicest person to her! *Incoherent sobbing*.**

 

_ By noon, everyone is at the table eating lunch. This time, Butters and Heidi cooked food for everyone. Today’s course includes Warm French Lentil Salad, Sriracha Meatball Hoagies, and Spicy Tuna Sandwiches.  _

 

Kenny: This is really tasty Buttercup~.

 

Butters: Aww, thanks Ken. 

 

Cartman: Heidi this is *Bleep*.

 

Heidi: Then maybe you should make your own *Bleep* food. 

 

Cartman: You know what *Bleep*-

 

Stan: Can you guys not fight right now? 

 

Craig: Only if you don’t blow up like last time.

 

Stan: Shut up Craig.

 

Craig: Stuff your *Bleep* hoagies up your-

 

Tweek: C-C-Craig? P-please don’t fight right now… 

 

_ Everyone glances at Tweek in confusion, his cute face distracting everyone, including Craig, of what is really happening. Craig drops his fork on his plate and stares at Tweek with a very red face. _

 

**Craig confessional**

**Craig: *Bleep* *Bleep* *Bleep* *Bleep* *Bleep* *Bleep* *Bleep* *Bleep* HE’S SO *BLEEP* CUTE!**

 

Craig: Ok. 

 

Nichole: That was hot. 

 

Stan: Pussy. 

 

**Tweek confessional**

**Tweek: Dumb *Bleep*.**

 

Loudspeakers: Attention  _ Cliche  _ house guests! When you are all finished with your meal, please meet up in the gym for information for your third challenge!

 

**Wendy confessional**

**Wendy: The gym? Hah! There is NO way Cartman can win this challenge if it’s strength based!**

 

_ *Fast forward montage of everyone finishing their meal, then another fast-forward montage of everyone meeting up in the gym* _

 

Loudspeakers: Hello  _ Cliche  _ house guests! Welcome to your third challenge!

 

Kenny: What’s the challenge this time?

 

Loudspeakers: For your third challenge, there will be two parts to it. However, regarding prizes at the end, one person will receive a prize and an advantage in the second part for winning the first part.

 

Clyde: What’s the first part then?

 

Loudspeakers: The first part of the challenge… Is to figure out what the second part of the challenge is!

 

Craig: That’s *Bleep* stupid.

 

Loudspeakers: Without any hints from me! 

 

Red: Then how the hell are we supposed to find out what the second challenge is without hints?!

 

Loudspeakers: Simple. 

 

_ The house begins to shake abruptly, and all the furniture in the house is sucked up into a hole until the house is completely empty.  _

 

Loudspeakers: There are multiple objects in the house that were not there before. Find them and investigate. Good luck! 

 

Kenny: This is *Bleep* stupid. 

 

_ After Kenny finished his sentence, Cartman immediately sprints down the stairs. _

 

Kyle: Wow, I’ve never seen him move that fast before.

 

Cartman: Screw you guys! I’m *Bleep* finding this thing first!

 

Heidi: Oh no! You are NOT winning this challenge!

 

Red: Heidi wait- ah, I’m too lazy to move. 

 

Stan: Alright, come on Kyle, let’s go and find the- oh wait, YOU’RE A DIRTY *BLEEP* TRAITOR!

 

Kyle: I haven’t even explained-

 

Stan: *Bleep* you. Come on Kenny.

 

Kenny: Right behind you. Come on Buttercup~.

 

_ Kenny grabs Butters’s hand and walks down the stairs with him behind Stan.  _

 

Butters: Oh gee, this’ll be fun!

 

_ The rest of the housemates walk down the stairs and is shocked at the site of no furniture. _

 

Clyde: NO! They took the fridge!

 

_ Clyde runs to the cupboards and opens up every door, but becomes even more upset over the site of no more food.  _

 

Token: Dude, focus on the challenge. Does anyone see anything? Anything at all?

 

Craig: I see Tweek’s *Bleep*.

 

Token: Something that isn’t a body part.

 

Wendy: Wait, everyone come here!”

 

_ Everyone follows the sound of Wendy’s voice to the other side of the room. Everyone stares at some sort of weapon mounted on the wall.  _

 

Stan: What the hell is this?

 

Craig: It’s a gun dumb *Bleep*.

 

Stan: I can see that *Bleep*.

 

Heidi: Is it on?

 

Kenny: It looks like it, the light is green.

 

Tweek: OHJESUSAREWEGONNADIE?!

 

Cartman: Yeah Tweek, and we’re gonna use your body as a protective shield.

 

Tweek: OHJESUSNO!!!

 

Craig: Shh Tweekers calm down.

 

_ Craig scratches the back of Tweek’s ear like a dog, and Tweek pretends to calm down. _

 

Nichole: That was hot.

 

Stan: You guys are *Bleep* weird.

 

Wendy: Can someone actually go up there and investigate?

 

Cartman: Well, I nominate Kahl. If he dies then his death wouldn’t mean that much.

 

Kyle: Do I look tall enough to reach it!? Someone that’s like six feet tall can only reach it.

 

_ Everyone turns to Stan and Craig, and both of them roll their eyes. _

 

Red: Well, you guys are genetically gifted. 

 

Craig: *Bleep* you. 

 

_ Stan and Craig walk up to the gun on their tippy toes.  _

 

Craig: See anything on that side?

 

Stan: There’s a button. I’m pushing it!

 

Bebe: Ok wait, let’s get out of the way from the gun first. 

 

_ Everyone else moves out of the vicinity of the gun, and Stan pushes the giant button on the side of the gun. An eyrie noise pulses throughout the room.  _

 

Butters: W-what’s happening?

 

Red: Well, I guess we’re all gonna die. It’s been fun everyone.

 

Bebe: I kinda wanted to die somewhere warmer. 

 

Craig: I wish it wasn’t near any of you *Bleep*. Except for you Tweekers~.

 

Tweek: Uh, yeah.

 

Stan: Wait, guys, shut the *Bleep* up, nothing’s happening.

 

Red: Well, I guess we all get to live another day then.

 

Nichole: Oh my gosh, shut the *Bleep* with the creepy *Bleep*.

 

Craig: Did you *Bleep* up?

 

Stan: No, I didn’t do *Bleep*!

 

Cartman: Ok, step aside, I’ll take a look.

 

Kyle: Cartman, no, you’ll *Bleep* break it.

 

Cartman: Ok fine then! You take a look at it!

 

Kyle: Fine!

 

_ Kyle takes a step forward, but the gun immediately moves in the direction of Kyle and shoots a jet of water towards him.  _

 

Bebe: Oh my gosh- oh wait, it’s just water.

 

_ The water sprays Kyle on his crotch and butt. _

 

Kyle: WHY THERE?!

 

Bebe: Kyle, I guess you’ll just have to take off your jeans and show all of us that hot piece of *Bleep*!

 

Wendy: How the hell did the water even hit your *Bleep*? You weren’t even facing that direction.

 

Heidi: At least we know what that does. 

 

Kenny: Wait you guys, how come we didn’t notice that same gun mounted across the whole entire house!?

 

_ And it’s true, that same gun is mounted all over the house.  _

 

Nichole: The guys are supposed to have a massive wet orgy and the girls have to watch.

 

Red: I am so down for that.

 

Token: I am so NOT down for that! What the hell is up with you and orgys anyways?

 

Nichole: There’s a lot you don’t know about me Token. I live the life of the fangirl.

 

Craig: Ok, creepy thoughts aside-

 

Stan: You shouldn’t be speaking then.

 

Jimmy: Cre-creepy thoughts aside, are w-w-we gonna ign-ignore the fact that the only unlo-unlo-unlocked door in the house is the front door?

 

Clyde: Wait Jimmy, were you gone this whole time?

 

Jimmy: I’m a *Bleep* ninja.

 

Clyde: Can I be a ninja?

 

Jimmy: *Bleep* off. 

 

Stan: So wait, are we just supposed to avoid getting wet while trying to get out of the house?

 

Loudspeakers: That’s correct! But that’s not all. I’ll give you guys the whole challenge to speed things up a bit. You’ll start in the very back of the house, meaning the top floor in the gym. There are water blasters mounted across the walls. Your objective is to try to avoid getting wet while trying to escape the house. But here’s the catch! You must carry- 

 

_ A whole opens from the house, and fifteen different colored bricks appear before the contestants. _

 

Loudspeakers: - One brick per contestant! You will carry this brick to the backyard and into a trashcan with your picture on it.

 

Wendy: Is this your way of saying that we’re all just piles of trash?

 

Loudspeakers: Yes! The other catch however, is that you can manipulate the water blaster’s motion sensors to hit the other contestants! Know that if you get wet, you must walk all the way back to the top floor of the house at the starting line and wait five minutes before starting again! The other catch is that you can dismount the water blasters so that you may use them to shoot the other contestants! Rankings will be determined by order in which you place your bricks in your trashcan.

 

Clyde: Oh wait, so this is just one big water fight then.

 

Loudspeakers: With bricks! Also, regarding the challenge winner for the first part,

 

Stan: It’s me!

 

Loudspeakers: Correct! Stan wins the challenge! 

 

Stan: Hah! Suck it-

 

Loudspeakers: But since I’m generous, everyone wins a prize for their efforts this time! Please enjoy your free ticket to Disneyland!

 

Clyde: AAH I’M GOING TO DISNEYLAND!!! DREAMS DO COME TRUE!!!

 

Red: Wait, who’s paying for the plane ticket and hotel room?

 

Loudspeakers: Not us!

 

Red: *Bleep* you guys.

 

Loudspeakers: Everyone! Please head on over to the third floor!


	8. Real Life chapter #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group discusses the reality show in Token's basement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! UmbrielBrechen here with the next chapter of INHTMFIHTMCM! So in the comments I’ve noticed two particular posts, and I have come up with the illogical conclusion that half of the readers support Tweek and Kyle destroying Craig and Stan and the other half thinks that Tweek and Kyle are insane and Craig and Stan should kick their asses. Personally, I think this is awesome, and in this chapter y’all will find out why, plus more!
> 
> Oh yes, and by the way, the real-life chapters for now are BEFORE the reality show! I didn’t really make myself clear, so I apologize!

The group sits in the Freedom Pal’s base, waiting for Tupperware and Mosquito. Coon taps his foot against the floor in impatience. Call Girl shows the new girls around the base, showing them all the childhood memories that came along with it. 

 

Super Craig pets Stripe and Wonder Tweek simultaneously in obvious bliss over the his state of massive comfort and relaxation.

“I feel like I have competition with a guinea pig.” Wonder Tweek says, scrolling coonstagram. 

“Don’t worry Wonder Tweekers, you’ll always be my favorite human. Don’t tell Mosquito that, he’ll get upset.”

“WHERE THE FUCK IS MOSQUITO AND TUPPERWARE?!” 

“That’s Token and Clyde, right?” Nichole asks. 

“Excuse me Nichole, we only address others by their superhero names.” Coon says with massive sass in his voice.

“Sorry Coon!”

“Girls, pay attention!” Call Girls says. “We need to decide your superhero name!”

“Are we really doing this?” Red asks, “All we’re here for is to discuss whether or not MTV’s being legit or not.”

“Excuse me regular citizen,” Coon says from the back of the room, “but we all take being a hero to the average civilian very seriously.” 

“Agh! Damnit!” Human Kite says from upstairs, “Toolshed! My kite broke!”

“I told you to go buy a new one! I’ll just tell Tupperware to buy a new kite at the store.”

“Tell them to buy snacks while they’re their!” Coon screams. “Where is Mysterion and Chaos?! Why is everyone fucking late!?”

“Sweety, calm down.” Call Girl says walking over to comfort her boyfriend, “Do you need anything while you wait? Do you want me to cook you something?” 

“Hey!” Toolshed yells from upstairs, “How come you never offered to cook me anything when we dated?!”

“Toolshed, calm down, why don’t you ask Human Kite to cook you something?”

“Hah, Toolshed can cook for himself!” 

“Yes Call Girl, I would really appreciate if you cooked me pasta.” Bebe and Heidi are immediately attracted to a rubix cube sitting on a table protected by glass. 

“Of course sweetie. Girls feel free to look around.” Heidi pokes the cube, but Coon immediately notices and slams his fist against the table.

“Holy shit Cart-”

“COON!”

“Holy shit  _ Coon! _ ”

“Do you not see the label?!”

“It’s just a Rubix cube!”

“Heidi!” Bebe yells, “It’s not worth it!”

“Ugh, fine.” 

 

After thirty minutes, everyone arrives at the Freedom Pals lair. Tupperware and Mosquito lays out the snacks across the giant table for everyone to share. Coon takes a look at the snacks in disgust, and glares at Mosquito.

“What the fuck is this shit!?”

“Barbeque potato chips.” Mosquito says.

“Who the fuck likes barbeque!?” Everyone at the table raises their hands in unison, which prompts Coon to shut up. Mysterion clears his throat and puts his can of Pepsi down. 

“So, did everyone else get the email? It should’ve been the email confirmation email from MTV saying that you agree to their policies and shit.”

“No,” Super Craig says, “I didn’t get a confirmation email because I didn’t even sign up.” Heidi nods at this too. Call Girl pulls out one of her many phones and forwards it to Craig and Heidi. 

“Ok, everyone pull out the email, we need to analyze this carefully. If Human Kite is right about his speculations-”

“Which he isn’t because he’s a filthy Jew.”

“Damn it Coon I’m gonna laser burn your balls off!” 

“I’d like to see you try Kite!”

“Coon calm down and eat your pasta.”

“Kite chill out.” 

“Ok can we all focus now and figure out if this thing’s legit?” Tupperware asks with a massive eye roll. Call Girl nods and gets off her seat. She walks over to a projector and rolls it towards the end of the table, where she hooks up her phone. The projector projects the email against a tarp.

“Ok, so let’s finally review the email.”

 

_ Dear Wendy Testaburger, _

 

_ We at MTV, Music Television, would like to congratulate you on your acceptance into the Cliche House! You are one of fifteen contestants that have been accepted into the house! _

 

Mysterion swallows the last bit of his chocolate bar and slurps up some water, “Well, at least there isn’t a stereotypical mysterious sixteenth contestant.”

“Ugh,” Red sighs, “that would be so Cliche.”

 

_ We will reveal who those other fifteen are at the list that we have posted at your school. Additional information will be given to you at the Cliche House once you and your other house guests arrive.  _

 

“And that’s the last bit of the email I was given.” Wendy says.

“What?!” Human Kite groans, “That’s it? This is bullshit, how are we supposed to find out what the hell is going on then?”

“M-m-maybe our other emails have other information st-st-stringed onto them.” Fastpass says. 

“No,’ Bebe sighs, “my email says the exact same thing, they even got my name wrong and put Wendy!” 

“Well this is really fishy.” Chaos says, taking a slice of pizza from a box, “Maybe we shouldn’t go with this reality show anymore.

“What?” Coon groans, “Butters, you are not being a pussy and flaking out now!”

“Ok, ok, hold on,” Heidi says, “it looks like I finally got an email.”

“Just now?” Nichole asks.

“Yeah, look, it literally says sent five seconds ago.” Nichole grabs Heidi’s phone from her hands and scrolls through the email. 

“Oh shit, it does. And it doesn’t look like MTX sent you any other email before.”

“What does it say?” Clyde asks, stuffing his face with candy before Token knocks it out of his hands. Nichole clears her throat and reads aloud the email,

 

_ Dear Ms. Heidi Turner, _

 

_ Thank you for submitting your application for Cliche! We have reviewed your application thoroughly and decided to make you the lucky fifteenth house guest! As stated on the contract you have signed last week on Wednesday, you must now create the script for the reality show along with the other house guests and send it along with your individual roles within the reality show. Thank you for participation! _

 

_ MTV. _

 

“Mine says the same thing, except I’m the fourteenth house guest.” Super Craig says, handing his phone to Nichole. 

“What!?” Call Girl yells, “We have to make the script!? That wasn’t on my contract!”

“That wasn’t on my contract too!” Bebe yells, “Kyle’s right, this whole thing is bullshit!”

“Ok, ok, everyone calm down!” Coon yells, banging his fist against the table, “This is all going to be ok, making the script is going to be easy. Toolshed, Human Kite, Mysterion and I made a book before  _ someone  _ CHAOS took all the credit.” Coon glares at Chaos, who looks down in embarrassment. Bebe nods in agreement.

“Coon’s right you guys, this is reality television, we all just have to be the most worst, ratchet versions of ourselves.” 

“Oh in that case Kyle can just be himself then.”

“Damn it Coon!”

“Ok you guys, guys, guys,” Mosquito says, standing up confidently, “I watch a shit ton of reality television, I totally got this.”

“Uhh,” Tupperware says, “didn’t we both agree that you stop watching this shit?”

“Shh. Ok so Bebe’s right, we have to be the worst versions of ourselves. For instance, Super Craig’s worst version of himself would be some creepy stalker.”

“Oh, l-l-like when he realized th-that he really did like Wonder Tweek after th-th-th-they broke up in Midd- like when he realized that he really did like Wonder Tweek after they broke up in Middle School?”

“Aww Super Craig!” 

“Damn it guys,” Super Craig yells with a heated face, “I thought we all agreed to never speak about that again!”

“Oh!” Wendy says with an idea in her head, “And Toolshed’s worst version of himself would be an alcoholic!”

“Hey! I am sober now! I have no intentions on going back to that bullshit!”

“But Toolshed,” Coon says, “you have to do it for reality television.” 

“Dude,” Kite says, putting his hand on Toolshed’s shoulder, “you don’t have to drink for reality television if you don’t want to.”

“I know, but it’s ok, it isn’t like I would go back to being an alcoholic.” 

“Oh my gosh!” Nichole yells, “I have a great idea!!!”

“What is it?” Token asks.

“So what does the majority of women think is  _ extremely  _ hot?” 

“Potato chips?” Red says, popping ten chips stacked on top of each other in her mouth.

“Well besides food. I’m talking about,”

“Nichole you thirsty hoe.” Bebe snickers.

“YAOI!!!” 

“NO!!!” Tweek yells, thrashing in his seat, “NO, NO, NO! NO MORE YAOI!!!” 

“Tweekers, it’s ok, just calm down, there isn’t going to be yaoi in the show.”

“Ok, no yaoi drawings obviously, because we have SO much yaoi here already!” Nichole says, pointing to many of the guys. 

“It’s true,” Token says, “the majority of the guys here are together with each other. What exactly are you getting at?”

“Since the majority of our audience are thirsty fangirls like me, we have to center a lot of the drama on you guys!”

“Oh I get it!” Kenny says, “All the guys aren’t going to be together on the show until the middle of it, the show would document our growing love for eachother!”

“Yeah! But we have to make it as dysfunctional, unhealthy, and crazy as possible! And a lot of physical contact!”

“I don’t think this is going to look good for the LGBT community.” Kyle points out, “A lot of assholes out there all think we’re all child molesters out there to begin with!”

“Ok, but why would politicians care about some reality show?” Bebe points out, “They’re all too busy killing themselves over stupid shit to begin with.” Kyle sighs at Bebe’s point, and leans back against his chair. 

“Fine…”

“Oh wait,” Craig says, “Crazy, dysfunctional, unhealthy.” Craig moves his body to face Tweek, and slowly caresses his hand against Tweek’s cheek. Very, very, slowly. With LOTS of heavy breathing. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Tweek asks.

“Being crazy, dysfunctional, and unhealthy. What our trope could be is me constantly trying to fuck you and you calling for help all the time.”

“Wow, that’s actually a great idea. And all I have to do is overreact! I wouldn’t be uncomfortable because you do this a lot!” 

“Ok great, great you guys, this is a great start.” Cartman says, “Token, Clyde, what’s your trope?”

“Token doesn’t have a trope!” Bebe says, “He’s too nice of a person. Unless…”

“Girl!” Nichole gasps, “I know what you’re thinking!” 

“Oh fuck.” Token sighs. All five of the girls look at each other in excitement, and screams, “YANDERE!!!” 

“What the fuck?” Jimmy says. Token sighs and leans back against his seat for whatever the answer is to his question,

“What the hell is a yandere?” Nichole clears her throat, and crosses her hands, 

“A yandere is a crazy, psychotic, homicidal, obsessive, stalker who has their sights set on one person and one person only. A yandere will go all out against anyone that tries to get in their way of their one true love. But this is on the inside, on the outside, they're the nicest, most normal person ever.”

“I’m offended right now. But I guess I can do it.”

“Oh my gosh, I have an idea!” Bebe yells, “What my character to be in this show is that one bitch that manipulates Clyde-”

“You already do that.” Clyde says.

“Like I was saying, is that I could manipulate Clyde into doing shit for me and act like I care about him and shit, and then Token can go all yandere on me and try to kill me!”

“Ok, this is sounding less and less like reality television.” Kenny sighs, “This is sounding like some weird fanfiction.” 

“No!” Nichole yells, “This is what the viewers want! Stan, Kyle, what’s your trope?”

“Uhh,” Stan thinks, “Wendy and I could still be in a relationship, she breaks up with me over my alcoholism, I try my best into getting into Kyle’s pants and somehow succeed?” 

“Oh good, good, more dysfunctionality, great job Stan.” Cartman says. 

“Uhh,” Butters speaks up, “Can Ken and I be the functional gay couple?”

“Boooring.” Red sighs, “But sure, at least one of the gay couples has to be functional. OH MY GOSH! Everyone, I have a brilliant idea!”

“I’m sure all of us wants to hear it.” Craig says. 

“Every reality show loves rivalries. All of us has to have some group of people that we work together with to bring down one person, then turn on each other, bring each other down, and start the whole process all over again.” 

“Oh wait!” Tweek says, “Kyle and I could be a team for a while to try to take down Stan and Craig!”

“Why would you want to bring us down?” Craig frowns.

“Reality Television.”

“Oh gotcha. And since Marsh is an asshole-”

“Fuck you Craig.”

“Fuck you too, we could be one of the reasons why there’s fights in the house so often.” 

“Alright, sounds good. I could always use another reason to fight you.”

“OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS, IT’S A BATTLE OF THE TOPS.” Nichole says. 

“Uh, no.” Kyle says, “Stan and I are pretty vers.”

“Hah! I told you guys!” Wendy says. 

“Ok,” Bebe says, “but Craig is definitely the dominant one.”

“Uhh…” Craig says in his monotone voice.

“What!?” Everyone yells in surprise,

“N-n-no way!” Jimmy says, “Craig’s a bottom?”

“No,” Craig says, “Tweek hates topping.”

“It’s true, I don’t get pleasure from it.”

“Yeah, he’s a power bottom.”

“What the hell is a power bottom?” 

“Urban dictionary it.” Tweek says.

“Oh my gosh, you sassy bitch.” Bebe snickers to herself. 

“Welp, it’s almost 8PM.” Cartman says. “We should pick this up tomorrow.”

“Agreed. I need my beauty sleep.” Heidi says. 


	9. The REAL chapter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets real!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! UmbrielBrechen here to give you guys the next chapter. So first off, I would like to apologize for the late entry, I am trying to balance work and school and friends and sleeping and eating and the rest of the necessities of life. I know, excuses and shit. Second, I would like to thank EVERYONE that commented and the 127 people that gave a shit to read my shit and give a shit. TBH, I didn't expect anyone to read this shit. It's also six in the morning because I had a dream Randy dressed up as Lorde told me to write. Crazy shit huh? And also, who do YOU think is on the loudspeaker? Because it sure as hell isn't me or any of y'all!

_ Previously on Cliche…  _

 

_ Tweek and Kyle reveal the details of their plan to each other, desperately determined to bring down dynamic competitors Stan and Craig to the bottom of the competition…  _

 

**_Kyle Confession_ **

**_Kyle: So last time, Tweek and I discussed the plan to take down Stan and Craig. We’ve both come to the conclusion that both of them are pretty strong competitors in the competition, and now that Wendy isn’t with Stan anymore, he’s even more dangerous because he’s more focused on the competition. BUT, if there’s anything that can stop Craig, it’s Tweek. All Tweek’s gotta do is get Craig to be distracted in all of the challenges so he scores lower and Tweek and I can potentially score higher. As for dealing with Stan… I’ll hit him when he’s drunk._ **

_ The girls of the household held their daily girl talk. Bebe speaks about the contents of Token’s journal with the rest of the girls, but things don’t go as planned…  _

 

**_Bebe brings the book closer to her face to read the book better. Everyone else waits in silence as Bebe reads Token’s journal._ **

**_Bebe: Holy *Bleep*. This is just a journal about-_ **

**_Clyde: GIRLS!_ **

**_As Clyde spontaneously yells outside, Bebe accidentally lets go of the journal and into the water out of surprise._ **

**_Bebe: *BLEEP* *BLEEP*!!! GOD *BLEEP* *BLEEP* IT! CLYDE YOU DUMB *BLEEP*!!!_ **

**_Clyde: W-w-what did I do?!_ **

**_Bebe: YOU-_ **

**_Wendy:_ ** **_You disturbed our girl talk!_ **

_ The first part of the challenge began in a hot second. The contestants were forced to figure out what the challenge was for that week with little clues to go off of. There was also one casualty… Kyle’s pants! _

 

… 

 

… 

 

… 

  
  


_ Welcome back to Cliche! The contestants are currently sitting at the dinner table for a quick snack as the producers get the challenge ready.  _

 

**Bebe Confession**

**Bebe: So last time Kyle’s hot *Bleep* somehow managed to knock over all the guns and break them, so the producers have to come up with another challenge on the spot. Meanwhile in the kitchen, Stan and I prepared peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for everyone to pig out on.**

 

Clyde: These are really good Bebe.

 

Bebe: Aw, thanks for the compliment Clyde~! 

 

Stan: Hey, I made them too!

 

Clyde: You're welcome Bebe!

 

Bebe: *Plays with hair* No problem! 

 

Stan: *Bleep* you Clyde. 

 

Butters: There’s hair in my sandwich! 

 

Cartman: Shut the *Bleep* Butters, no one gives two *Bleeps* about your issues. 

 

**Kenny Confession**

**Kenny: Heh, it’s time to bring out that “personality” I supposedly don’t have. *Bleep* you** **_Cliche._ **

 

Kenny: You know what Cartman? I think I speak for everyone when I say this, but I’m getting really *Bleep* tired of your *Bleep*.

 

Heidi: Oh my *Bleep* gosh, here go… 

 

Cartman: Well Kinney, normally I would fight back because it isn’t nice to instigate fights like this, but because you’re poor and I pity you, especially since you’re dating a wuss like Butters, I won’t, because I believe that I am a genuinely nice person. 

 

Kenny: *Bleep* you *bleep* wipe.

 

Cartman: You know what Kinney? I would be more concerned about the competition rather than Butters’s well being, because it seems to me that you’re here to make friends and not win the competition. 

 

Kenny: I’m not *Bleep* here to make any god *Bleep* friends because we’re all friends already to begin with!

 

Cartman: Oh!? You wanna *Bleep* go poor boy!? 

 

Nichole: I like how the rest of us are just eating our sandwiches in silence. 

 

Wendy: It’s only been two weeks and I’m already used to this *Bleep*. Someone pass the *Bleep* jelly.

 

Craig: Fat *Bleep* ate all the jelly.

 

Clyde: What!? I didn’t get to eat any!

 

Wendy: Damn it Cartman why did you eat all the *Bleep* jelly!? 

 

Cartman: *Bleep* off *Bleep*!!!

 

Kenny: Hey *Bleep* pay attention to me when I’m *Bleep* talking to you!

 

Wendy: I will not get my own *Bleep* jelly because you *Bleep* ate all the god *Bleep* jelly! 

 

Cartman: You know what you guys? I feel like I’m being personally attacked right now, and I’ve done nothing but be the nicest person to each and every one of you, and I personally think that I’m being attacked right now because out of everyone here, I’ve had the most consistent performance in this competition. 

 

Kyle: Oh shut the *Bleep* up Cartman, getting third to last place twice in a row doesn’t make you consistent!

 

Cartman: Well Kahl, I wouldn’t expect you to understand because you’re a Jew, but God don’t like ugly, ok? God does not like ugly, and you have an ugly personality, you are physically ugly, and I can only pray for you at the end of the day. I can only pray for all of you.

 

Wendy: I still don’t have my jelly.

 

Jimmy: W-w-well, I still don’t have my left shoe, b-b-b-but you don’t see me complaining. 

 

_ A producer walks on set with a clipboard.  _

 

Producer: Hey guys, the next challenge is ready for you.

 

Cartman: Oh *Bleep* off.

 

Producers: Kay byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

 

_ *Montage of the sun setting and cars driving by in the city* _

 

**Heidi confession**

**Heidi: So it’s about two weeks into the competition now, and everyone’s starting to find their rhythm in it. And to be honest? I think I might want to start actually competing in it. I think it’s time I teach Cartman a lesson on having *Bleep* communication skills. Well I mean, arguably I should be teaching EVERYONE here communication skills, but Cartman especially.**

 

**Tweek confession**

**Tweek: Gah! If there’s anyone in the house that I HATE more than Craig, it’s Cartman. He *Bleep* drank all my coffee this morning! He leaves his pubic hair in the shower and blames it on Clyde! Gah! I can’t take it anymore! But I have to commit to my alliance with Kyle!**

 

**Stan confession**

**Stan: Honestly *Bleep* Cartman. I’m kind of questioning why he’s here to begin with, but it isn’t like he’s competition to begin with.**

***Knock knock knock***

 

**Cartman: I know you’re talking *Bleep* about me Stan!**

 

**Stan: So what!? Everyone else before me did too!**

 

**Cartman: You guys are just *Bleep* haters. I do what I want!**

 

**Cartman confession**

**Cartman: So I’m getting the vibe here that everyone doesn’t like me. They can all suck my *Bleep* balls. I know that I’m a strong competitor in this competition, and making friends is not my priority. Unlike Wendy *Bleep* Testaburger. And America, if you need reassurance from me, I am NOT here to make friends, I am here to *Bleep* dominate this competition.**

 

_ The contestants gather at the dining table after cleaning up after themselves.  _

 

Red: Before this challenge begins, can we all solve the mystery of who the *Bleep* is hogging all the bathrooms and making them smell like *Bleep*?

 

_ No one replies.  _

 

Red: Fine, I guess I’ll just have to torture the information out of some of you guys. 

 

Bebe: Just make sure to clean up after yourself.

 

Loudspeakers: Hello contestants! Welcome to your alternative challenge for this week-

 

Craig: Can we just skip the *Bleep* and go straight to whatever the *Bleep* you *Bleep* have planned for us? 

 

Loudspeakers: Please step back away from the dining table. 

 

_ The contestants move towards the walls slowly as the dining table is lowered into the ground, with a staircase forming in it’s place. _

 

Stan: Do we go down?

 

Craig: No, we go up.

 

Stan: *Bleep* you.

 

_ The contestants walk down the staircase with great anticipation. _

 

Red: Ok, I am convinced that this place smells exactly like the bathrooms. 

 

Cartman: No one wants to hear about your issues.

 

Red: *Close up on her bitch face*. 

 

_ The contestants arrive at a large room with dim light and fifteen seats surrounding a large circle.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Please find your name and sit down. 

 

Wendy: These chairs better be comfortable. 

 

_ From clockwise starting at 12 o’clock, the contestants sit in this order: Stan, Nichole, Cartman, Kenny, Jimmy, Craig, Kyle, Heidi, Wendy, Butters, Red, Tweek, Token, Bebe, and Clyde.  _

 

Cartman: I’m kicking all your *Bleep*.

 

Wendy: I REFUSE to lose this challenge! 

 

Craig: Tweekers~.

 

Tweek: Ahh… Hey Craig… *Forces self to blush*. 

 

Stan: *Bleep* you Kyle!

 

Kyle: *Eye roll*. 

 

Jimmy: How did my left shoe get here? 

 

Nichole: Does this thing come with a cup holder?

 

Bebe: I told you to leave your drink in the kitchen!

 

Loudspeaker: Hello  _ Cliche  _ house guests! Welcome to your official third challenge! You know the prizes, first place gets a gift card to a store personalized to them along with an automatic first place at the elimination ceremony-

 

Wendy: Which no one even gets eliminated in.

 

Loudspeakers: And everyone else’s places are determined by their popularity score-

 

Wendy: Which no one knows how it’s even calculated.

 

Loudspeakers: So today, your challenge is all about putting trust in others and trust in yourself. In this challenge, I won’t be asking you questions, but you’ll be doing the questioning on your house guests! These questions can range from intellectual questions to personal questions, and we know the answer to all of them. Should the person being asked the question gets it wrong, they move closer to the circle. If they get it right, they move away from the center OR the asker moves closer to the center. Three strikes and you’re out! However, this is where you put trust in others. Other people can answer the question in place of the person being asked, and if they get it right, the asker moves forward towards the center. BUT, if they get it wrong, they AND the person originally asked moves closer to the circle. Also, you can choose to move away from the center or have them move closer to the center.  After three strikes, your chair will move itself to the very center, where you will fall down to the abyss of this house, and be eliminated from this challenge. I will choose who gets to ask their questions and when.

 

Butters: This is confusing. 

 

Tweek: Agh! An ABYSS?! WHY IS THERE AN ABYSS IN THIS HOUSE!? IS IT GONNA OPEN UP AND-

 

Craig: Shh…

 

_ Craig slowly caresses his hand over Tweek’s cheek, very, very, very, slowly with lots of heavy breathing.  _

 

Craig: You’re cheeks are so warm… 

 

Nichole: That’s hot. 

 

Cartman: Can we quit with the gay stuff and do the *Bleep* challenge now? 

 

Loudspeakers: Ok… Bebe! Start us off!

 

Bebe: Alright… Clyde!

 

Clyde: *Bleep*.

 

Bebe: What is a saturated solution? 

 

Clyde: Uhh… 

 

Craig: I’ll answer it for Clyde. It’s  a solution containing the maximum amount of solute for a given amount of solvent at a constant temperature. It’s also a pressure and an equilibrium exists between undissolved solute and ions in solution.

 

Bebe: God *Bleep* dammit, I forgot that they’re friends.

 

Loudspeaker: Ooh! Bebe, you have one strike. Clyde, you get to stay where you are thanks to Craig. Hold on tight Bebe!

 

Bebe: Oh *Bleep*!

 

_ Bebe straps her seatbelt on and grips the handles tightly as her chair greatly accelerates forward inward in the circle, where it breaks abruptly.  _

 

Clyde: Thanks dude.

 

Craig: No problem bro.

 

Bebe: *Bleep* I thought I was gonna die! Is my hair still great?

 

Wendy: Still on fleek girl. 

 

Bebe: Thanks girl.

 

Loudspeakers: Cartman!

 

Cartman: Wendy *Bleep* Testaburger! 

 

Wendy: What fat *Bleep*?

 

Cartman: Is it true that you had something to do with the bathrooms *Bleep*? 

 

Red: Ok so NOW this is brought up? 

 

Wendy: What? Of course I don’t have something to do with the bathrooms smelling like *Bleep*.

 

Loudspeakers: Sorry Wendy! That’s false!

 

Cartman: Hah!

 

Wendy: WHAT!?

 

Red: I *BLEEP* KNEW IT WAS ONE OF YOU GIRLS!

 

Wendy: NO! IT WASN’T ME! I DIDN’T PUT THE LAXATIVES IN EVERYONE’S FOOD!

 

Loudspeakers: That is ALSO true! Wendy did NOT put the laxatives in the food, but she did *Bleep* in the bathroom, thus contributing to the smell.

 

Wendy: Oh thank god!

 

Loudspeakers: You still have one strike though.

 

Cartman: Nye-he-he-he-he-he! 

 

_ Wendy’s seat accelerates to the middle part of the circle and then stops abruptly near Bebe.  _

 

Loudspeakers: So that’s one strike for Wendy and Bebe. Token!

 

Token: I have a question for… Bebe!

 

Bebe: *Bleep* do it!

 

Token: Of the main cast of  _ The Walking Dead,  _ which female character has the highest kill count so far?

 

Bebe: *Bleep* I don’t watch that show!

 

Red: I do! It’s Michonne right?

 

Loudspeakers: Nope! It’s Carol!

 

Bebe: *BLEEP* RED!

 

Red: I’m sorry!

 

_ Bebe’s and Red’s chairs moves closer to the center, with Bebe’s seat just being a couple of inches away from the opening.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Tweek!

 

Tweek: Gah! Uhh… Stan! What’s the strongest blend that I sell at Tweak Bros?

 

Stan: The Aromatic Arabic without cream or sugar. 

 

Tweek: *Bleep* how did you know that?!

 

Stan: Wendy always got that blend whenever she needed something strong. 

 

_ Tweek’s chair moves closer to the center with one strike.  _

 

Tweek: I’m gonna *Bleep* throw up… 

 

Loudspeaker: Jimmy! 

 

Jimmy: Heidi, out of everyone in this hou-hou-house, who has said the phr-phrase, “I’m not here to m-m-make friends, I’m h-h-here to win”?

 

Heidi: That’s a trick question, people have said the beginning part of the phrase but not the second part. 

 

Loudspeakers: That’s correct! So recap, Red, Tweek, Jimmy, and Wendy has one strike, and Bebe has two. Hold on tight Jimmy!

 

Jimmy: *Bleep*.

 

_ Jimmy’s seat swiftly accelerates to the space in between the center and the outer edge.  _

 

Loudspeaker: Kyle, you’re up! 

 

**Kyle confession**

**Kyle: So at this point I realized that I shouldn’t be aiming for Stan first, especially since there are other people here that would protect him. So instead I aimed at someone who’s kind of pissing me off.**

 

Kyle: Nichole! 

 

Nichole: Yeah? 

 

Kyle: At Clyde’s party a couple of months ago, who was the first person that threw up due to drinking too much?

 

Nichole: Stan because he’s an alcoholic!

 

Stan: I’M NOT AN-

 

Loudspeakers: That is incorrect! The first person that threw up was Kevin!

 

Nichole: *Bleep* That shouldn’t count because he isn’t even in this competition! 

 

_ Nichole seat lunges close to Jimmy’s seat and stops abruptly.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Clyde!

 

Clyde: Red! Is it true that you and Kevin broke up because his acne?

 

Craig: Damn, that’s low. 

 

Red: What!? I am NOT shallow! Of course I didn’t break up with him because of his acne!

 

Loudspeakers: That’s correct! They broke up because of bad communication skills!

 

Heidi: I told you to talk about your feelings with him!

 

Red: Ok well, my feelings can go *Bleep* themselves. I have no feelings!

 

_ Clydes seat moves inward and stops abruptly.  _

 

Clyde: I think my spine broke… 

 

Loudspeakers: Nichole! 

 

Nichole: Token, is it true that you broke up with me last year because you developed feelings for someone else that was more genuine and more passionate than the feelings you had for me?

 

Bebe: Girl, stop it with the *Bleep* passion.

 

Token: What? No, that wasn’t it.

 

Cartman: We better not go in depth with everyone’s *Bleep* relationship crap.

 

Loudspeakers: That is actually very incorrect. 

 

Nichole: What!? I want to be aware of this mystery lover you have Token!

 

Clyde: I’m your best friend and you didn’t tell me anything about this girl!

 

Token: Uh… 

 

_ Token’s seat moves accelerates the middle of the circle and stops abruptly.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Craig!

 

Craig: Butters, on average, what time does Tweek fall asleep on a daily basis?

 

Tweek: Ahh! *Bleep* I pulled out my hair!

 

Butters: 3:30 AM?

 

Loudspeakers: That’s false! Tweek’s sleeping rhythms are inconclusive because there are days where he does NOT sleep! 

 

Tweek: Gah! Everyone’s out to get me! 

 

_ Butters’s seat accelerates forward and stops abruptly.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Butters ask away! 

 

Butters: Kenny!

 

Kenny: W-what?

 

_ Kenny says with a defeated, upset look on his face. _

 

Butters: Is it true that you’re in love with me?

 

Red: This is why the show is called  _ Cliche. _

 

Kenny: Buttercup, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. 

 

Loudspeakers: That’s correct! Butters, Strike two for you! 

 

Butters: Awe, maybe I should've thought that one through. 

 

Loudspeakers: Wendy!

 

Wendy: Butters!

 

Butters: Awe hamburgers… 

 

Wendy: According to American history textbooks, Christopher Columbus supposedly founded America, but what act did he commit against the Native Americans that ultimately led to the deaths of millions of Natives in both North and South America?

 

Butters: Genocide through illness and the spread of smallpox, and the massacre of millions of Native Americans!

 

Wendy: *Bleep*!

 

Loudspeakers: Strike two for Wendy! 

 

**Wendy confessional**

**Wendy: *BLEEP*! I refuse to lose!!!**

 

Loudspeakers: Stan!

 

Stan: Wendy!

 

Wendy: *Bleep* ask me!

 

Stan: Out of everyone in the house, who eats the most?

 

Wendy: Clyde!

 

Loudspeakers: That’s correct!

 

Stan: Wait hold up, I thought it was Cartman!

 

Loudspeakers: Clyde eats the most in terms of how long he eats!

 

Stan: *Bleep*!!!

 

Loudspeakers: Kenny!

 

Kenny: Stoner.

 

Craig: What the *Bleep* is it?

 

Kenny: Name three people in this house that has not taken any sort of drug, is still a virgin, and has not committed any sort of crime!

 

Craig: *Bleep*. Uhh… Well you’re a *Bleep* whore, Bebe’s definitely had sex, Token’s a good person, Broflovski’s a pussy, Nichole definitely had sex, Marsh is an alcoholic-

 

Stan: *Bleep* you.

 

Craig: Tweekers~ drinks coffee everyday, Cartman should definitely be in jail, Red’s sketchy as *Bleep*, Jimmy is not a virgin, Butters definitely had sex with McWHOREmic, Heidi has definitely smoked a joint, and Wendy definitely had sex with Marsh. So Token and Broflovski are the only two people here that are good, there aren’t three people so you asked a trick *Bleep* question. 

 

Kenny: HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ALL THAT?!

 

Loudspeakers: That’s one strike for Kenny!

 

Kenny: *Bleep*!!!

 

Loudspeakers: Red!

 

Red: Hmm… Token! 

 

Token: What?

 

Red: How do you properly set up silverware for a fancy dinner party?

 

Token:... You do realize I’m *Bleep* rich?

 

Red: God *Bleep* *Bleep* I forgot!!!

 

Token: You probably don’t even know how to set up silverware!

 

Red: Ok well everyone *Bleep* took all the *Bleep* questions I wanted to ask! 

 

Loudspeakers: Let’s just say that you have two strikes.

 

Red: *BLEEP*!!!

 

Loudspeakers: Heidi!

 

Heidi: Cartman! Is it true that you brush me off all the time because you’re trying to mask your own insecurities?

 

Cartman: What? No, I don’t have any insecurities!

 

Loudspeakers: That’s false!

 

Cartman: Well *Bleep* you guys!

 

_ Cartman’s seat accelerates in the circle.  _

 

Cartman: *Bleep*!

 

Loudspeakers: Looks like everyone has went already! To recap, Wendy, Butters, Red, and Bebe have two strikes, while everyone else but Craig, Heidi, and Kyle has one strike. This is still anyone’s game! Remember that you can save others by answering a question for them! Ok, round two starts now! We’ll start with Red! And remember that you can move back one strike if you so desire if you manage to answer a question right!

 

Red: Ok… Cousin!

 

Craig: What?

 

Craig: What’s the difference between Eustress and Distress?

 

Craig:... *Bleep* I don’t know! I don’t care about the social sciences! 

 

Red: I swear to God if any of you answer this question for him… 

 

Craig: Token I know that you know this!

 

Token: Uhh… I’ve never taken a psychology class in my life. 

 

Craig: *Bleep* fine I’ll take the strike. 

 

Loudspeakers: Hold on tight!

 

Craig: *Bleep* you. 

 

Loudspeakers: Kyle!

 

Kyle: So Craig’s terrible at social sciences huh…

 

Craig: Broflovski I swear to *Bleep* god…

 

Kyle: Craig!

 

Craig: *Bleep*.

 

Kyle: True or false: Violent crimes are more expensive in damage than White Collar Crimes?

 

Craig: True?

 

Loudspeakers: That’s false! 

 

Craig: *BLEEP* YOU GUYS!!!

 

Loudspeakers: So Craig now has two strikes. Wendy!

 

Wendy: Hmm… 

 

Craig: I. Will. END YOU if you ask me a question about the *Bleep* social sciences. 

 

Wendy: Oh please, I can beat your *Bleep* up anytime if I wanted to. But this one’s for Cartman!

 

Cartman: Bring it *Bleep* on!

 

Wendy: Heh heh heh… Name an iconic pop singer that is ALSO a huge supporter of FEMINISM!!!

 

Cartman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

Loudspeakers: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Is not an answer! Strike two for Cartman!

 

Clyde: Really dude? Beyonce literally is everywhere. 

 

Loudspeakers: Clyde!

 

Clyde: Uhh… Cartman!

 

Cartman: Hah! Clyde’s a dumb *Bleep*.

 

Clyde: Name three iconic feminist icons in HISTORY!!!

 

Cartman: You don’t even know the answer to that question!

 

Clyde: But YOU don’t!

 

Cartman: I’ll just take my third *Bleep* strike. 

 

Loudspeaker: Alright! Everyone let’s watch Cartman fall into the abyss!

 

Wendy: Once again, how is America ok with this?

 

_ Cartman’s seat inches closer and closer to the center of the circle, where a giant hole opens up that leads to darkness. _

 

Cartman: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

 

Craig: That was pretty uneventful.

 

Kyle: We should just all be happy that he isn’t here anymore. 

 

Loudspeakers: Fourteen people left to go! Stan!

 

Stan: Oh Craig~!

 

Craig: God *Bleep* damn it.

 

Stan: What are the four main fields in psychology? 

 

Craig: *Bleep* it just give me the third strike. 

 

Loudspeakers: Hold on tight Craig!

 

_ Craig sighs in exasperation and grips the handles extremely tight with a very obvious eye roll.  _

 

Craig: *BLEEP* ALL OF YOU *BLEEP* EXCEPT TWEEKERS~!!!

 

Tweek: Oh Jesus that was too much pressure!

 

Loudspeakers: And then there were thirteen! 

 

Clyde: Oh no! There’s no one to protect me from the science questions!

 

Token: Uhh… I’m still here Clyde.

 

Clyde: Token I love you!

 

Token: Thanks Clyde. 

 

Loudspeakers: Jimmy!

 

Jimmy: Red! 

 

Red: *Bleep*

 

Jimmy: What is the square root of negative eight?

 

Red: Wait… You can square root negatives?

 

Bebe: Girl, I got this, unlike YOU! 

 

Red: Stop being salty.

 

Bebe: The answer is 2.82842712 i!

 

Jimmy: Well *Bleep*.

 

Red: Thanks Bebe.

 

Bebe: I know, I’m hot and I’ve got brains! 

 

Loudspeakers: That’s strike two Jimmy!

 

Jimmy: *Bleep*. I f-f-f-*Bleep* hate this game.

 

Loudspeakers: Token!

 

Token: Jimmy!

 

Jimmy: *Bleep*.

 

Token: How historically accurate or Disney movies? 

 

Jimmy: Not-

 

Clyde: I got this Jimmy! It’s pretty accurate!

 

Loudspeakers: That’s actually very false Clyde.

 

Clyde: I’m sorry Jimmy don’t hate me! 

 

Token: Wait Clyde I *Bleep* asked this question!

 

Clyde: Ahh I don’t know I just wanted to help! 

 

Bebe: It’s ok Clyde! You’re still pretty smart and…  _ cool  _ in my book!

 

Jimmy: Well. Take me away. *Bleep* you Clyde. 

 

Loudspeakers: So Jimmy’s out and Clyde now has two strikes. 

 

Clyde: *Bleep*. Thanks for the compliment though Bebe! 

 

Bebe: Hehe, no problem! 

 

_ Token gives a very obvious glare to Bebe, but immediately wipes it off.  _

 

**Bebe confessional**

**Bebe: Who is SO taking Token down? I am!**

 

Loudspeakers: Heidi! 

 

Heidi: Butters!

 

Butters: Oh gosh…

 

Heidi: True or false: There are people in this competition right now that tried to instigate an alliance with others. 

 

Red: *Bleep*.

 

Butters: Uhh… That’s… True! Even though everyone here is my friend, you guys are all kind of *Bleep*!

 

Heidi: I thought I could mess with him.

 

Kenny: You’re *Bleep* going down Heidi!

 

Heidi: I should’ve thought this through.

 

Red: You didn’t learn from my mistakes. 

 

_ Heidi’s chair accelerates towards the center, but stops abruptly. _

 

Heidi: *Bleep* I’m gonna throw up! 

 

Loudspeakers: Tweek! 

 

Tweek: Gah! Uhh… 

 

**Tweek confessional**

**Tweek: I can’t ask Stan a question twice in a row! He’d get suspicious! I would’ve done Jimmy but he’s out now! Wait! I know who I can *Bleep* over!**

 

Tweek: Red!

 

Red: Ask me away coffee!

 

Tweek: Is it true that the real reason you don’t let people call you by your real name is because you get emotional over the fact that you only let Kevin call you that and whenever someone calls you by your real name you feel things?

 

Red: NO! NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO! I DON’T FEEL EMOTIONS!

 

Bebe: Actually Red that’s true.

 

Red: NO! 

 

Bebe: Ok no, I am not allowing this, I lock in-

 

Red: NO!

 

Bebe: No?

 

Red: NO!

 

Loudspeakers: That’s both incorrect! Bebe, Red, you’re out!

 

Bebe: GOD *BLEEP* RED YOU *BLEEP* DRAGGED ME DOWN WITH YOUR *BLEEP*!!! 

 

Red: Well maybe my cousin’s little *Bleep* cock sucker shouldn’t have brought up my *Bleep* relationship with Kevin *Bleep* Stoley! 

 

Bebe: Well I’m gonna be salty the rest of the *Bleep* day!

 

Wendy: Oh my *Bleep* gosh… Heidi, Nichole, we gotta do this *Bleep* now.

 

_ Red’s seat moves closer to the hole, where eventually the chair tips over and she falls through. _

 

Red: WAITDOESTHISMEANIGOT12THOR11THPLACE!?!?

 

Bebe: WELLYOUFELLDOWNTHEHOLEFIRSTSOI’MSAYINGIGOT11TH!!!

 

Loudspeakers: And then there were ten! 

 

**Tweek confession**

**Tweek: Heh, I knew that would happen.**

 

Loudspeakers: Kenny!

 

Kenny: Tweek!

 

Tweek: Gah!

 

Kenny: I’m only asking this question because *Bleep* stoner isn’t here, but… Define the sex position Bulldog!

 

Tweek: *Bleep*! I don’t know! Is that doggy style except more hardcore!?

 

Kenny: Give me a definition Tweek!

 

Tweek: Agh! Too much pressure! Does anyone know this!?

 

_ But no one responds to Tweek. _

 

Loudspeakers: That’s a strike for Tweek!

 

Tweek: AGH! NO CHAIR STOP ACCELERATING AND BRAKING ABRUPTLY! 

 

Loudspeakers: Nichole!

 

Nichole: Hmm… Stan!

 

Stan: *Bleep*.

 

Nichole: So far in the competition, what is the number one reason why people score low?

 

Stan: Having no personality.

 

Nichole: Ok, that was too easy *Bleep*.

 

Loudspeakers: That’s strike two for Nichole! 

 

_ Nichole’s seat accelerates and moves closer to the hole, and brakes abruptly just before falling off. _

 

Nichole: *Bleep* I hate this!

 

Loudspeakers: Butters! 

 

Butters: Heidi! 

 

Heidi: Bring it on! I’m smart AND funny!

 

Wendy: What the hell?

 

Butters: Name three people in this house that have NOT been in some sort of confrontation!

 

Heidi: That’s also a trick question, everyone here had been involved in some sort of confrontation already!

 

Butters: Ah, hamburgers. 

 

Kenny: I’M TAKING YOU DOWN HEIDI!

 

Heidi: *Bleep*.

 

_ Butters’s chair accelerates towards the hole, and Butters falls into the hole with his chair. _

 

Butters: AHH THIS IS SCARY! 

 

Kenny: Buttercup no! 

 

Loudspeakers: And that concludes the second round! Cartman, Craig, Jimmy, Red, Bebe, and Butters have all been eliminated in that order. Clyde, Tweek, Wendy, and Nichole all have two strikes. Stan, Kenny, Heidi, and Token have one strike with Kyle still without any. Round three begins… NOW! Stan, start us off!

 

Stan: Uh… KYLE THE BUTT *BLEEP* TRAITOR!

 

Nichole: Butt *Bleep*.

 

Kyle: *Bleep* If you’d only communicate with me-

 

Heidi: Something that I have said previously but no one listened to me…

 

Stan: Tell me this KYLE, my supposed “super best friend”,

 

Kyle: We still are Super Best Friends Stan! but even before the reality show started you-

 

Stan: Is it true that YOU’RE the reason why everyone’s been *Bleep* like crazy? Are you the reason why the bathroom’s smell like *Bleep*?

 

Kyle: Oh? And what evidence do you have against me that I’m the one that put laxatives in everyone’s food?

 

Stan: Whoever said that their was laxatives in the food? 

 

Everyone: *Gasp*!

 

Kyle: W-w-wait! I don’t even know what caused the- Wait a minute! How do YOU know there was laxatives in the food? No one even went to investigate! 

 

Stan: Well Kyle, when everyone started getting stomach aches, YOU were the last person to cook food with Tweek! 

 

Tweek: GAH! IDIDN’TDOANYTHINGTOTHEFOOD!!!

 

Kyle: Wait, no I wasn’t!

 

Wendy: Well it certainly wasn’t me and Clyde!

 

Stan: And it wasn’t anyone else that cooked either. 

 

Kyle: NO! I DIDN’T PUT LAXATIVES IN THE FOOD!

 

Nichole: Oh my gosh it was Kyle! Wendy, you were right! 

 

Stan: Well let’s see what the loudspeakers have to say about this…

 

Loudspeakers: Kyle… IS TELLING THE TRUTH! 

 

Everyone: *Gasp*!

 

Kyle: I’ve been trying to communicate with you ever since the second challenge Stan, but consider our friendship over since you don’t even have the *Bleep* balls to talk to me!

 

Nichole: AHH!!!

 

Stan: Well game *Bleep* on Kyle!

 

_ Stan’s chair accelerates forward and stops abruptly.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Kenny!

 

Kenny: Heidi *Bleep* Turner!

 

Heidi: Oh *Bleep*!

 

Kenny: Remember when we were kids and you let yourself get manipulated by Cartman?

 

Heidi: Ok, that was a long time ago, I’m passed that-

 

Kenny: Is it true that you’re still trying to “fix” Cartman because you still love him?

 

Everyone: *Gasp*!

 

Clyde: Where’s Bebe when you need her to yell “drama bomb!”?

 

_ Heidi glares at Kenny, and cracks her knuckles. _

 

Heidi: We. Were. Kids.

 

Loudspeakers: Answer the question Heidi.

 

Kenny: Yeah Heidi, answer the god *Bleep* question. 

 

Heidi: You know what? Yeah. I still love him, that’s why I’m trying to fix him.

 

Loudspeakers: That’s false. 

 

Everyone: *Gasp*!

 

Kenny and Heidi: WAIT WHAT!? 

 

Heidi: How can that be-

 

Loudspeakers: That’s strike two for Heidi!

 

Heidi: *BLEEP*!

 

Loudspeakers: Wendy!

 

Wendy: Ok… Clyde!

 

Clyde: *Bleep*.

 

Wendy: Do you act dumb just so you can get Bebe to talk to you?

 

Clyde: I’M NOT DUMB!

 

Wendy: But- ok, Bebe I’m sorry, but I can’t sit and watch this anymore, but Clyde, do you understand that Bebe’s been manipulating you?

 

Token: What? Why would Clyde act dumb?

 

Wendy: Oh? Are you saying that Clyde’s already dumb?

 

Token: What? No, that’s not what I’m-

 

Clyde: TOKEN!? You think I’m dumb too?!

 

Wendy: But answer the question, do you act dumb just so you can get Bebe to talk to you? 

 

Token: No, Clyde doesn’t act dumb just so Bebe can talk to him.

 

Clyde: TOKEN!

 

Loudspeakers: That answer is… incorrect!

 

Clyde: Oh *Bleep*.

 

Loudspeakers: Clyde DOES act dumb just so Bebe can talk to him!

 

Wendy: Oh shoot I just realized that I had two strikes!

 

Loudspeakers: That’s right! Hold on tight Wendy!

 

Stan: Hah! Suck it Wendy!

 

Wendy: Go *Bleep* yourself Stanley! Kyle, speak to me after this challEEEEEEEENGE!

 

Loudspeakers: And then there were seven…

 

Clyde: *Bleep* Token you knew not to say that!

 

Token: Dude come on, it’s getting pathetic!

 

Clyde: No! *SNIFF* You know how I feel about her-

 

Token: Dude get yourself together. 

 

Loudspeakers: Tweek!

 

Tweek: Gah! Kenny!

 

Kenny: Yeah?

 

Tweek: Is it true that you used to hide behind a persona of someone that’s sexually active constantly in order to compensate for the fact that you felt left out because you fourth wheeled? 

 

Everyone: *Gasp*!

 

Nichole: Oh my gosh you guys, these questions are getting more and more intense!

 

Kenny: You know what? I didn’t, because I had other friends than Stan, Kyle, and Cartman. 

 

Loudspeakers: That’s false!

 

Kenny: WHAT?! But I had Buttercup and-

 

Loudspeakers: But did you really consider Stan, Kyle and Cartman your friends? They didn’t even noticed when you were gone for all those months when you guys were kids. 

 

Stan: Ok Dude, Kenny, we didn’t-

 

Kenny: You know what? You’re *Bleep* right! How could you *Bleep* not notice it when I DIE but everyone else does!? Some friends you guys are. 

 

Stan: Wait dude-

 

Kenny: I’ll take my *Bleep* strike. 

 

_ Kenny’s seat accelerates forward and brakes abruptly.  _

 

Stan: What the *Bleep* is going on right now… 

 

Loudspeakers: Clyde!

 

Clyde: Hmm… This one’s for Kyle. 

 

Kyle: Alright.

 

Clyde: Is it true that… You have a superiority complex over others? Or maybe it’s an inferiority complex?

 

Kyle: What? I don’t feel either of those things. 

 

Clyde: Maybe you’re trying to compensate for something that you don’t have? 

 

Kyle: What would I need to compensate for? 

 

Clyde: Well I mean… Think about it?

 

Token: Where the hell is this attitude coming from Clyde?

 

Clyde: Shut the *Bleep* up. 

 

Token: Woah, ok then. 

 

Kyle: *Bleep* off Clyde. I’m locking in my answer: No, I do not have an inferiority complex or a superiority complex.

 

Loudspeakers: That’s false!

 

Kyle: *Bleep*!?

 

_ Kyle’s seat accelerates forward and brakes abruptly. _

 

Loudspeakers: And Kyle finally has one strike on the board! Heidi!

 

Heidi: *Bleep* I don’t know if I want to do this anymore. 

 

Loudspeakers: If you don’t do this, you get a strike. 

 

Heidi: *Bleep* it, I’ll do it. Stan!

 

Stan: *Bleep*.

 

Heidi: So you would say that you’re the jealous type, right? 

 

Stan: What? No, I don’t get jealous.

 

Heidi: Oh really? Then it would be safe to say that you aren’t jealous of the time that Kyle spends around Tweek then?

 

Stan: No, I do not get jealous over the time that Kyle spends around Tweek when he could be hanging out with me instead. 

 

Heidi: Exactly.

 

Loudspeakers: That’s false Stan!

 

Stan: *Bleep* just throw me in the hole please. 

 

Kyle: *Bleep*.

 

Loudspeakers: That’s strike three for Stan! Hang on tight!

 

Stan: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

 

Loudspeakers: Token!

 

Token: Oh *Bleep*. Uhh… Nichole.

 

Nichole: *Deep sigh* ok.

 

Token: Are you a yaoi fangirl because you have social anxiety around guys? 

 

Nichole: No.

 

Loudspeakers: Ooh, that’s false! Strike three for Nichole!

 

Nichole: Do I fall down the hole NoOOOOOOOOOOOOOW??!!

 

Loudspeakers: Kyle!

 

Kyle: Clyde.

 

Clyde: Yeah? 

 

Kyle: Uhh… *Bleep* I feel so drained.

 

Loudspeakers: Alright, since the mood is terrible right now, I’ll have the six of you get off your chairs and go upstairs for sudden death!

 

Heidi: Oh thank god I’m done! 

 

_ The six remaining contestants get off their seats and walk back up the staircase.  _

 

**Token confession**

**Token: Things were going fine until we all brought up the “real” questions. *Bleep* damn it Clyde… I *Bleep* up big time.**

 

**Tweek confession**

**Tweek: Gah… I don’t know if I want to do this alliance thing with Kyle, but I think it’s just the mood talking. It was pretty great to get Bebe and Red out pretty fast though.**

 

**Kenny confession**

**Kenny: I mean… *Sigh* I know I fourth wheel a lot… *Bleep*. Maybe I should get on whatever Tweek was on…**

 

**Heidi confession**

**Heidi: Ok, I was a *Bleep* kid and I didn’t know better! I know that I should’ve been more smart, especially around Cartman, but I’m literally almost an adult now. I lost the weight, got my *Bleep* together, and I made new and better friends. *Sigh* I knew shouldn’t have gotten too riled up with the competition.**

 

**Kyle confession**

**Kyle: I don’t get it, why can’t Stan just *Bleep* listen? I don’t understand what’s going on right now. *Bleep* the mood right now. Maybe I shouldn’t have dragged Tweek into this.**

 

**Clyde confession**

**Clyde: Oh *Bleep*. That was too real. Oh *Bleep*, I usually leave this stuff for everyone else to handle. Ugh. I need to get my *Bleep* together. *Bleep*, it’s gonna be a *Bleep* blast after the elimination ceremony.**

 

_ The six remaining contestants walk up the stairs, where the dining room table soon takes place of hte staircase. The rest of the contestants stare at them in awkward silence.  _

 

Craig: Uhh…

 

Nichole: Yeah, everyone saw what everyone said on the TV.

 

Red: Well, I think it would be best for all of us to forget that today happened.

 

Heidi: Ok no, no, we shouldn’t forget about today-

 

Cartman: I think we should forget about today.

 

Clyde: I agree.

 

Bebe: Same. 

 

Stan: Me too.

 

Jimmy: Yup.

 

Wendy: Well I’m taking a nap. Wake me up when the elimination ceremony starts. 

 

Clyde: I’m happy the fridge is back.

 

Cartman: Move Clahd, I got first dibs on everything!

  
  



	10. Chapter AMERICA!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third challenge raps up. Third elimination ceremony begins. A new alliance is formed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! UmbrielBrechen here with the next chapter of INHTMFIHTMCM! This chapter is coming in early as an apology for updating hella fucking late. Also I apologize for fans of Stan, I love Stan, he is one of my favorite characters on the show, but he is honestly the easiest to make the most dysfunctional. Thank you all for reading my story, and I really appreciate everyone’s care for my story. Have a great life! Or don’t and be a little bitch about it. In this chapter, you can expect even MORE alliances and backstabbing, everyone’s favorite pastimes on reality shows and of course the elimination ceremony.

_ Previously on Cliche… _

 

_ The third challenge finally went underway after Kyle’s behind the scenes incident with the guns. The contestants for the third challenge had to answer some very difficult questions in order to advance through the game. Some friendships were tested…  _

 

**_Bebe: Actually Red that’s true._ **

**_Red: NO!_ **

**_Bebe: Ok no, I am not allowing this, I lock in-_ **

**_Red: NO!_ **

**_Bebe: No?_ **

**_Red: NO!_ **

**_Loudspeakers: That’s both incorrect! Bebe, Red, you’re out!_ **

**_Bebe: GOD *BLEEP* RED YOU *BLEEP* DRAGGED ME DOWN WITH YOUR *BLEEP*!!!_ **

**_Red: Well maybe my cousin’s little *Bleep* cock sucker shouldn’t have brought up my *Bleep* relationship with Kevin *Bleep* Stoley!_ **

**_Bebe: Well I’m gonna be salty the rest of the *Bleep* day!_ **

**_Wendy: Oh my *Bleep* gosh… Heidi, Nichole, we gotta do this *Bleep* now._ **

_ While some friendships were flat out destroyed…  _

 

**_Stan: Well let’s see what the loudspeakers have to say about this…_ **

**_Loudspeakers: Kyle… IS TELLING THE TRUTH!_ **

**_Everyone: *Gasp*!_ **

**_Kyle: I’ve been trying to communicate with you ever since the second challenge Stan, but consider our friendship over since you don’t even have the *Bleep* balls to talk to me!_ **

**_Nichole: AHH!!!_ **

**_Stan: Well game *Bleep* on Kyle!_ **

_ But the challenge wasn’t over yet. One by one the contestants fell into the hole, when six were left standing. Token, Tweek, Kenny, Heidi, Kyle, and Clyde still have one last challenge before the final placements are announced. Who will win? Who will get last place? Find out on this episode of Cliche. _

 

_ *Theme song plays with a montage of everyone’s faces appearing for five seconds.* _

 

_ …  _

 

_ Welcome back to Cliche! The final six contestants of the third challenge are all sitting at the dinner table while the eliminated contestants sit against the wall and watch as the challenge soon unveils.  _

 

Red: Ok wait, so did we all agree to never speak about the challenge right? 

 

Craig: Yes Red, no one will ever mention your dysfunctional relationship with Kevin. 

 

Wendy: And no one will ever mention that you have feelings. 

 

Bebe: I’m still salty you dragged my *Bleep* with you.

 

Red: Ok but that was a great bonding experience we shared Bebe.

 

Bebe: *Bleep* off. 

 

Red: I think we can all agree that falling down that hole was a great way for us to reflect-

 

Bebe: We fell into a pit of muddy water! Do you know how long my hair is going to get back to the way it was? 

 

Red: I’m just trying to be an optimist here. 

 

Wendy: Oh *Bleep*-

 

Cartman: Boo, boo Wendy Testaburger, boo. 

 

Wendy: Boo, boo Eric Cartman, boo.

 

Cartman: Eh! You can’t steal my insult!

 

Wendy: BOO! BOO ERIC CARTMAN, BOO!

 

Cartman: BOO WENDY *BLEEP* TESTABURGER, BOO!

 

Wendy: BOO! *BLEEP* BOO YOUR *BLEEP!

 

Cartman: BOO!

 

Wendy: BOO! 

 

Nichole: I like to think that there’s sexual undertones in everything, and there is definitely something sexual about this.

 

Wendy and Cartman: *Bleep* off Nichole. 

 

Heidi: I think that this is the perfect time for you guys to talk about your feelings.

 

Stan: I think Wendy’s a *Bleep* home wrecker and that Kyle’s a traitor. I also think that Craig *Bleep* Tucker is a *Bleep* hamster loving stalker. 

 

Craig: Well I think Stanley *Bleep* Marsh is a pathetic jock that washes his feelings away with alcohol and sexually harassing short Jewish fags. 

 

Clyde: I THINK THAT TOKEN IS A TERRIBLE FRIEND!

 

Kenny: I think that Buttercup is a better friend that all of you *Bleep* combined. 

 

Craig: *Bleep* of Marsh you don’t have friends in this competition.

 

Stan: I’M NOT *BLEEP* HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS! 

 

Tweek: Are we aloud to just yell whatever we’re feeling right now? 

 

Heidi: Yes. 

 

Tweek: WELL I’M TIRED OF EVERYONE THINKING THAT I CAN’T DEFEND MYSELF! I’M. NOT. HELPLESS! *BLEEP* *BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP**BLEEP*!!!

 

Jimmy: I think that a-a-all of you are completely pa-pa-pa-pathetic. 

 

Everyone: Shut the *Bleep* up Jimmy. 

 

Bebe: Can we go to the *Bleep* elimination ceremony now?

 

Kenny: No, we have to wait until the final six actually have places. 

 

Loudspeakers: Hello everyone! Kenny, Token, Clyde, Kyle, Tweek, and Heidi, please find your seat at the podium from challenge 1. 

 

_ The dinner table is soon replaced by six podiums facing two rows of jurors benches. The six contestants find their names and stand from left to right: Kyle, Token, Heidi, Tweek, Kenny, and Clyde while the rest of the contestants sit at the jurors benches.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Here are the placements for the eliminated contestants:

 

_ 15th- Cartman _

_ 14th- Craig _

_ 13th- Jimmy _

_ 12th- Red _

_ 11th- Bebe _

_ 10th- Butters _

_ 9th- Wendy _

_ 8th- Stan _

_ 7th- Nichole _

_ 6th-  _

_ 5th-  _

_ 4th-  _

_ 3rd-  _

_ 2nd-  _

_ 1st-  _

 

Loudspeakers: Jurors, please vote on who YOU think least deserves to win this challenge. Vote using the tablet in front of you. 

 

_ The jurors only take around five minutes to vote.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Ok, the votes are in. I can tell you right now, that two people have not been voted for. 

 

Tweek: Oh Jesus! 

 

Loudspeakers: However, sixth place goes too… Clyde!

 

Clyde: Aww, what?!

 

Loudspeakers: Clyde received the majority votes, with four people voting for him. 

 

_ 6th- Clyde _

 

Loudspeakers: Clyde, please step off the podium. 

 

Clyde: *Bleep* you guys. 

 

_ Clyde steps off his podium and sits in the back next to Craig.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Kenny, why do you think you deserve to win this challenge? 

 

Kenny: Because I do in fact have personality. Umm… 

 

_ Kenny looks at Kyle’s face, and sighs deeply.  _

 

Kenny: And I personally think that Kyle, my opponent, is the least worthy of being here. 

 

Kyle: Dude, what the *Bleep*!?

 

Kenny: Well it’s the truth!

 

Kyle: Well none of you guys were smart enough to ask me questions at the beginning of the challenge so *Bleep* you guys. 

 

Loudspeakers: Tweek, do you agree with Kenny?

 

Tweek: Gah… 

 

_ Tweek looks over at Kyle, who eyes him dangerously. _

 

Tweek: I think Kyle has more potential to be here than Heidi. She played dirty!

 

Heidi: Oh *Bleep* off, there weren’t any rules saying trick questions couldn’t be asked. 

 

Tweek: But you were being a *Bleep*!

 

Loudspeakers: Heidi, how do you respond to this?

 

Heidi: I think that I was smart enough in the challenge to utilize everything I could to win.

 

Kenny: Ok but for the last two challenges I seem to recall you not wanting to be here. 

 

Heidi: Tweek didn’t want to be here either! But I’m saying right now, as someone who finally realized her strengths in the heat of the moment, I have more potential to win this competition than the majority of people here. 

 

Kenny: Oh? So you only realized your strengths when you started to compare yourself to others? 

 

Heidi: I’m just utilizing what I already had. Not everyone can be as privileged as someone like  Token. 

 

Token: Ok, woah, woah, woah. 

 

Heidi: The only reason why you got first place last challenge was because America liked you.

 

Token: But isn’t that the point of reality television? Isn’t the reason why we all signed up for this is to be validated by strangers to begin with? 

 

Tweek: Ok, ok, wait a minute, let’s go back to what you said Heidi. I don’t want to be here just as much as the next person. But like you, I found my strength through this competition to go on. So don’t drag me into your *Bleep*. 

 

Loudspeakers: Kyle, what do you have to say about all of this? 

 

Kyle: Unlike Heidi, I already knew my strengths going into this competition. I was fortunate enough to have been able to say that I wanted to win this competition-

 

Heidi: Over the cost of friendship?

 

Kyle: Definitely over the cost of friendship. Especially when one of them won’t even communicate with you. It’s funny how you say that communication means everything Heidi, especially since you’re essentially the face of anti- communication. 

 

Heidi: Oh? How so.

 

Kyle: Well think about it. You failed to get Cartman to talk to you. You were weak enough to almost let Red suck you into an alliance-

 

Red: Hey!

 

Kyle: And now you're here blaming everyone else for your own weaknesses by pointing out other people’s issues. 

 

Loudspeakers: Time’s up! Jury, please vote on who you think least deserves to get first place now. 

 

_ The jury looks at each other in a confused state, unsure what to do. Craig, Red, and Wendy are the first to vote.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Wendy, I see you voted fairly quickly. 

 

Wendy: I did, with careful consideration of course. 

 

Loudspeakers: Red, Craig, do you have anything to say?

 

Craig: No.

 

Red: I mean I think Nichole left her drink in the sketchy basement.

 

Nichole: Oh *Bleep* you’re right! Damn it. 

 

Loudspeakers: The votes are in. I can tell you now, that two people are eliminated from this round.

 

Tweek: *Bleep*. 

 

Loudspeakers: And those people are… 

 

Craig: Holy *Bleep* just let us know already!

 

Loudspeakers: Kyle and Heidi.

 

_ 5th- Heidi _

_ 4th- Kyle _

 

Kyle: *Bleep*.

 

Heidi: Damn. 

 

_ Kyle and Heidi join the rest of the jurors.  _

 

Loudspeakers: I think it’s interesting that the three of you guys have found yourself at the top three. Token and Kenny are very dynamic competitors, but Tweek finally caught up. This last question will definitely decide the last three places. Tweek, you keep saying that everyone thinks that you are the weakest person in the competition, but who do you think is the weakest in terms of potential?

 

Tweek: Gah… I think that Cartman has the least potential.

 

Cartman: Eh!

 

Tweek: I think he’s all talk and no action, and I think that the rest of the competitors and America can agree with me.

 

Loudspeakers: Kenny, what do you think about this?

 

Kenny: I think that Cartman is definitely more dangerous than Tweek, that’s for sure. 

 

Tweek: *Bleep* you.

 

Kenny: Well Tweek, think about it. This whole time you’ve been complaining and yelling. Even Craig would agree with me on that. 

 

Craig: Uhh… 

 

Tweek: *Bleep* you. 

 

Token: I don’t think that Tweek is the weakest contestant here. 

 

Loudspeakers: Oh? How so. 

 

Token: If anyone’s the weakest contestant, it would really have to be Heidi.

 

Heidi: I’m not even on the podium anymore!

 

Token: But let me finish, while she does come across as the weakest contestant, I would have to say that she has the most potential. I think that Kenny is the weakest to an extent due to not having any allies besides Butters. I would say Stan, but he has America on his side due to his looks. 

 

Stan: Are you saying that I have no skills other than my body?

 

Token: Maybe. But all that I’ve said, it’s hard to conclude this with a definite answer, so no one is really the weakest contestant here.

 

Kenny: I think it’s funny that you say that Token, because that statement just tells America that you’re too weak to NOT make friends. I think that you’re trying to get everyone on your side so that you can come across as something you’re not. I think that you’re hiding something. 

 

Loudspeakers: Times up! Jury, please put in your final votes. 

 

_ Ten minutes passes as the jury attempts to conclude this challenge.  _

 

Loudspeakers: I can safely say that we have a first place winner. But third place goes too… 

 

*Close up on Token*

 

*Close up on Tweek*

 

*Close up on Kenny*

 

Loudspeakers: Token!

 

Token: *Bleep*.

 

Loudspeakers: And first place of this challenge goes to… 

 

*Close up on Kenny*

 

*Close up on Tweek*

 

Loudspeakers: Kenny! Kenny wins this challenge and first place!

 

Kenny: Hah! Suck it *Bleep*!

 

Loudspeakers: So to recap, this is the placements for the challenge. After a short break, I will bring you guys outside so you can all find out your final placements for this week. After that, you’ll all find out your overall placements so far in the competition. I’ll see you later! 

 

_ Everyone steps off the podiums and benches, and are left with an awkward silence.  _

 

Cartman: Well *Bleep*. *Bleep* you guys, I’m eating dinner. 

 

_ The contestants disperse into their own corners, unsure what to do with the rest of the night.  _

 

_ *Montage of the sun setting and cars driving* _

 

**Butters confession**

**Butters: Aw gee, I don’t like where this is going. Everyone’s falling apart. But I have to be strong. I know I’m not the strongest contestant here, but I still have more potential to win than a lot of people here.**

 

**Stan confession**

**Stan: *Bleep*. Honestly just *Bleep* right now. I didn’t think that this competition would be so emotional. I lost Wendy. I lost Kyle. *Bleep*, even *Bleep* Craig has more allies than me. Unless I can do something to change that… Heh heh heh.**

 

**Bebe confession**

**Bebe: So this is what it feels like to be at the bottom of the pact. I think it’s about that time to start using Clyde to take down Token and Craig more.**

 

**Jimmy confession**

**Jimmy: These *Bleep* ta-ta-talking about having allies and *Bleep*. I-I-I’m more dangerous than half of them co-co-combined.**

 

**Tweek confession**

**Tweek: Well… The alliance with Kyle is working. I don’t know if I want this still. Gah, this is too much pressure.**

 

**Red confession**

**Red: Maybe I should accept that I have feelings and emotions. *Bleep*. Bebe is definitely not an ally. It really wasn’t like she was to begin with though. But who can I use to my advantage?**

 

**Heidi confession**

**Heidi: I am WAY more determined to win now. But I need allies. I can’t do this alone, I have WAY more enemies now. *Bleep*.**

 

_ Let’s see what Cartman is up to…  _

 

**Cartman confession**

**Cartman: So everyone’s thinking about being an alliances. It’s pretty obvious that Jew-fag and Twitch-fag are in an alliance to bring down Stoner and Jack Daniels. But if there’s one person in this whole competition that thinks like me, it’s someone who I *Bleep* hate.**

 

_ Cartman goes outside near the pool to visit an unlikely competitor.  _

 

Wendy: What do you want fat *Bleep*.

 

Cartman: Nothing, nothing at all Wendy Testaburger. 

 

Wendy: You don’t need to say my last name every time you speak to me you know. 

 

Cartman: Actually, I do Wendy Testaburger, actually I do.

 

Wendy: Why are you repeating yourself all the time?

 

Cartman: I’m not, I’m absolutely not. 

 

Wendy: Ok, get to the point.

 

Cartman: Everyone thinks that I’m a pretty weak competitor. And for the first week, you were too.

 

Wendy: Yeah, and? 

 

Cartman: You and I both know that we are both dangerous individuals. 

 

Wendy: I *Bleep* sniped a *Bleep* because she was talking to Stan. *Bleep*, I should’ve let her have him when I had the chance. 

 

Cartman: Oh, you can still snipe Stan. You can snipe him all you want. 

 

Wendy: I know I can, I can dominate this game in a pinch if I wanted to.

 

Cartman: But what’s stopping you?

 

Wendy: I’m not sure. Maybe it’s the fact that I *Bleep* hate everyone here. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m out in the open right now. I’m a walking target, knowing the amount of enemies I have. 

 

Cartman: No you aren’t Wendy, you are a *Bleep* time bomb waiting to explode.

 

Wendy: Oh my gosh…

 

_ Wendy slowly backs away from Cartman. _

 

Wendy: You want to make an alliance with me!

 

Cartman: Think about it Wendy. Think about it hard and long. This is a one time offer. I think you know the right answer, but I also think you aren’t stupid enough to come in automatically without hesitating. So I have an offer that you can’t refuse.

 

Wendy: And that would be?

 

Cartman: We both take Stan right off the competition, but only if you take out Kahl. By doing so, we take out Tweek, Craig, Clyde, Token, and Jimmy. Eventually, we get to the rest of the girls and Kenny and Butters. We both get First or second place, and we split the prize. 

 

Wendy: Tell me what we would do to take Stan out first.

 

Cartman: Of course, I’ve already devised a plan that I think you would like. We all know that Tweek and Kahl are working together to take down Stan and Craig.

 

Wendy: It’s a war between tops and bottoms… 

 

Cartman: And everyone knows that Bottoms are dangerous when working together, but Tops are even more deadly when they’re working together. They can control their bottoms easily with teamwork, everyone that’s gay or supports gay rights know this. 

 

Wendy: So we get Stan and Craig to work together… 

 

Cartman: Thus they take out Tweek and Kahl… 

 

Wendy: Then we take out Stan and Craig… 

 

Cartman: By making them kill each other… 

 

Wendy: Thus starting a feud between Token and Clyde with Kenny and Butters… 

 

Cartman: And when they kill each other… 

 

Wendy: Then we can involve the girls in it by making Jimmy look like a culprit… 

 

Cartman: That way the girls can kill him… 

 

Wendy: And we overpower the girls by making Heidi look even more worse than she really is… 

 

Cartman: Thus killing everyone by having them kill each other. And all we have to do is say a few words… 

 

Wendy: Cartman you terrible person.

 

Cartman: It takes one to know one. 

 

Wendy: I’ll think about it. You’ll know your answer pretty soon. 

 

Cartman: This  is a one time offer though. 

 

Wendy: Well expand that offer by a few hours. You’ll get your answer very, very soon. 

 

Cartman: You over demanding *Bleep*.

 

Wendy: Well you’re the one that wanted this alliance. You play by my rules, and I’ll work with you. 

 

Cartman: I see, I see Wendy Testaburger. I will see you at the elimination ceremony. 

 

Wendy: Of course. 

 

_ Cartman backs away from Wendy and disappears into the shadows. _

 

Wendy: How the hell did he do that?

 

_ *Montage Of time passing* _

 

_ The contestants make their way to the back garden to await the results of today’s challenge.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Welcome contestants to your third elimination ceremony. I must say, what an unexpected turn of events that had just transpired. How do you guys feel? 

 

Butters: I feel naked. 

 

Loudspeakers: Well, without further ado, let’s head into the eliminations. But first, your prizes. First place gets a gift card specialized for the winner. Every place besides first place is decided by both challenge placements and popularity placements. But since we already know the first place winner, Kenny, come on down! 

 

Butters: Yay Kenny!

 

Kenny: Thanks Buttercup, the rest of you guys can suck my ten inch dick. 

 

_ 1st place: Kenny _

 

Loudspeakers: And for your first place prize: a one hundred dollar gift card to an online adult toy shop!

 

Craig: See McWHOREmic, even America thinks that you're just a *Bleep* whore. 

 

Kenny: Ok, ok I’ve *Bleep* had it with you *Bleep* calling me a *Bleep* whore. I’m more than just some *Bleep* machine, and I definitely have more personality than you Craig *Bleep*. 

 

Bebe: YAAZ get it queen!

 

Kenny: I'm a mother*Bleep* KING Bebe. 

 

Bebe: YAAZ GET IT KING!!! 

 

Butters: You tell him Ken! 

 

_ Wendy smiles deviously in the background.  _

 

**Wendy confession**

**Wendy: I may or may not have done something that would affect the events that had just transpired. Ok, I SO affected the events that had just transpired!!!**

 

Craig: Yeah, whatever. 

 

Loudspeakers: Great win for Kenny! Alright, let’s go onto second place. Second place, mostly affected by the influence of social media is… 

 

_ *Close up on Tweek’s face*  _

 

_ *Close up on Nichole’s face* _

 

_ *Close up on Stan’s face* _

 

Loudspeakers: Heidi!

 

Everyone: What!?

 

Heidi: Why are you all surprised that I got second place? According to whoever’s on the loudspeakers, I have a LOT of personality.

 

Cartman: Whatever *Bleep*. 

 

Heidi: What? Are you guys all against me now?

 

Clyde: I mean… Kind of. 

 

Heidi: Well you guys can all suck my clit! I’m *Bleep* tired of being seen as either a weak minded *Bleep* or a manipulative *Bleep*. I’m not here to make friends with you *Bleep* holes, I’m here to *Bleep* win! 

 

Wendy: I mean we’re all friends still at the end of the day, so I’ll just let you say whatever you want. 

 

Loudspeakers: Alright Heidi, go to the winner’s seating area with Kenny. Third place is someone who’s worked and screamed very hard and very loud to get to where he is. 

 

Tweek: I mean I do scream a lot. 

 

Loudspeakers: It is Tweek! 

 

_ Leaderboard: _

 

  * __Kenny__


  * _Heidi_


  * _Tweek_



 

 

Tweek: Oh *Bleep*! Really!? 

 

Loudspeakers: America has finally seen your personality Tweek. You should be happy with yourself. 

 

Craig: Yay, go Tweekers~.

 

Red: You’re still a *Bleep* though. 

 

Tweek: Uhh, yeah. *Bleep* you too Red. 

 

Red: Had you said my real name, you wouldn’t be able to wake up in the morning. 

 

Craig: If you go with that threat I’ll make sure you never open your mouth again. 

 

Red: I’d like to see you try cousin. 

 

Loudspeakers: Congratulations Tweek! Fourth place goes to… 

 

_ *Close up on Bebe’s face* _

 

_ *Close up on Jimmy’s face* _

 

_ *Close up on Clyde’s face*  _

 

Loudspeakers: From Last place to fourth place, Kyle!

 

Kyle: *BLEEP* YEAH!

 

Bebe: SHAKE IT!!!

 

Kyle: I’m not shaking anything. 

 

Bebe: You won’t even jiggle your *Bleep* for me?

 

Kyle: No.

 

Bebe: You would be a terrible stripper. 

 

Cartman: How the *Bleep* did Jew-fag and Twitch-fag score so high?

 

Kyle: I don’t know Cartman, maybe we just have better personalities than you. 

 

Cartman: Come on America! I have more personality than everyone here combined! 

 

Loudspeakers: We’ll just see how much personality you have when I call your name Cartman. But fifth place goes too… 

 

_ *Close up on Wendy’s face*  _

 

_ *Close up on Red’s face* _

 

_ *Close up on Cartman’s face*  _

 

Loudspeaker: Nichole! 

 

Bebe: YAZ NICHOLE!!!

 

Nichole: AHH!!! OH MY GOSH!!! I WOULD JUST LIKE TO THANK MY FELLOW FANGIRLS IN CANADA! NOT AMERICA, Y’ALL ARE DYSFUNCTIONAL AS HELL!!!

 

Craig: Get off the *Bleep* stage!

 

Nichole: Why don’t you get off in the bathroom!? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! 

 

Craig: I might just do that actually. 

 

Loudspeakers: Nichole, please stop dancing and go to the waiting area. 

 

Nichole: Oh *Bleep* sorry!

 

Loudspeakers: In sixth place is… 

 

_ *Close up on Craig’s face* _

 

_ *Close up on Jimmy’s face* _

 

_ *Close up on Butters’s face* _

 

Loudspeakers: Clyde!

 

_ Leaderboard _

 

_ 1st place- Kenny _

_ 2nd place- Heidi _

_ 3rd place- Tweek _

_ 4th place- Kyle _

_ 5th place- Nichole _

_ 6th place- Clyde _

 

Clyde: OH MY GOSH, AMERICA DOES LOVE ME! *SOBBING* *SOBBING* *SOBBING* THANK YOU FOR CARING FOR ME WHEN TOKEN DOESN’T!!!

 

Token: He still sleeps in my bed when he’s too cold. 

 

Nichole: That’s hot.

 

Token: Well I mean, he is chubby. 

 

Loudspeakers: Great job Clyde! Ok, now it gets serious. We have nine more contestants left. In Seventh place is… 

 

_ *Close up on Red’s face* _

 

_ *Close up on Token’s face* _

 

_ *Close up on Jimmy’s face*  _

 

Loudspeakers: Token!

 

Token: Ohh! Wait, I did so well in the challenge, why did I get called out so late?

 

Loudspeakers: America has not seen any personality from you this week. 

 

Token: *Bleep* personality. 

 

Loudspeakers: Ok. Eighth place goes to… 

 

*Close up on Bebe’s face*

 

*Close up on Red’s face*

 

*Close up on Craig’s face*

 

Loudspeakers: Wendy!

 

Cartman: BOO, BOO WENDY TESTABURGER, BOO!!!

 

Wendy: BOO!!! BOO ERIC CARTMAN, BOO!!! 

 

Cartman: BOO!!!

 

Wendy: BOO!!!!!! 

 

Cartman: BOO!!!!!!!!!

 

Wendy: BOO!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

Nichole: WOOP!!! Sorry, I’m just so happy right now! 

 

Bebe: You’re so extra.

 

Nichole: *Bleep*, you cannot say that you’ve met someone like me. 

 

Loudspeakers: Please take a seat Wendy.

 

Wendy: *Bleep* you, chill the *Bleep* out. 

 

Loudspeakers: OK, in Ninth place is… 

 

*Close up on Stan’s face*

 

*Close up on Bebe’s face*

 

*Close up on Jimmy’s face*

 

Loudspeakers: Bebe!

 

_ Leaderboard: _

 

  * __Kenny__


  * _Heidi_


  * _Tweek_


  * _Kyle_


  * _Nichole_


  * _Clyde_


  * _Token_


  * _Wendy_


  * _Bebe_



 

 

Bebe: Holy *Bleep*, I have NEVER been called out this late.

 

Wendy: It’s only the third week.

 

Bebe: That’s three weeks of me spending more time than I have to with some of these people. Except Clyde, you’re really…  _ Awesome _ Clyde!

 

Clyde: Pss! Craig!

 

Craig: Everyone can hear you Clyde.

 

Clyde: Bebe thinks I’m awesome!

 

Craig: You’re a *Bleep* dumb *Bleep*.

 

Token: Don’t ruin his dreams Craig.

 

Craig: You’re just jealous he isn’t paying attention to you.

 

Token: Shut the *Bleep* up. Don’t say anything to him Jimmy!

 

Jimmy: You don’t know what I was gonna do.

 

Token: I sure as hell know you were gonna do something I won’t be happy with.

 

Jimmy: Well sc-sc-sc-screw your well- screw your well being. 

 

Loudspeakers: Stan!

 

Stan: Thank *Bleep* god! At least I got called out earlier than Craig *Bleep*.

 

Craig: Shut the *Bleep* up before I staple your *Bleep* up. 

 

Nichole: Oh? So you’re willing to get that close to his *Bleep* then? 

 

Craig: Don’t misinterpret what I said.

 

Nichole: Too late! Just know you’re not only penetrating, but being penetrated also. 

 

Craig: What? 

 

Nichole: What? 

 

Craig: What? 

 

Nichole: What? 

 

Red: Nichole, stop getting things twisted.

 

Loudspeakers: Ok. In Eleventh place goes too… 

 

_ *Close up on Butters’s face* _

 

_ *Close up on Red’s face* _

 

_ *Close up on Cartman’s face* _

 

Loudspeakers: Butters!

 

Butters: Oh hamburgers. 

 

Red: Why the hell are you upset? You don’t have the potential to be in last place anymore.

 

Butters: This is just the second week in a row that I’ve been called late, that’s all.

 

Cartman: No one wants to hear your sob story Butters.

 

Kenny: Shut the *Bleep* up fat*Bleep*, you’re the one in the bottom four. 

 

Loudspeakers: Jimmy, Cartman, Craig, Red, you guys have the lowest performance scores and social media scores. 

 

Red: I’ve been doing so well these past two weeks though! 

 

Craig: You got tenth place last time, I wouldn’t exactly call that a good thing.

 

Jimmy: You guys need to sh-sh-sh-shut the *Bleep* up.

 

Loudspeakers: Jimmy!

 

Jimmy: And get the *Bleep* ou-out of my wa-wa-way. 

 

 

  * __Kenny__


  * _Heidi_


  * _Tweek_


  * _Kyle_


  * _Nichole_


  * _CLyde_


  * _Token_


  * _Wendy_


  * _Bebe_


  * _Stan_


  * _Butters_


  * _Jimmy_



 

 

Cartman: Great, now I’m stuck with the family of crazy people.

 

Red: I’m not THAT crazy.

 

Wendy: Girl, stop. You once tried to burn the school down after you caught Kevin talking to Annie. 

 

Red: And? 

 

Craig: I think it’s safe to say I’m more sane than Red is. 

 

Stan: What? You *Bleep* stalk Tweek all day. 

 

Craig: I’m only doing it to make sure that people like you and McWHOREmick doesn’t do anything to hurt him.

 

Tweek: *Eye roll*. 

 

Loudspeakers: Craig!

 

Craig: Bye *Bleep*.

 

Red: Wait, so I’m in the bottom two!?

 

Cartman: Shut the *Bleep* up, I have to be here with you. 

 

Red: I’d rather be ten feet underground than stand next to your *Bleep*. 

 

Cartman: We’ll just see who America favors more. 

 

Loudspeakers: Will Cartman and Red, please step forward. 

 

Cartman: America! Don’t fail me now!

 

Red: America I know that you're filled with crazy *Bleep* like me so support one of your own!

 

Loudspeakers: The two of you are here for two very different reasons. Cartman, so young, so fresh, so nice, so beautiful,

 

Cartman: What the *Bleep*?

 

Loudspeakers: But when you get on the platform to perform, you fail miserably, and America is left to question: Is Cartman here to win, or is he here to make friends? 

 

Cartman: America, I’m a dynamic player in this competition, you can’t do this to me!

 

Loudspeakers: And then we have Red. Red, you came in the competition at the top of the leaderboard, but now you find yourself at the bottom of the leaderboard. This past week, you have shown no personality what so ever. 

 

Red: Did you people not hear me yell and scream!? If anything, I deserve to be where Tweek is! Come on America, I’m crazy like you!

 

Nichole: Technically they’re crazy like me. 

 

Kenny: They're also dead like me.

 

Red: Ok well I *Bleep* showed more personality in the challenge than Cartman. 

 

Loudspeakers: America also doesn’t like the fact that you caused Bebe to get pulled down. Without you, Bebe could have won the challenge. 

 

Bebe: That’s true.

 

Red: Bebe!

 

Bebe: Sorry!

 

Loudspeakers: So who gets last place?

 

Cartman: America don’t do this to me!

 

Red: America, come on!

 

Cartman: AMERICA!

 

Red: AMERICA!

 

Loudspeakers: The person… 

 

*Close up on an anxious Tweek*

 

Loudspeakers: Who gets last place…

 

*Close up on Clyde crying*

 

Loudspeakers: And does not get eliminated…

 

*Close up on Wendy’s annoyed face*

 

Cartman: AMERICA!!!

 

Red: AMERICA!!! 

 

Loudspeakers: Is… 

 

Nichole: AHH!!!

 

Craig: *Bleep* I need to jerk off.

 

Cartman: AMERICA!!!

 

Red: AMERICA!!! 

 

Loudspeakers: Cartman!

 

Everyone: What!?

 

Red: God *Bleep* all of your *Bleep*. 

  
  


 

  * __Kenny__


  * _Heidi_


  * _Tweek_


  * _Kyle_


  * _Nichole_


  * _Clyde_


  * _Token_


  * _Wendy_


  * _Bebe_


  * _Stan_


  * _Butters_


  * _Jimmy_


  * _Craig_


  * _Cartman_


  * _Red_



 

 

Cartman: OHH!!! AMERICA LIKES ME MORE THAN YOU! NYEH-HEH- HEH- HEH- HEH- HEH!!!

 

Red: *Sigh* I see how it is. 

 

Nichole: Red, don’t do anything crazy.

 

Red: I guess I’ll just have to SET THIS HOUSE ON FIRE!!! *CACKLES MANIACALLY* 

 

_ Red runs away while pushing Cartman to the ground.  _

 

Heidi: Ok, we should actually stop her because she could probably do it. 

 

Tweek: AGH!? FIRE!? AHH I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!

 

Craig: OK, Tweek calm down-

 

Tweek: *Says incoherent things*.

 

_ Well that raps up this week’s episode! Tune in next week to see the next set of drama! And if the house is still here.  _

 

… 

 

… 

 

… 

 

Red runs towards the back of the house, sweating buckets. She pulls out a phone she secretly brought in the house, and dials a number. 

 

*Ring*

 

*Ring*

 

*Ring*

 

“You’ve reached captain Stoley!” 

 

“Hey Kevin! It’s me… Rebecca.”


	11. IRL chapter 3 part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan asks for Tweek a favor. Kyle comes to a revelation about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! UmbrielBrechen here with the next chapter of INHTMFIHTMCM. This chapter goes into the next part of the before events of the reality show, so basically, the IRL chapter. There is more to this part than I'm putting out but I'm just submitting this chapter early because I haven't updated in a while and I know that the next time I have time to write will be in a while, and I haven't updated in like eight days. I know I've said that I would rather wait like two weeks and put out a great chapter than put out a half assed chapter, but I don't want people to wait for me to update and then lose interest over the story due to even more inconsistency with updating. So the next part of this chapter will come in VERY soon, like within three days or less. If it isn't feel free to bitch at me.

The bone-chilling morning frost hit Tweek hard. As he walks to Token’s house for the all-day reality show planning the group made a while ago, Tweek really wonders if this reality show thing is worth it. 

 

“Craig and Heidi didn’t even sign up… Fuck, this is gonna be a shit show.” Tweek thinks to himself as he waits nearby the house for everyone to show up. “Of course I’m the first one here…” Craig WAS originally supposed to go with Tweek in the morning, but his sister just  _ had  _ to go with him to see her also precious Tweek. Even though Tweek’s now a more level headed person now that he’s off Crystal Meth infused coffee, and coffee in general, the thought of what the television industry could do to him if he screwed up his scripted lines. Then again, Tweek is a good actor, so he’ll see what’ll happen. He’ll just silently freak out in the corner. 

 

Thirty minutes passed, and Token texted Tweek that he’s getting the basement fixed up. Apparently, Clyde got drunk last night and fucked up the basement. Tweek rolls his eyes at this, originally thinking that Token and Clyde had some weird over the top sex session. Interestingly enough, all the parents are out of town. Again. So no one is monitoring what anyone’s doing. 

 

“Hey Tweek.” Tweek turns around to see Stan walking towards him with a box of food.

 

“Hey Stan. What’s up with the box?”

 

“Oh, I just stopped by to get doughnuts for everyone. Wendy’s probably gonna shit at me for ‘feeding everyone high sugar filled treats for breakfast’, but fuck her.” 

 

“If you want I can get everyone coffee- oh wait.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Oh shit, sorry.”

 

An awkward silence fills the air for what seems like forever, until Stan breaks the ice.

 

“Hey Tweek, I have a favor to ask.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Uhh…”

 

“Dude just tell me.”

 

“No.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“No, nevermind, it’s awkward.”

 

“Stan.”

 

“No.”

 

“Stan just fucking tell me!”

 

“TEACH ME HOW TO POWER BOTTOM!” 

 

Tweek stares at Stan in disbelief, and another awkward silence fills the air.

 

“No.”

 

“Why the fuck not?! All you have to do is tell me what you do-”

 

“No.”

 

“Tweek!”

 

“No.” 

 

“Oh come on, you let Craig bottom right? Aren’t you the dominant one in bed?”

 

“I’m the dominant one in bed  _ because  _ I don’t let Craig bottom.”

 

“Tweek I swear to fucking god-”

 

“How about I tell Kyle how to power bottom so he can teach you how to power bottom?”

 

“Kyle already knows how to power bottom! He just won’t tell  _ me  _ how to power bottom!”

 

“There’s the word  _ power  _ in power bottom for a reason you know.”

 

“Tweek!”

 

“Ok, what would you do for me in return?”

 

“I don’t know, what do you want?” 

 

“I want a double sided dildo that’s long enough so I can fuck myself and suck it while Craig watches in despair over the fact that he doesn’t get any of me.”

 

“Holy shit.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“You’re fucking scary.”

 

“I am.”

 

“Ok so if I get you the dildo will you tell me the secrets?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“TWEEK!”

 

“Why don’t you get it for me and I might tell you.”

 

“Fucking- Ok, fine. I’ll get you your damn dildo. We’re so lucky Nichole’s not here yet.”

 

“You’re fucking right.” 

 

Little does Stan know, Token and Kenny are already getting Tweek the same dildo so they can learn how to power bottom as well. And you all thought Kenny was the sexual beast. 

 

At eight thirty two AM, the rest of the Reality Show group makes it to Token’s house for breakfast and non drug injected hot chocolate. Wendy passes around plates and silverware while Cartman gets his laptop ready for a presentation. Clyde hungrily stares at all the food being placed in front of him, but is restrained by Token. 

 

“Clyde, your manners, stop drooling.”

 

“Sorry.” Jimmy hands Clyde a napkin and pours everyone a glass of orange juice or hot chocolate. 

 

“Thanks Jimmy!” Clyde says with a smile.

 

“N-n-no problem Clyde, that’s wh-wh-what friends are for.” Cartman walks up to his laptop and hooks it up to the projector.

 

“Ok everyone, we are gathered here today for food and drinks, provided by the best cook in South Park Wendy Testaburger,”

 

“Oh sweety, stop it!” Wendy says with a giggle as she hands Heidi her plate. 

 

“- and of course, to discuss the reality show titled,  _ Cliche  _ by MTV. Wendy, would you like to take the stage?”  

 

“Thank you, Eric. So last time we met up we opened up the emails from MTV,” Cartman changes the slide to Bebe’s email. “After further analysis from our group analysis Craig,”

 

“That’s me.” 

 

“Thank you Craig, we have concluded that there are no viruses, malware, spyware, hidden messages, subliminal messages, or third party tracking going on with this email.” Kyle raises his hand as he sips his orange juice.

 

“Yes Kyle?”

 

“So it really is from MTV then?”

 

“Yes, we have traced the email back to MTV HQ in NYC, New York. Second slide please, Eric?”

 

Cartman hits a key on his laptop and the slide changes to another slide labeled, “personalities”.

 

“So one of the first things that we all talked about last time was the issue regarding the making of the reality show script. Now, before I continue, did everyone read my email I sent last night?” Everyone nods. “Perfect, so without further ado, I’ll go over our personas we will take up during our time on  _ Cliche.”  _ Cartman hits a key to the next slide labeled, “Butters.” Butters’s face appears on the screen with various bullet points.

 

“Hey that’s me!” Butters says.

 

“Correct Butters, that is you. So for the first couple of weeks in the show, we unfortunately have you on the sidelines for a bit. However, before the middle part you will have a blow out against Kenny and then you will end up in the bottom two with Bebe. We actually don’t know who will be in last place because the producers sent me an email saying that they choose who gets last place, but Bebe, Butters, please prepare yourselves for a fake reality show fallout.”

 

“Wait,” Bebe sits up, swallowing a strip of chewed bacon, “Let me practice for a moment… HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED?!! AMERICA WAS ON MY SIDE, I WAS SUPPOSED TO WIN, NOT BUTTERS!!!” Butters thinks silently to himself for a moment, and nods, 

 

“Ok, I got it!... YOU KNOW WHAT BEBE? I’M TIRED OF YOU ALWAYS EXPECTING EVERYTHING TO BE HANDED TO YOU! YOU AREN’T SOME PRINCESS WAITING TO BE SERVED, YOU’RE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN!” Everyone claps in approval, and Butters and Beeb high fives each other. 

 

“Good job you two! Butters, you will also end up in an alliance with Red to take down Heidi, but simultaneously, you will also be in an alliance with Heidi to take down Red.”

 

“Wow,” Red says, “you backstabbing bitch.” Wendy slurps her hot chocolate and clears her throat, 

 

“Eric, next slide please.” Cartman presses a key on his laptop, and the slide changes to Stan.

 

“Stanley, you have a pretty big role in the household.”

 

“I knew it.” Stan says, cutting up his scrambled egg.

 

“You end up in the bottom two with me on the first week, eventually you will also end up in the bottom two with Craig, but you get one first call out. Your main reality show trope is the alcoholic who can never get their shit together. They also end up breaking up with their girlfriend very early on, lose all their allies with their main strength is the support from fans due to attractiveness, and are completely oblivious to their best friends feelings for them.” Kyle snickers to himself and pokes Stan on the cheek.

 

“Oh, so basically just reenact the last two years of our lives.” 

 

“Shut up.”

 

“You will also instigate many fights, particularly with me, Kyle, Craig, Cartman, Tweek, Nichole, Red… Ok so just everyone you will fight with.”

 

“Fuck.”

 

“Fuck indeed Stanley. Sweety, did you eat yet?” Wendy asks Cartman.

 

“Yes Wendy.”

 

“Are you sure? There’s plenty of food for everyone, go grab another plate, we’ll just stick everything in the dishwasher. But first, next slide.” Cartman hits the button and goes to the dining table to get more food. “Ok, next up is Token.”

 

“Fuck.”

 

“I’ve been waiting for this.” Nichole sits up in excitement.

 

“Same girl.” Bebe says. 

 

“Token, as we all know, you are arguably the most functional individual in this room right now. However, we will change that. Have you done your research on a yandere yet?”

 

“Yeah, but I’m not sure I’m comfortable with playing that part.”

 

“Dude, you’ll be fine!” Clyde says, pinching Token’s cheek.

 

“So basically, you’ll be a fan favorite for the first couple of weeks, scoring one first call out and being semi-consistently in the top five. However, you will at least end up in the bottom two at least once with Clyde. Your yandereness will be brought out by Bebe, we’ll get to more on that in a few minutes. But basically, you will be so obsessed with Clyde that you end up trapping him in the basement and attempt to murder Bebe because of things that we will discuss when we reach her slide.” 

 

“Should I practice my scream for when someone attempts to murder me?”

 

“Yes.” Wendy says.

 

“Ok… OHHHH THE AGONY! OHHH! OHHH! OHHHH! Ok, that’s too sexual, let me try that again. AHHH! AHHHH! AHHH! *Cough* *Cough* *Cough* I’ll work on it.” 

 

“Ok wait,” Token sits up and puts down his breakfast pastry, “let me practice being crazy…” Token snatches his butter knife and forcefully sticks the knife into the table. His eye twitches uncontrollably, even more worse than Tweek, “CLYDE IS MINE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!” Token grabs Clyde’s head and rubs his hair gently, “YOU’RE FUCKING MINE CLYDE, IF ANYONE TRIES TO TOUCH YOU I’LL FUCKING SKIN THEM ALIVE! ISN’T THAT WHAT YOU WANT CLYDE?” Clyde shakes in fear and begins to sob silently. “Clyde? Shh, it’s acting remember?” 

 

“Oh Clyde, you’re really great at crying on command!” Wendy compliments him.

 

“Uhh, *Sniff* yeah, that’s actually some of the many things that makes me totally AWESOME.” 

 

“Clyde you’re still pretty lame though.” Craig says.

 

“Shut up Craig.” 

 

“Ok,” Wendy shuffles her notecards and straightens them out, “Let’s see, we went through Butters, Token, and Stan. Sweety, next slide!” 

 

Before we go forward with anything else, does anyone need to take a break?” 

 

“I need to change my tampon.” Nichole says.

 

“Alright everyone, let’s take a ten minute break. There’s more food in the fridge!” Clyde hungrily gets out of his seat and runs upstairs, but is pushed aside by Cartman in his own attempt to get food. 

 

Tweek and Craig leaves the Black Residence to get more food. Stan and Kyle follows Clyde and Cartman up to the kitchen out of boredom. 

 

“Hey Stan,” Kyle sighs, “can I talk to you about something?”

 

“Yeah, what’s up dude?”

 

“This morning I ran into Nichole and Bebe-”

 

“Ohh.”

 

“Yeah, and they were talking about, well… gay stuff.”

 

“So the usual?”

 

“Yeah, the usual. But… Do you think I’m too nice?” 

 

“Uhh…” Kyle waits in silence for around five minutes until Stan gives him his answer, “I think that you’re not as nice as Butters, but nicer than the majority of people here.”

 

“Unlike Craig?”

 

“Fuck him dude.”

 

“Do you think it’s a bad thing?” Stan sighs and runs his hand through Kyle’s now silky locks, and smiles at his boyfriend. 

 

“I think it’s a wonderful thing. In fact, it’s the best thing about you. If you’re asking what the worst thing about you is, I’d have to say the nagging.”

 

“Ok so it’s not a bad thing?”

 

“No Kyle, it’s not a bad thing.” 

 

“Thanks Stan.” Kyle tiptoes to reach Stan’s face and gives him a kiss. “I really mean it.” He wraps his arms around Stan and hugs him tightly.

 

“Dude, why do you think this is a bad thing?”

 

“Well I mean… Is it cliche of me?”

 

“No dude. Let’s just go back down to the basement and wait for everyone. I don’t want to see the awkwardness of being in the same room with Cartman and Wendy. Who knows what the hell they’re gonna do right now…”

 

“Agreed, let’s go.” 

 

Everyone meets back at the basement with even more food to pass around. 

 

“Ok guys. Let’s get back on track. Does anyone have a question before we start?”

 

“I think that Kahl has sand in his vagina from all the times Stan fucks him.”

 

“I DO NOT HAVE A VAGINA!!!”

 

“Wait a minute how do I somehow have sand magically pouring from my dick?” 

 

“Nye- heh- heh- heh- heh- heh!”

 

“Eric please change the slide.”

 

“Yes sweety.” Cartman presses the button on his laptop and the slide changes to Kyle’s slide.

 

“Kyle, as we all know, you are one of the nicest people in this room.” Stan pokes his boyfriend on the cheek with a smile.

 

“See, I told you Kyle.” 

 

“Your role in the reality show is the nice one and the voice of reason. Everyone likes you, but you are constantly put down by the media for being too nice-”

 

“Wait!” Kyle jumps out of his seat and almost knocks over Jimmy’s drink. “Sorry.”

 

“Don’t mention it.” 

 

“I don’t want to be the nice one.”

 

“But Kyle you have to be the nice one!” Bebe gasps, “The one with the nicest ass has to be or else your whole persona will be tainted!” 

 

“Yeah,” Craig says, petting Tweek’s hair, “it isn’t like you can be the mean one anyways.”

 

“Shut up Craig. But this is reality television right? Bebe and Clyde said so themselves, we’re supposed to be the worst versions of ourselves. If I’m trying to do the right thing by being the right person, I’m not being another version of myself, I’m just being who I am at the present.” Nichole scratches her head and glances at Red in confusion.

 

“Ok but like, why do you want to NOT be the nice one? Social media’s gonna love you and you’ll have a higher chance at winning.”

 

“I just want to be more than something other than “the nice guy”. Even though the show’s called  _ Cliche,  _ if Stan’s the alcoholic and I’m the nice friend that tries to help him, the audience would see that as  _ too  _ Cliche and would get too bored.”

 

“Hmm…” Wendy taps her notecards against her podium and glances at everyone, “I guess you have a point. If that’s the case, we’ll have to change the script entirely since you’ll be at the front and center a lot because of Cartman and Stanley. Ok Kyle, your assignment tonight is to figure out your part in this television show. Everyone, what’s the consensus?”

 

“I’m cool with it.” Clyde says.

 

“Same.” Red nods.

 

“Ok then. Kyle, you know your assignment. Text me when you have it all figured out.”


	12. Week 4 Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wendy has a proposition for Kyle. Token and Bebe confront each other. Craig, Kenny, Heidi, and Nichole has a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LehLehLehLehLeh.

Hey y’all! UmbrielBrechen here with the next chapter of INHTMFIHTMCM. I know that I’m supposed to give the next part of the IRL chapter 3, but I don’t feel like writing that, so I’m giving you guys the first chapter of week 4. Also, I’ve noticed that a lot (a.k.a two) people love Clyde in this story. I don’t hate him or anything, but I didn’t really expect people to like him that much. Clyde lovers, get ready for the next couple of weeks on this story because he does A LOT. Lol, have a great day, or be a little bitch about it and don’t! 

 

Previously on Cliche… 

The third round of eliminations takes place. Kenneth “Kenny” McCormick scores first place, beating growing competitor Heidi, Tweek, and Kyle. Speaking of Tweek and Kyle, originally scoring 14th and 15th place in week two, both manage to score 3rd and 4th place respectively. 

Loudspeakers: Heidi!

Everyone: What!?

Heidi: Why are you all surprised that I got second place? According to whoever’s on the loudspeakers, I have a LOT of personality.

Cartman: Whatever *Bleep*. 

Heidi: What? Are you guys all against me now?

Clyde: I mean… Kind of. 

Heidi: Well you guys can all suck my clit! I’m *Bleep* tired of being seen as either a weak minded *Bleep* or a manipulative *Bleep*. I’m not here to make friends with you *Bleep* holes, I’m here to *Bleep* win! 

Wendy: I mean we’re all friends still at the end of the day, so I’ll just let you say whatever you want. 

Once dynamic competitor Red and consistent competitor Cartman found themselves in the bottom two. However, it was Cartman who came out on top.

Cartman: OHH!!! AMERICA LIKES ME MORE THAN YOU! NYEH-HEH- HEH- HEH- HEH- HEH!!!

Red: *Sigh* I see how it is. 

Nichole: Red, don’t do anything crazy.

Red: I guess I’ll just have to SET THIS HOUSE ON FIRE!!! *CACKLES MANIACALLY* 

Red runs away while pushing Cartman to the ground. 

Heidi: Ok, we should actually stop her because she could probably do it. 

But before the elimination ceremony started, Cartman and Wendy has secretly made an alliance of their own in order to take down everyone, especially strong competitor Stan. 

Alliances have been made.

Friendships have been tested.

Find out what happens next on this episode of Cliche.

… 

… 

… 

Welcome back to Cliche! The competitors are now getting back inside.

Red confession  
Red: SO, I got last place. That’s *Bleep* fine, I’m not upset and angry and frustrated at America and Kevin *Bleep* Stoley. Hahaha I’M NOT UPSET OK! I’M DOING JUST FINE! Also, the producers told me to set fire to everything later for a challenge later on or something. 

Red: I’m eating the rest of the cake.

Wendy: Doesn’t that thing have laxatives in it?

Red: Good, I’ll eat and *Bleep* my heart out.

Nichole: I’ll join you girl, pass me a plate.

Kyle walks over to Wendy and taps her on her shoulder.

Kyle: Hey Wendy, you wanted to talk to me, right?

Wendy: Oh yeah, that’s right! Can we step outside for a moment? 

Kyle: Uhh, sure.

Stan glares at both of Kyle and Wendy from across the room. Kyle notices this and stares back at Stan’s deep blue eyes. 

Kenny: Dude chill out.

Stan: I’m not *Bleep* jealous over the fact that Kyle’s spending more time with my *Bleep* ex when he could spend time with me.

Kenny: No one brought that up dude.

Stan: Pass me the alcohol.

Kenny: You’re gonna regret it dude.

Stan: Just pass me the *Bleep* alcohol!

Craig: Why the *Bleep* are you yelling!? 

Wendy: Ok Kyle, let’s get the *Bleep* out of here, we can enter the fray when we’re done talking.

Kyle: Uhh, yeah.

Wendy and Kyle walk out of the Cliche house as Stan and Craig yell at eachother. Kyle sits on a chair near the pool and Wendy sits across from him.

Kyle: What did you need?

Wendy: I wanted to talk to you about something. Can you promise not to tell anyone?

Kyle: Maybe.

Wendy: That’s good enough for me. 

Wendy confession  
Wendy: So *Sigh*, my original plan was to get in on the alliance with Tweek and Kyle. But then Cartman came along. I have to play my cards right or else I won’t sustain the alliance with either parties. 

Wendy: Kyle, I’ve heard that you’ve got yourself an alliance with Tweek.

Kyle: Yeah, I think it was pretty obvious. We’re just trying to destroy Stan and Craig.

Wendy: I see. I too am looking forward to destroying Stan and maybe Craig. 

Kyle: Are you asking to join our alliance?

Wendy: I’m not sure if I want to be in an alliance, but I know that I want to work with you guys. 

Kyle: What’s the catch though?

Wendy: Everyone’s out to get each other more and more as the weeks pass. All I need is someone to rely on if things get tough. If you do that, I can guarantee you that I’ll do my best to not only protect you and Tweek, but destroy Stan and Craig.

Kyle: I see… So you want a temporary alliance?

Wendy: Essentially, yes. But just until Stan and Craig’s out of the competition.

Kyle: But there are no eliminations in this competition.

Wendy: Well just until they are so useless they can’t fend for themselves. By the way, I heard that you wanted to get Stan when he’s drunk. You do realize that’s almost all the time right? What are you waiting for? 

Kyle looks down sadness and sighs deeply.

Wendy: You love him, don’t you?

Kyle: Ever since Middle School.

Wendy: Damn, I’ve been the *Bleep* in a yaoi story trying to steal away the seme all this time.

Kyle: Seme?

Wendy: Nevermind. Kyle listen, I don’t want any bad blood between us, we both love- loved, well, love for you, loved for me, the same man this whole time. I think I’m done with guys for now.

Kyle: So you’re a lesbian now?

Wendy: Bebe and I decided to become lesbians as a last resort. 

Kyle: You don’t just become a lesbian, it doesn’t work like that.

Wendy: *Sigh*, you’re right. Are we good?

Kyle: Yeah we’re good. By the way, why do Bebe and Nichole go inside Token’s room all the time?

Wendy confession  
Wendy: They were supposed to be discreet. *Bleep*.

Wendy: I think they’re just looking for proof.

Kyle: Of what?

Wendy: Stuff.

Kyle: Do I want to know what that “stuff” is?

Wendy: No.

Kyle: Ok. Thanks Wendy.

Wendy hugs Kyle’s short body and lifts him in the air. 

Kyle: *Bleep* put me down!

Wendy: I’m sorry, I just want to hug you! 

Wendy and Kyle walk back into the room to see Kenny fighting Craig, Craig fighting Stan, Stan fighting Nichole while simultaneously fighting Butters and Red, Tweek shaking in the corner as Heidi throws a vase at Cartman’s head, Clyde crying as Token holds him as he yells at Bebe, Bebe screaming at Cartman and Craig, and Jimmy baking a cake in the kitchen. 

Jimmy: I swear to f-f-f-*Bleep** God, if I see any broken glass in this ba-ba-batter Heidi, I am calling the police. 

Wendy: Excuse me Kyle. STAN YOU INCONSIDERATE MUSCLE HEAD!!!

Kyle walks over to Tweek as the blonde twitches furiously in the corner. 

Kyle: Hey dude.

Tweek: Gah! Is the plan in effect now?

Kyle: Not yet, but there’s something I need to talk to you about. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. 

Craig: BROFLOVSKI.

The room is turns silent as Craig’s voice echoes throughout the hallways. 

Craig: What do you think you’re doing?

Kyle: Uhh… 

Stan: Hey!

Everyone's heads turns to Stan.

Stan: Don’t -hic- talk to Kyyyaaaaaahl like that. He. Is. MINE!

Tweek and Kyle rolls their eyes and walks straight to bed. 

*Montage of the sun rising and the early morning rush starting*.

We see Bebe brushing her hair in the bathroom. 

Bebe: I swear to *Bleep* god, I should just shave everything off and NOT deal with looking this hot. 

Bebe confession  
Bebe: *Sigh*. So last challenge did NOT go as planned. Red somehow pulled my *Bleep* with her and we both ended up getting called last- er, in Red’s case, last place. But no worries! I still have Clyde~ to play with all I want!

Bebe: Ok, maybe I SHOULD just shave this all off. 

We see Token walking out of his room to make breakfast for everyone. Bebe and Token lock eyes with each other, and Bebe smiles sweetly at him. 

Bebe: Token.

Token: Bebe. 

Bebe: Did you have a restful slumber Token? I heard that Clyde can be a little bit too lumpy when he sleeps. 

Token: Oh no, I slept pretty well, in fact, Clyde slept pretty well also. 

Bebe: Oh, that’s great. Are you on breakfast duty today?

Token: Yeah, and I think that you’re on breakfast duty also.

Bebe: I am on breakfast duty. How about I meet you down in the kitchen in ten, looking this good takes a *Bleep* ton of time.

Token: In that case, take all the time you need.

Bebe: Oh I will Token, I will. 

Token walks downstairs while Bebe finishes brushing her hair. She walks downstairs after a while to see Token already making and omelette. 

Token: Bacon, cheddar, and chives omelette. Clyde’s favorite. 

Bebe goes on the household tablet and looks up a recipe.

Bebe: Chocolate chips breakfast scones with strawberry jam. Clyde’s got a pretty big sweet tooth. 

Token:: Do you want to *Bleep* say something to me Bebe?

Bebe: Oh I have A LOT to say to you Token. How about we start talking about your little *Bleep* journal that I excavated a couple of weeks ago. 

Token: You *Bleep*.

Bebe: I am a pretty big *Bleep*, thanks for noticing, I try my best! Let’s talk about the fact that your journal was literally you talking about all the ways YOU WANTED TO TIE CLYDE UP IN A BASEMENT AND “ELIMINATE” ME!”

Token stabs his knife into the giant piece of ham and glares at Bebe furiously with intense heavy breathing. Bebe smirks at Token’s rage and does not back away.

Token: I would choose my words carefully if I were you.

Bebe: Oh no Token, I don’t need to choose my words carefully at all. Rather, I would watch your actions if I was YOU. Clyde is *Bleep* obsessed with my *Bleep*, I can play him. All. I. Want. 

Token: CLYDE IS MINE!

Bebe: Oh but Token, you made him really upset during the third challenge and I sure as hell am the target of his affections. I don’t give two *Bleep* on whether or not you want to kill me or whoever, I’m walking away from this challenge with the *Bleep* prize. Clyde is mine… To manipulate!

Token: Clyde is mine… To love! I’ll murder you TWICE-

Bebe: Nuh-uh-uh! If you lay a finger on me you can *Bleep* bet Clyde will NEVER talk to you again! 

Token: I won’t have to lay a finger on anyone to make Clyde mine. I’ll *Bleep* make him win all the *Bleep* challenges and make him so happy he can forget your *Bleep* exists.

Bebe: Are you forgetting who you’re *Bleep* talking to? I”m Bebe *Bleep* Stevens and I dominate this game! And I’m not here to make friends with some punk *Bleep* like you. Oh, and don’t even think about doing something stereotypically yandere, I know how this works. 

Token: Don’t. *Bleep*. Try me. 

Butters walks into the kitchen, still in his pajamas.

Butters: Hey guys!

Token: Hey Butters.

Bebe: Hey Butters.

Butters: Boy, it sure is chilly in the morning huh. 

Butters walks up to the drink maker and heats up hot chocolate for himself.

Butters: Do you guys want some? 

Token: I’ll take a cup.

Bebe: Yeah, me too!

Butters: Aww, it sure is sweet to know that we can all get along so well. Even though yesterday did happen… Hmm. 

An awkward silence is invoked upon the three contestants, and Bebe and Token both walk away from Butters without their hot chocolate. 

Butters: Oh well, more for me! 

*Montage of people walking in Denver and the sun rising again*.

The rest of the Cliche contestants are up again. Let’s check in with Nichole… 

Nichole Confession  
Nichole: So I’ll be the first to admit, at first, I didn’t come here to make friends nor did I come here to win, I came here to watch the guys potentially *Bleep*. But, ever since the last challenge where I *Bleep* ended up in the top five AGAIN, I was all like, hmm, maybe I can win Cliche! But then I was all like, why would I want to win Cliche? 

Nichole: Hey Craig.

Nichole closes the refrigerator and pours herself a glass of orange juice as Craig sits at the table and stares at Tweek. 

Nichole: Did you have some of Jimmy’s cake by the way? It made me *Bleep* a lot, but TMI, I know. 

Craig: Hey Nichole. No, I did not eat Jimmy’s cake. Never eat Jimmy’s cake. 

Nichole: Are you staring at Tweek again? He isn’t exactly in the room at the moment.

Craig: I know, I’m thinking.

Nichole: About what? 

Craig: I’m confused.

Nichole: About what?

Craig: Well, what exactly constitutes as personality in this game? Token got *Bleep* up by it and placed lower than he should have, I probably got third to last place because of having “no personality”, and Tweekers~ got last place for supposedly having none. But now, Tweek’s doing pretty well in the competition. Is it because he’s talking to Broflovski when he should be talking to me?

Nichole: Are you jealous Craig?

Craig accidently bends the fork in his hand and exhales roughly.

Craig: YES.

Heidi walks down the stairs and walks into the kitchen, while Kenny walks into the kitchen from the living room.

Kenny: Nichole, how are you?

Nichole: Well this orange juice was labeled no pulp but it has pulp in it so that’s going for me.

Kenny: That’s great. Craig *Bleep*er. 

Craig: McWHOREmick. Heidi who’s somehow not here to make friends but finds herself in a room full of people.

Heidi: *Bleep* off. I’m just here to get orange juice.

Nichole: It has pulp.

Heidi: *Bleep* are you kidding me?

Nichole: No. Craig, Kenny, I have a question for you… 

Kenny: What?

Nichole: Have you two ever considered having a foursome (A/N: I just thought I’d share this experience with you guys, I work at a bougie-ass ice cream parlor in a bougie-ass area. I was working register on night shift, and there was these three people who were very obviously in a threesome, and they started making out. I didn’t give two shits, but I was annoyed that they didn’t respond to me on whether or not they wanted sprinkles. And then after that there was this guy who bought twenty pints of ice cream. Know that since this is the bougie area pints are ten dollars each. The total was $200, and he said it was for a stoner party. I was all like ok bitch have fun!)

Kenny: No.

Craig: No.

Kenny: I am not a whore contrary to popular belief. I just jerk off everywhere I go. 

Craig: Ok, so that makes you a whore. I don’t want to catch whatever STI’s you got. Plus I have Tweekers~. 

Kenny: *Bleep* you, everyone has herpes, deal with it. And no, that just means I have fun everywhere I go. Speaking of having fun, how is it being on your own now Heidi?

Heidi: I can’t believe that I got back together with Eric in Middle School, broke up with him in Sophomore year, got back with him, and then find ourselves in a competition, only to somehow never talk to him again. I mean America likes me, so that somehow is gonna carry me. 

Nichole: It’s ok girl, you still got me.

Heidi: Thanks Nichole. Wait a minute, Craig, you and Tweek aren’t even together.

Craig: Not yet. 

Kenny: You’re *Bleep* insane. Buttercup~ and I have been together for a *Bleep* long time.

Nichole: I wish we can all have functional relationships like yours Kenny. But then again, the rest of us puts the “fun” in dysfunction.

Craig: I put the *Bleep* in *Bleep*.

Heidi: Same. 

Nichole: Guys, we should all gossip about everyone in the house right now.

Craig: I don’t gossip.

Kenny: Liar.

Nichole: Who else thinks Stan is getting really unstable?

Craig: That *Bleep* dumb *Bleep* jock can go and suck my *Bleep* ass.

Kenny: Why do you guys even hate each other?

Craig: It started in elementary school… 

Heidi: Are we supposed to be seeing a flashback right now?

Craig: What basically happened was I took his crayons in pre-school, and then it escalated from there. 

Kenny: That’s it? No offense but you guys are literally the same person.

Craig: Just because we’re the same height, have black hair, blue eyes, physically fit, likes *Bleep* and dick among many other things does not make us the same person.

Nichole: I’m calling it, you two are from the same father but different mothers, someone make a *Bleep* fanfic, screw it, I’m doing it!

Craig: You’re insane.

Nichole: You’re the one that has a weird obsession.

Craig: You’re the one that’s obsessed with me.

Nichole: Touche. 

Heidi: Well, I’m off this crazy train. I have to see Red after this about some crazy theory she has. 

Kenny: Have fun with that. 

Heidi: It’s probably some mole on her *Bleep* or something.


	13. foop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fourth challenge begins!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have an excuse for my tardiness, but I apologize.

**_*A VIRUS HAS BEEN DETECTED IN THIS SYSTEM. PLEASE REPORT TO MTV HEADQUARTERS IMMEDIATELY FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTION*_ **

 

_ The truck leaves in about thirty minutes. The rendezvous point with the rest of the group is thirty miles from here. There’s a truck in the distance, it is being guarded by two security guards, both with massive shotguns. These aren’t your typical guards, they are highly trained soldiers from the MTV militia. Wendy, Cartman, and Craig hide in the shadows, stalking truck fiercely.  _

 

_ “Ok guys,” Wendy says, taking her Call Girl Selfie stick baton out. “We’ve only got one shot at this. Eric, do you remember the plan?” Cartman nods his head and cocks his sniper rifle.  _

 

_ “It’s all locked and loaded.” _

 

_ “And you Craig?” Wendy asks with concern. Craig cracks his knuckles with a slight smirk and devious glint in his eye.  _

 

_ “Fuck yeah. It’s about time these assholes got what they deserve.” _

 

_ “Make it quick though, the rest of the group is waiting for us. On the count of three…” _

 

_ “One…”  _

 

_ “Two…”  _

 

_ “Three!” With a quick flash and a skip of a heartbeat, Wendy and Craig sprint towards the guards with weapons in hand. Cartman stays in the back and aims his sniper rifle at a soldier just walking past the truck, and with a quick pull of a trigger, eliminates him with a bullet to his head. The sound of the gun firing echoes throughout the area, and the two shotgun-wielding soldiers are alerted to two black-haired teenagers charging at them with an off mixture of both fear and determination in their eyes.  _

 

_ “WHAT?!” One the guards yell, aiming his shotgun at Wendy, but she throws her unextended selfie stick at the guard like a boomerang, where it spins rapidly and knocks the soldier out. Craig jumps over the unconscious body and begins to initiate a very one-sided fight with the other soldier. Craig quickly fists the gut of the other soldier, and once she found herself leaning against the truck in pain, Craig rams his elbow against her skull, which is followed by a silent crack. From the very back, Cartman shoots another soldier just about to stab Wendy in the back with a dagger.  _

 

_ “Are we all ok?!” Wendy asks the two boys. They both nod. Craig gets into the driver's seat and starts the ignition as Cartman picks the shotguns of the two bodies. “Good, let’s get the fuck out of here. This is getting a little too Cliche for me.”  _

  
  


… 

 

… 

 

… 

 

_ Welcome back to Cliche! This week’s episode, we’re doing something different. We’re starting the challenge right here, right now!  _

 

**MAIN GROUP CHAT.**

 

LS: Hello Cliche contestants! Please introduce yourselves.

 

???: Uhh… 

 

LS: Please say the title of your name located on your tablet. 

 

Jake: I’m Jake Ashers the American Pop Star, and I like saying I’m Hipster even though I’m a basic jerk.

 

Helena Anna: I’m Serial Killer Helena Anna, and I ONLY kill teenage boys that play football with my machete. 

 

Fran: I’m Fran! I don’t have a description, I’m just Fran.

 

Antoine: I’m Pokemon Trainer Antoine and I ONLY use Dragon and Fire Types. 

 

Apollo: I’m Apollo the High Fashion Designer of Milan and I don’t accept women that weigh over 120 pounds and are below 5’7’’.

 

Mary: I’m Lady of the Southern Cross Mary, and I do in fact love gay people.

 

Elaine: I’m Elaine Johnson of Suburbia and I run Colorado’s most powerful drug ring.

 

Vionetta: I’m Vionetta the Nomadic Violin Player and I don’t believe in using deodorant. 

 

Ewan: I’m Ewan the Sexy Lumberjack and I smell like freshly cut trees. 

 

Cross: I’m Agent Cross of the FBI and I know EVERYTHING.

 

Celio: I’m Mage from the Heavens Celio! FIRAGA!

 

Tahniyuh: I’M PROFESSOR TAHNIYUH OF NYU. I MAYBE FROM 716 BUT I MADE IT OUT OF THERE AND I PREVAILED!

 

Sterling: I’m Sterling the Zombie Apocalypse Survivor! AHHH!!!

 

Jasper: I’m Prince Jasper of the Western Kingdom. Suck my dick peasant!

 

Harrison: I’m Harrison the Head Honcho. I know where you live. 

 

LS: Now that we’ve all introduced ourselves, let’s go over the rules of this challenge one more time. Everyone is in a separate room alone from everyone else. The objective of this challenge is to talk about your feelings. We will go around in a selected order chosen by our viewers: Antoine, Celio, Mary, Sterling, Jake, Fran, Elaine, Ewan, Cross, Harrison, Tahniyuh, Helena Anne, Jasper, Apollo, and finally Vionetta. As the contestants, your job is to figure out who is who. If you feel like you know who is who, DM me. You have three strikes. Also, you can set up another group chat with other contestants to figure out who is who. If you get found out, you will be eliminated from this challenge and you will appear in the main group chat as *Name* has left the group chat. Does everyone understand? Oh yeah, and you will also be shocked by your phone if you lie. 

 

Everyone: Yes.

 

LS: Antoine, you have five minutes to start talking, please prepare yourselves. Everyone, there is comfort food and tissues next to you if you need some. 

 

**Group Chat: Tahniyuh, Celio, Helena Anna, and Vionetta.**

 

Tahniyuh: So who do you guys think is who?

 

Vionetta: Why the hell are you asking us this?

 

Tahniyuh: Because we could be in an alliance.

 

Helena Anna: But you don’t know who we area.

 

Tahniyuh: One of you guys are Kenny.

 

Helena Anna: Maybe one of us is Kenny. You should guess and find out. 

 

Tahniyuh: Fuck you, I’m not stupid. 

 

Celio: I’m leaving this group chat.

 

**Single Chat: Fran and Mary**

 

Mary: Why are you messaging me?

 

Fran: I just wanted someone to talk to. 

 

Mary: Fuck off.

 

**MAIN GROUP CHAT**

 

LS: Let us begin. Antoine, please speak. 

 

Antoine: So can we say everyone’s real names when we’re talking about them?

 

LS: Yes, please do so.

 

Antoine: I feel like everyone in the house has issues that may or may not be resolved. 

 

Ewan: Why the hell do you think that? 

 

Elaine: Maybe it’s because we all have bad communication skills. 

 

**PRIVATE GROUPCHAT: LS AND JAKE**

 

Jake: Elaine is Heidi.

 

LS: Nope! Strike one for Jake! 

 

Jake: Damn it.

 

**MAIN GROUP CHAT**

 

Jake: Well that is true, we all have bad communication skills. Heidi does say that often. 

 

Antione: What else does Heidi say often? 

 

Tahniyuh: SHIT THAT DON’T MATTER.

 

LS: Antoine, what would you do to improve Heidi’s communicational skills, and in general, everyone else’s?

 

Antoine: Well personally, I believe that Heidi has a lot of personal issues that she can’t talk about with everyone else. I think that she’s a wuss. 

 

Jasper: Well Heidi does have some redeeming qualities about herself. 

 

Antoine: Like what?

 

Jasper: I don’t know, but I know it’s there. 

 

LS: Thank you Antoine. Celio, do you have anything to say about anyone? 

 

Celio: I think that Cartman’s disgusting AF. 

 

Mary: Yup, Cartman’s disgusting alright. 

 

Harrison: Took the words right out of my mouth.

 

Helena Anne: I agree. 

 

Tahniyuh: WELL FUCK YOU GUYS. 

 

**PRIVATE GROUP CHAT: APOLLO AND LS**

 

Apollo: Tahniyuh’s Cartman. 

 

LS: Correct! 

 

**MAIN GROUP CHAT**

 

***TAHNIYUH LEFT THE GROUP CHAT***

 

Cross: OMFG SMH WTF.

 

Sterling: What a fucking dumbass. 

 

LS: Mary, do you have anything to say to anyone? 

 

Mary: For one, I’ve had a great time spending so much of our lives together. 

 

**PRIVATE GROUP CHAT: LS AND VIONETTA**

 

Vionetta: Mary’s Butters!

 

LS: Nope! Strike one for Vionetta!

 

Vionetta: FML.

 

**MAIN GROUP CHAT**

 

Jasper: SAME. You guys are the best of friends ever. 

 

Apollo: LOL wtf no way. I fucking hate all of you guys. 

 

Ewan: Why don’t you leave the competition then.

 

Apollo: Because I’m fucking here to win that’s why. I’m not here to make friends with any of you bitchasses. 

 

Ewan: K. 

 

Apollo: Yeah, “K”.

 

Cross: What the hell are we even talking about?

 

Harrison: Who the hell knows? 

 

LS: Mary, do you have anything else to say?

 

Mary: You all bring me such joy and happiness.

 

Helena Anne: #BadSarcasm

 

Mary: Do you want to fight me? DO. YOU. WANT. TO. GO?

 

Helena Anne: All I’m saying is that I think that you are a basic beeeeeeeeotch. 

 

Mary: OH THIS BITCH WANNA FIGHT ME Y’ALL HOLD ME BACK!!!

 

Cross: No one can hold you back from anything, this group chat is uncensored and unmonitored. 

 

**PRIVATE GROUP CHAT: LS AND ELAINE**

 

Elaine: Cross is Craig.

 

LS: Nope! Strike one for Elaine!

 

Elaine: FUCK.

  
  



	14. Week 4 Part Leh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fourth challenge continues. Bebe and Token gang up against Jimmy. Kyle fights Cartman over an apple. Red makes a giant leap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say that YOU ALL KNEW HOW I FELT BUT YOU STILL DO THIS SHIT TO ME LIKE YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL LIKE WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT!?

_ Previously on Cliche…  _

 

_ The fourth challenge begins without notice, as the contestants are immediately pushed into the frey. In a twist of fate, each contestant assumes a new identity, where they must keep their real identity a secret in this group chat of deceit and lies.  _

 

_ Professor Tahniyuh of NYU is the first contestant found out, their real identity being Cartman, where he ultimately received last place in the challenge.  _

 

_ Who is who? _

 

_ Will the contestants find out? _

 

_ Will you? _

 

_ Probably not.  _

 

_ Who will get last place tonight… On Cliche?  _

 

_ Welcome back to Cliche! The contestants are allowed a ten minute break before heading back into their individual rooms. Let’s check who’s in the living room…  _

 

_ Clyde, Token, and Bebe sit on the couches as Clyde tells terrible jokes to his friends.  _

 

Bebe: Oh. My. Gosh Clyde, you’re so funny!

 

Token: And awesome and not lame at all! 

 

Bebe: And not a loser… Like at all!

 

Clyde: Oh my gosh, you guys make me so happy! You’re all so nice to me except the times when you aren’t. 

 

Bebe: Haha what are you talking about?

 

Craig: Guys stop being *Bleep*.

 

Bebe: *Bleep* off, you’re easily the most dysfunctional *Bleep* out of everyone in this *Bleep* house. 

 

Token: Get the *Bleep* out. 

 

Clyde: Craig my man, why don’t you sit down and join us?

 

Craig: My *Bleep* is numb that’s what. And *Bleep* you guys.

 

_ Craig flips off Token and Bebe and proceeds to go into the kitchen.  _

 

Clyde: He didn’t answer my question… 

 

Token: Aww Clyde, don’t cry!

 

Bebe: Clyde come here so I can hold you!

 

Token: No Clyde move your *Bleep* over here!

 

Clyde: AHH I FEEL SO LOVED!

 

Jimmy: I’m surprised that anyone would love a fat *Bleep* like you. 

 

Clyde: WAAAAAAAAHH JIMMY WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME?!?! I’M NOT FAT!!!

 

Kyle: Who the hell left this half eaten apple in the fridge?!

 

Cartman: No one cares about your issues Kahl. 

 

Kyle: Shut up Cartman! You’re just pissed off because you got last place in a challenge again! 

 

Cartman: *BLEEP* I got polarity in this competition!!!

 

Kyle: That doesn’t make any sense! 

 

Cartman: You got *Bleep* webbed feet that’s what you got!

 

Kyle: What does that have to do with anything!?

 

Cartman: So you do have webbed feet?

 

Kyle: No I don’t! 

 

Cartman: It’s like that sand in your vagina Kahl. I think you need Stan’s dick to dig it all out. 

 

Kyle: I DO NOT HAVE A VAGINA!!!

 

Bebe: Jimmy you get your *Bleep* *Bleep* out of here and into the *Bleep* trash can where you belong! 

 

Jimmy: You two are so d- d- d- desperate for attention from Clyde i- i- it’s redic- it’s ridiculous. 

 

Token: Just because you aren’t here to make friends doesn’t mean that you have to give *Bleep* to everyone else. 

 

Jimmy: What are you g- g- g- gonna do? Murder m- m- me?

 

_ Token stares at Jimmy with intense anger. Bebe rolls her eyes and scratches Clyde behind his ear in comfort.  _

 

Bebe: You better not have dandruff… 

 

Clyde: W- what?

 

Bebe: Shh it’s ok Clyde! 

 

Red: AHH!!!

 

_ Red sprints through the room and out into the backyard, where she throws herself into the pool, followed by a giant splash. Everyone stops yelling and turns to the sound of the impact, and stares in deep confusion.  _

 

Nichole: Red! Guys where did Red go?

 

Bebe: She threw herself in the pool. 

 

Kyle: What the *Bleep* goes on in that family that *Bleep* up Craig and Red? 

 

Red: Guys I’m a sea otter. 

 

Clyde: Wh- what’s going on? 

 

Nichole: I don’t know! 

 

Cartman: Well she’s insane, we all know that. Well Kahl, I think I won this argument, and America can agree with me. 

 

Kyle: Wait who the *Bleep* left this apple!? 

 

Bebe: Who the *Bleep* cares, I’m *Bleep* Bebe Stevens and I’m *Bleep* awesome, and honestly I’m probably winning this competition because that’s who I am I’m a *Bleep* winner! 

 

Token: *Bleep* off Bebe. Come on Clyde. 

 

Clyde: I wanna lay on the couch for a while though. 

 

Loudspeakers: Contestants! Please report back to your individual rooms! Cartman, please go upstairs to the gym and wait until the challenge is over. 

 

Cartman: *Bleep* you. 

 

_ *Montage of cars driving through heavy traffic and fast forward footage of people walking in the city*  _

 

LS: Hello everyone! Did you all have a nice break? 

 

Fran: It was ok. 

 

Elaine: Honestly I took the biggest shit of my life. 

 

Jake: What were we all talking about again? I forgot. 

 

LS: Antoine, Celio and Mary all said their peace. Up next is Sterling!

 

Sterling: Uhh… 

 

LS: This is a safe space Sterling, you can say anything you want. 

 

Ewan: Yeah, now that Cartman’s fucking gone. 

 

Vionetta: Legit though. 

 

Sterling: Wait what the fuck, this isn’t a safe space. 

 

LS: What are you talking about Sterling? 

 

Sterling: Everyone’s just always out to get each other. This is a competition, and none of us are here to make friends. Quite frankly I’m not here to make friends either.

 

Jake: Are you trying to fight all of us at once? 

 

Sterling: Fucking fight me assholes. 

 

**GROUP CHAT: Jasper, Fran, and Cross**

 

Jasper: Guys I think Sterling is Tweek.

 

Cross: Why would Tweek be himself in a challenge where he isn’t supposed to be himself? 

 

Fran: Maybe Sterling’s acting like Tweek to throw everyone off. 

 

Jasper: Maybe Tweek is Sterling and I’m right. 

 

Cross: You could be wrong though. I don’t think anyone besides Cartman is stupid enough to be themselves. 

 

Jasper: Fuck… You’re right. Thanks for watching my back “Cross”. 

 

Cross: No problem “Jasper”. 

 

**MAIN GROUP CHAT**

 

Elaine: Why the hell are you doing this?

 

Helena Anne: Maybe they just don’t have anything else to say and just trying to start drama? 

 

Sterling: BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE ANY OF YOU THAT’S WHY.

 

Helena Anne: You’re full of shit. 

 

Sterling: You’re full of bullshit, all I hear from you is the same BS all the same god damn time and you act all high and mighty and shit like you own the place.

 

Helena Anne: You don’t even know who I am. 

 

Sterling: I know that you’re some punk ass that’s what. 

 

Elaine: Dude back the fuck off. 

 

Sterling: Are you defending SERIAL KILLER Helena Anne now? 

 

Elaine: Yeah I am. You’re just trying to throw us all off by acting like someone else. You probably have so much insecurities that all you ever say is shit. 

 

Sterling: Fucking try me bitch. 

 

Helena Anne: You probably have dandruff and webbed feet or something. 

 

Elaine: Definitely dandruff. 

 

**GROUP CHAT: JASPER AND LS**

 

Jasper: Helena Anne is Token and Elaine is Bebe. 

 

LS: Correct! 

 

**MAIN GROUP CHAT**

 

***HELENA ANNE LEFT THE GROUP CHAT***

 

***ELAINE LEFT THE GROUP CHAT***

 

Harrison: OH FUCK! WHO WERE THEY? WHO FOUND THEM OUT?!

 

Jasper: Someone that has a stick up their ass that’s what. 

 

LS: Great job Sterling! Twelve contestants are left. Jake!

 

Jake: I want to find out who called out Helene Anne and Elaine. They both mentioned webbed feet and dandruff. Does anyone know who was in the same room as Token and Bebe? 

 

Fran: I overheard Kyle, Cartman, Token, Bebe, Red, Nichole, Clyde, and Jimmy arguing in the kitchen and living room while I was in the bathroom. 

 

**PRIVATE CHAT: LS AND MARY**

 

Mary: The only person that was in the bathroom close enough to hear that conversation was Wendy, she was in the bathroom. So Fran is Wendy.

 

LS: NOPE! Strike one for Mary!

 

Mary: Fuck you.

 

**MAIN GROUP CHAT**

 

Jake: So whoever called out Token and Bebe has to be either Kyle, Red, Nichole, Clyde or Jimmy. 

 

Ewan: Dumbass, that doesn’t help because we don’t know who called them out to begin with. 

 

Jake: Fuck you dude, at least I’m helping.

 

Ewan: Fuck off asshole, you’re basically leading us on a wild goose chase and having us point fingers at people with false evidence. 

 

Jake: Why don’t you take over then R-tard?

 

Ewan: Maybe I will you piece of shit. 

 

Jake: Fuck you.

 

Ewan: Fuck you! 

 

**PRIVATE GROUP CHAT: HARRISON AND LS**

 

Harrison: Jake is Craig and Ewan is Stan. 

 

LS: NOPE! Strike one for Harrison!

 

Harrison: Jake is Stan and Ewan is Craig.

 

LS: Correct!

 

Harrison: Fuck yeah. 

 

**MAIN GROUP CHAT**

 

***EWAN LEFT THE GROUP CHAT***

 

***JAKE LEFT THE GROUP CHAT***

 

Harrison: WHAT THE FUCK!? WHO KEEPS DOING THIS!? 

 

Vionetta: Wait who were they? I want to know! 

 

Apollo: Definitely Kenny and Butters. 

 

Mary: Probably, they probably agreed to fake fight each other to throw everyone off. 

 

Fran: Oh that makes sense. 

 

Antoine: Or maybe it was someone else entirely and we’re being thrown off by someone. 

 

Mary: Fuck off. 

 

LS: So to recap, Cartman (Tahniyuh), Token (Helena Anne), Bebe (Elaine), Stan (Jake) and Craig (Ewan) have been found out. 

 

Sterling: Damn, Craig’s the sexy lumberjack. 

 

Cross: And Stan’s the All American Pop Star. Who would have thought? 

 

**GROUP CHAT: Jasper, Fran, and Cross**

 

Jasper: Guys I really think that Sterling is Tweek but I don’t want to be wrong. 

 

Fran: Fucking guess then.

 

Jasper: I don’t want a strike!

 

Cross: Are you implying that you have two strikes already?

 

Jasper: Shut the hell up. Maybe you’re Kyle.

 

Cross: Fuck you dude. 

 

Jasper: You know what I’m outta this joint, fuck you guys.

 

**MAIN GROUP CHAT**

 

LS: Fran you’re up! 

 

Fran: I don’t have anything to say.

 

LS: Are you sure?

 

Fran: Positive.

 

LS: Ok then. Cross, you’re up!

 

Cross: Do you guys think that Wendy’s over Stan?

 

Celio: Wendy would have to be a complete dumbass to NOT be over Stan. 

 

Harrison: Honestly this is Heidi and Cartman all over again.

 

Jasper: Why are we always associating Heidi with Cartman? Heidi has an identity of her own outside of Cartman you know. 

 

Vionetta: You’ve been very adamant about protecting Heidi Jasper. 

 

Antoine: I’m not Heidi. You can guess but you’ll be wrong. 

 

**PRIVATE CHAT: LS AND VIONETTA**

 

Vionetta: Jasper is Heidi. 

 

LS: NOPE! 

 

Vionetta: FUCK!!! 

 

LS: Strike two for Vionetta!

 

**MAIN CHAT**

 

Vionetta: Well you weren’t lying. 

 

Antoine: Dumbass. Cross, you’re always mentioning Stan. Maybe you’re Wendy? 

 

Sterling: Maybe he’s Kyle. 

 

Antoine: Shut the hell up. Why don’t you guess? 

 

Sterling: Why would I do that when I know he isn’t?

 

**PRIVATE CHAT: CELIO AND LS**

 

Celio: Sterling is Tweek!

 

LS: Correct!

 

Celio: And Cross is Kyle!

 

LS: Correct!

 

Celio: And Antoine is Nichole!

 

LS: NOPE! Strike one for Celio!

 

Celio: Aww.

 

**MAIN CHAT**

 

***STERLING LEFT THE GROUP CHAT***

 

***CROSS LEFT THE GROUP CHAT***

 

Harrison: OMG!!!

 

Fran: We’re literally getting eliminated by the twos. 

 

Vionetta: Can someone tell me who the hell is getting eliminated?

 

LS: So to recap: Antoine, Celio, Mary, Fran, Harrison, Jasper, Apollo, and Vionetta are left in this group chat. That means that Heidi, Clyde, Jimmy, Butters, Nichole, Red, Kenny, and Wendy are left in this challenge. 

 

Vionetta: Please tell me that you just give us the answers.

 

LS: Nope! 

 

Jasper: OMG.

 

Fran: What?

 

Jasper: Nothing. 

 

LS: Harrison! 

 

Harrison: Can we like talk about the dysfunctionality of Bebe’s and Token’s relationship? And the obvious fact that Wendy got in an alliance with Tweek and Kyle?

 

Antoine: How the hell do you know this? 

 

Harrison: Oh I was being sarcastic, I honestly don’t know anything about anyone’s relationship. 

 

Apollo: You’d have to be living under a rock to not know anything. 

 

Harrison: I know that Kenny and Butters are the only functional couple in this house. 

 

Fran: Plot twist you don’t know shit. 

 

Harrison: Eh fuck you!

 

Fran: Stop trying to be Cartman, he got eliminated. 

 

Harrison: I’m not tryna be anybody but me. Ain’t nobody disrespecting me today. 

 

**PRIVATE CHAT: VIONETTA AND LS.**

 

Vionetta: Harrison is Red!

 

LS: NOPE!!!

 

**MAIN CHAT**

 

***VIONETTA LEFT THE CHAT***

 

Apollo: Well shit. 

 

Harrison: And then there was seven. 

 

Jasper: Wait who was Vionetta though. 

 

**PRIVATE CHAT: CELIO AND LS**

 

Celio: I’m just gonna take a shot in the dark right now… Harrison is Nichole. 

 

LS: Correct!

 

Celio: OMG!!!

 

**MAIN CHAT**

 

***HARRISON LEFT THE CHAT***

 

Celio: OMG WHO KEEPS DOING THAT!?

 

LS: Celio, Mary, Fran, Jasper, Antoine and Apollo are left in this challenge. That means that Kenny, Clyde, Red, Butters, Jimmy and Heidi are left in this challenge. Jasper you’re up!

 

Jasper: I don’t wanna say anything. 

 

**PRIVATE CHAT: APOLLO AND LS**

 

Apollo: Jasper is Clyde.

 

LS: Incorrect!

 

Apollo: Damn. 

 

**MAIN CHAT**

 

LS: Apollo!

 

Apollo: Personally, I think that we should just keep randomly guessing until one of us is left. 

 

Celio: I’m down for that. 

 

**PRIVATE CHAT: MARY AND LS**

 

Mary: Apollo is Red.

 

LS: Nope! Strike two! 

 

Mary: Apollo is Heidi.

 

LS: YOU’RE OUT!

 

**MAIN CHAT**

 

***MARY LEFT THE GROUP CHAT***

 

Apollo: This bitch probably tried guessing who I is.

 

LS: Antoine!

 

***PRIVATE CHAT: CELIO AND ANTOINE***

 

Celio: Antoine is fucking Heidi.

 

LS: Yup!

 

Celio: I AM SO FUCKING AWESOME!!!

 

**MAIN CHAT**

 

***ANTOINE LEFT THE GROUP CHAT***

 

LS: Mary, Fran, Apollo, Jasper, and Celio is left in this challenge. A.K.A, Kenny, Clyde, Jimmy, Butters and Red is left in this challenge. Celio, you’re up next.

 

Celio: I don’t have anything to say. 

 

LS: Alright! Mary!

 

Mary: I don’t have anything to say either. 

 

LS: Fran!

 

Fran: Clyde is a cry baby. 

 

Jasper: Almost as much of a wuss as Jimmy is. 

 

Fran: What makes you say that Jimmy’s a wuss?

 

Mary: Are you kidding me? Jimmy’s such a pussy. 

 

Fran: How?

 

Mary: He just is. 

 

Jasper: Exactly, Jimmy is a pussy, end of discussion. 

 

Celio: I want an explanation.

 

Apollo: Me too. 

 

Jasper: JIMMY IS A FUCKING ASSHOLE THAT TRIES TO ACT ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY AND RATCHET AF AND ALL HE EVER DOES IS PUT LAXATIVES IN CAKES TO SABOTAGE THE COMPETITION! 

 

Mary: Kind of like how Red’s mentally unstable ass can’t get herself in an alliance with other people. At least Jimmy doesn’t need to be in an alliance to win this game. 

 

**PRIVATE CHAT: FRAN AND LS**

 

Fran: Mary is Jimmy and Jasper is Red.

 

LS: Correct! 

 

**MAIN CHAT**

 

***MARY LEFT THE GROUP CHAT***

 

***JASPER LEFT THE GROUP CHAT***

 

**PRIVATE CHAT: CELIO AND LS**

 

Celio: Fran is Butters and Kenny is Apollo! 

 

**MAIN CHAT**

 

***FRAN LEFT THE GROUP CHAT***

 

***APOLLO LEFT THE GROUP CHAT***

 

**CLYDE AKA CELIO WINS THE CHALLENGE**

 

_ Everyone exits their room and walks to the dining room.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Clyde A.K.A Celio wins the challenge! 

 


	15. Week 4 Part Potato

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The contestants have dinner together. Jimmy questions Butters. The next elimination ceremony begins. Kenny makes a big flash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! UmbrielBrechen here with the next chapter of INHTMFIHTMCM. I PROMISE to put out the next IRL chapter(s). I know I've been avoiding it but I have a lot of feelings (lol no I don't) and I'm here to be America's Next Top Model and I'm not here to be friends with any of you bitch asses DON'T GO THERE OK DON'T GO THERE I WILL KNOCK THESE BITCHES DOWN ONE BY ONE BECAUSE I'M SANDRA. Thanks y’all and have a great life!

**REALITY T.V P.O.V**

 

_ Previously on Cliche…  _

 

_ The contestants finish up the fourth challenge with a huge impact. After dominating the last part of the challenge, consistent competitor Clyde achieves first place and wins his very first challenge, leaving Cartman in last place.  _

 

_ Token and Bebe also has quarrel over their ownership of Clyde once again, this time dragging Jimmy and somewhat Craig into the fight.  _

 

_ Cartman also had an argument with Kyle this time, fighting over a half eaten apple left in the fridge. _

 

_ Who will get last place? _

 

_ Who left the apple in the fridge? _

 

_ What other drama will take place in the Cliche house? _

 

_ Find out this week on Cliche.  _

 

… 

 

_ Welcome back to Cliche! The contestants are currently in the dining room having their lunch. _

 

Clyde: OH MY GOSH I’M SO HAPPY!!!

 

Token: I’m so happy for you Clyde! 

 

_ Token pulls Clyde over and nuzzles his face into Clyde’s hair in affection.  _

 

Clyde: Aww, Token! 

 

Nichole: *Unidentifiable noises*.

 

Red: Same.

 

Bebe: Clyde~!

 

_ Bebe walks out of the kitchen with a giant cake.  _

 

Bebe: I made you a rainbow cake to commemorate your successes!

 

Craig: Wasn’t that made with the batter Jimmy made this morning?

 

Jimmy: Sh- sh- shut the *Bleep* up. Or else you’ll f- f- f-ind yourself on the toilet for the rest of- the rest of your li- li- life. 

 

Clyde: OH MY GOSH!!! I FEEL SO LOVED!!!

 

Stan: I wouldn’t eat that cake if I were you.

 

Clyde: Do you want some?

 

Stan: Uhh I’m good. 

 

Heidi: Same.

 

Bebe: I’ll… Just smell it! This is all for you Clyde!

 

Clyde: *High pitched squeal*.

 

**Cartman confessional**

**Cartman: Pfft, the only reason why Clyde won was because he has two *Bleep* around his finger.**

 

**Kyle confessional**

**Kyle: I was actually thinking about adding Clyde to the alliance with Tweek and I, but it seems too early. Bebe and Token can kick my ass if they found out. Plus… Clyde’s kinda dumb.**

 

**Wendy confessional**

**Wendy: Cartman doesn’t really seem to be as invested into our alliance as I thought. He’s *Bleep* up all the challenges. I think I’m gonna have to give him more of an incentive. Also, my temporary alliance with Kyle has not been forgotten. I’m laying low for now, but I’m still gonna try to win the challenge next week.**

 

**Heidi confessional**

**Heidi: I’m starting to realize that Kenny’s a much more dangerous competitor than I thought. He and Butters are this show’s power couple. I’m gonna have to play my cards right so America doesn’t hate me as much when I take them out.**

 

**Craig confessional**

**Craig: I keep *Bleep* up the challenges. I need to avoid getting into the bottom two, I know I’m placing low. Hmm… I want Tweekers~.**

 

Craig: Tweekers~.

 

Tweek: NGH- H- h- hey Craig… 

 

Craig: Come here so I can snuggle with you.

 

_ Craig grabs Tweek’s chair as close to him as possible, and lifts Tweek up so he can sit on his lap.  _

 

Craig: You smell like coffee… *DEEP INHALE*.

 

Tweek: AHH!

 

Nichole: *Unidentifiable noise*.

 

**Craig confessional**

**Craig: … I hate coffee.**

 

Stan: *Eye roll*.

 

_ Stan stares at Kyle’s butt sticking out of his chair.  _

 

Kenny: I know where you’re looking~.

 

Stan: *Bleep* off. 

 

Cartman: Well I’m getting off the gay express, *Bleep* you guys. 

 

_ *Montage of cars driving and the sun setting* _

 

_ Lets see what Jimmy is up to…  _

 

_ We see Jimmy finishing up his latest batch of cake batter.  _

 

**Jimmy confessional**

**Jimmy: These idiots d- d- d- don’t know *Bleep*. I’m winning this competition by making everyone sh- sh- *Bleep* their pants.**

 

_ Butters walks into the kitchen with a mug in his hand.  _

 

Butters: Hey Jimmy! How ya’ doing?

 

Jimmy: Hello Butters. I’m doing just fine. 

 

Butters: That’s good! I’m really happy that you made it so far in the challenge! I just hope that you don’t get knocked over.

 

_ Jimmy glares at Butters with eyes of fury, but softens his look. _

 

Jimmy: W- w- wow, thanks for the consideration Butters! B- b- but I don’t think I’ll need it. 

 

Butters: Aw, I love how confident you are! Well, good luck! 

 

_ Butters pours himself some hot chocolate and begins to leave the kitchen, but is stopped as Jimmy places his crutch in front of Butters.  _

 

Butters: W- was there something else you needed Jimmy?

 

Jimmy: You s- s- s- seem to be doing pretty well in the competition so far. You jumped pretty far in the standings than usual. 

 

Butters: Well yeah, I’m trying my best you know! 

 

Jimmy: Butters, who do y- y- you think is the most dangerous person in this competition? 

 

Butters: Oh gee… I don’t really like gossiping. 

 

Jimmy: This is just between you and me. 

 

Butters: Oh well… Honestly, I think that Bebe’s pretty dangerous. 

 

Jimmy: Who else?

 

Butters: Well… I think that Eric is pretty dangerous also.

 

Jimmy:... A- a- are you *Bleep* kidding me?

 

Butters: N- no. I mean… I guess Wendy could jump back in the competition any time. But if Eric and Wendy got into an alliance, then things could get real messy for the rest of us.

 

Jimmy: What do you mean?

 

Butters: Well Eric is already pretty dangerous, but he for some reason isn’t doing well. The same can be said for Wendy. But if they started working together…. 

 

Jimmy: Hmm… I see. I- I- I’ll keep you posted Butters.

 

_ Jimmy vanishes into the shadows of the kitchen, leaving Butters alone with his thoughts.  _

 

Butters: Oh hamburgers, what did I get myself into? 

 

Loudspeakers: Attention  _ Cliche household! The fourth elimination ceremony is about to begin! Please relocate yourselves to the secret gardens! _

 

_ *Montage of the day transitioning into night* _

 

_ The contestants round up in the secret gardens for their next elimination ceremony.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Welcome to your next elimination ceremony! This ceremony will be a little bit different, because after we reveal this week’s placements, we’ll also reveal your overall placements in the competition, which is the average placements throughout this competition so far. How is everyone doing tonight? 

 

Heidi: I’m feeling pretty good. I know that I didn’t do the best in this challenge, but hopes are high that the popular vote gets me far. 

 

Loudspeakers: I see. Thank you for sharing Heidi. Craig, how about you?

 

Craig: I need to masturbate. 

 

Tweek: Ahh!

 

Loudspeakers: Thank you for sharing Craig. So without further ado, we will begin the call outs! First place goes to our first place winner! Come on down Clyde!

 

_ Leaderboard _

 

  * __Clyde__



 

 

Clyde: OH MY GOSH AMERICA LOVES ME!!! WAHHH!!!

 

Token: CLYDE I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!

 

Bebe: CLYDE I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!!!

 

Clyde: WAAAAAAAH!!! I’M SO HAPPY *INCOHERENT SOBBING*!!!

 

Jimmy: Boo Clyde, Boo C- c- Clyde Donovan, boo.

 

Clyde: WAAAAAAAH!!!

 

Cartman: Eh! Stop stealing my phrases Jimmy! I’ll kick your *Bleep* *Bleep*.

 

Wendy: Boo, boo Eric Cartman, boo.

 

*Close up on Cartman’s *Bleep* face*

 

Loudspeakers: Clyde, please take your tears to the winners circle. You also win a $500 gift card to Amazon!

 

Red: I want a *Bleep* $500 gift card to Amazon!

 

Kenny: All the sex toys… 

 

Clyde: I’M A *BLEEP* WINNER!!!

 

Loudspeakers: Good job Clyde! Runner up for best performance goes to… 

 

*Close up on Craig*

 

*Close up on Tweek*

 

*Close up on Heidi*

 

Loudspeakers: Kenny!

 

Kenny: *BLEEP* YEAH!!!

 

Butters: Yay Kenny!

 

Nichole: Work it Kenny yaaaz!!!

 

Kenny: Thank you Nichole, thank you Buttercup~.

 

Loudspeakers: How does it feel getting top five in ¾ times this early in the competition Kenny?

 

Kenny: It feels fan*Bleep*tastic. 

 

Loudspeakers: Great job Kenny! Ok, third place goes to… 

 

*Close up on Wendy’s face*

 

*Close up on Jimmy’s face*

 

*Close up on Heidi’s face*

 

Loudspeakers: Jimmy!

 

_ Leaderboard _

 

  * __Clyde__


  * _Kenny_


  * _Jimmy_



 

 

Jimmy: *Bleep* yes.

 

Red: Ugh, *Bleep* you Jimmy. I know that you were *Bleep* Mary.

 

Jimmy: Whatever JASPER.

 

Red: MARY!!!

 

Jimmy: J- J- JASPER!!!

 

Loudspeakers: Jimmy, please take a seat.

 

Jimmy: *Bleep* off.

 

Loudspeakers: Butters!

 

Nichole: AHH! Yaaz Butters!

 

Butters Oh wow! I’ve never placed this high on my own!

 

Kenny: BUTTERCUP~!

 

_ Butters runs towards Kenny and jumps in his arms, where he plants a kiss on Kenny’s cheek. Nichole smirks to herself in the background.  _

 

Loudspeakers: Great job Butters! Ok… Fifth place goes to… 

 

*Close up on Kyle’s face*

 

*Close up on Cartman’s face*

 

*Close up on Token’s face*

 

Loudspeakers: Nichole!

 

Nichole: Aw hell yeah! Who has the most consistent performance in the top five? It’s Kenny but I come close to second!

 

Wendy: Yaaz Nichole! Get it! 

 

Token: Great job Nichole! 

 

Loudspeakers: Nichole, please stop dancing and sit down at the winner’s circle. 

 

Nichole: Sorry!

 

Loudspeakers: Ok… In sixth place, we have… 

 

*Close up on Bebe’s face*

 

*Close up on Stan’s face*

 

*Close up on Red’s face*

 

Loudspeakers: Red!

 

_ Leaderboard: _

 

  * __Clyde__


  * _Kenny_


  * _Jimmy_


  * _Butters_


  * _Nichole_


  * _Red_



 

 

Red: *Bleep* yeah *Bleep* Red Tucker is out of the hole!

 

Craig: Ok… Rebecca. 

 

Red: *High pitched owl screech* 

 

Craig: Woah what the *Bleep*!?

 

Red: MY NAME IS NOT REBECCA!!! DO I LOOK LIKE A BASIC *BLEEP* TO YOU!? HUH!? HUH!? *BLEEP* SCIENCE PERV!

 

Jimmy: And she thinks she’s stable.

 

Red: I AM THE MOST STABLE PERSON IN THIS COMPETITION!!! 

 

Nichole: Girl, get your *Bleep* over here, you freaking threw yourself in the pool because you were feeling feelings.

 

Red: *HIGH PITCHED OWL SCREECH*.

 

Loudspeakers: Great job Red! Seventh place goes to… 

 

*Close up on Stan’s face*

 

*Close up on Craig’s face*

 

*Close up on Kyle’s face*

 

Loudspeakers: Wendy!

 

Wendy: Better watch out *Bleep*! I’m climbing to the top!

 

Cartman: Boo, boo Wendy Testaburger, boo.

 

Stan: You’re still placing low idiot!

 

Wendy: *Flashes tits*  ***CENSORED*** *Flips off camera*.

 

Bebe: Damn girl, those are NOT fake!

 

Cartman:... *Blushes* What?

 

Stan:... What? 

 

Craig: And I thought that it would’ve been McWHOREmick exposing nudity to the camera first. 

 

Kenny: I’VE GOT A TEN INCH DICK AMERICA! YOU WANNA SEE IT!? *Flashes dick*  ***CENSORED***

 

Nichole: It’s the exact same size as my yaoi art. 

 

Red: I don’t need to see that. 

 

Bebe: GET IT KENNY! YAAZ KING!!!

 

Clyde: Is no one going to talk about how unrealistic it is for Butters to take that? 

 

Token: Just leave it be Clyde. 

 

Heidi: That was unexpected. 

 

Bebe: Wait why aren’t you wearing a bra? Oh my gosh, you did NOT plan this out.

 

Wendy: Maybe~!

 

Token: Wait why wasn’t Kenny wearing underwear!?

 

Kenny: Commando, 24/7.

 

Tweek: AGH!!! I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THIS!!! I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW THIS EITHER AGGH!!!

 

Craig: Shh Tweekers, it’s alright.

 

Bebe: FLASH YOUR DICK CRAIG!

 

Craig: No. 

 

Stan: It’s probably a *Bleep* twig.

 

Craig:  ***CENSORED***

 

Jimmy: What the f- f- f- *BLeep* is going on?

 

Stan:  ***CENSORED***

 

Nichole: OH MY GOSH! IT’S THE EXACT SAME SIZE!!!

 

Heidi: Did you measure it or something?

 

Nichole: I can run in the house and get measuring tape-

 

Craig: NO!

 

Stan: NO!

 

Jimmy: I guess it isn’t a re- re- re- reality show if there’s no nudity. 

 

Tweek: I. DO. NOT. NEED. TO. SEE. THIS!!! AGH!!! I PULLED OUT MY HAIR!!!

 

Craig: Shh it’s ok Tweekers~.

 

Tweek: AHH!!! LOUDSPEAKERS DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!!!

 

Token: What is even happening right now?

 

Loudspeakers: Kyle!

 

Kyle: Thank *Bleep* god.

 

Bebe: Wait Kyle flash your *BLeep*!

 

Stan: *Stares in anticipation*.

 

Kyle: No, no one is seeing my butt. 

 

Loudspeakers: In ninth place is… 

 

_ *Close up on Cartman* _

 

_ *Close up on Bebe* _

 

_ *Close up on Heidi* _

 

Loudspeakers: Tweek!

 

Tweek: AGH! THANK YOU JESUS!

 

_ Leaderboard _

 

  * __Clyde__


  * _Kenny_


  * _Jimmy_


  * _Butters_


  * _Nichole_


  * _Red_


  * _Wendy_


  * _Kyle_


  * _Tweek_



 

 

Loudspeakers: Tenth place goes too… 

 

_ *Close up on Cartman’s face* _

 

_ *Close up on Heidi’s face* _

 

_ *Close up on Craig’s face* _

 

Loudspeakers: Heidi!

 

Heidi: Oh thank *Bleep* god!

 

Nichole: Yay Heidi!

 

Red: Yaaz!

 

Loudspeakers: Great job Heidi! Eleventh place goes too…

 

*Close up on Bebe’s face*

 

*Close up on Token’s face*

 

*Close up on Stan’s face*

 

Loudspeakers: Stan!

 

Stan: *Sighs in relief* Woo, that was close. 

 

Craig: *Bleep* you. 

 

Stan: *Bleep* your *Bleep* *Bleep*.

 

Loudspeakers: Craig!

 

_ Leaderboard _

 

  * __Clyde__


  * _Kenny_


  * _Jimmy_


  * _Butters_


  * _Nichole_


  * _Red_


  * _Wendy_


  * _Kyle_


  * _Tweek_


  * _Heidi_


  * _Stan_


  * _Craig_



 

 

Loudspeakers: Craig, America thinks that you have shown  _ no personality _ . That’s why you have scored so low this week and last week.

 

Craig: *Bleep* you guys. *Flips off camera*.

 

Loudspeakers: Bebe, Cartman, Token, the three of you are in the bottom three because you have failed miserably in the challenge. But thirteenth place goes to… 

 

*Close up on Token*

 

*Close up on Cartman*

 

*Close up on Bebe*

 

Loudspeakers: Cartman!

 

Kyle: *Eye roll*

 

Cartman: Ohh!!! America likes me more than you two! Nye- heh- heh- heh- heh- heh~!

 

Bebe: Oh *BLeep* you.

 

Token: Go to *Bleep* hell.

 

Loudspeakers: Will Bebe and Token, please step forward. 

 

Clyde: OH NO MY BEST FRIENDS!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

Token: America *BLeep* likes me better than you VIXEN.

 

Bebe: Keep dreaming RICH KID.

 

Loudspeakers: Bebe, Token, both of you are here for similar reasons. At the beginning of the competition, you two were the most strongest competitors in the competition. Bebe, you got first place on Week 1. Token, you scored first place in Week 2. But then we look at what happened on week 3. Bebe, you scored low last week, and got Ninth place. At first, we thought it was Red’s fault-

 

Red: Hey!

 

Bebe: I mean it was.

 

Loudspeakers: So we let you avoid the bottom 2, but just narrowly. But then we realized that it wasn’t just Red’s fault, that it was your own narcissism that put you to where you are. America thinks that you put yourself in this position, and America is left to question, does Bebe want Clyde? Or does she want the crown?

 

Bebe: Well *Bleep* you guys, I want both!

 

Loudspeakers: And then we have Token. Token, who everyone loves and respects. You’re handsome, smart, strong, and did so well in the beginning of the competition. However, you have shown  _ no personality _ this week or last week.

 

Token: Goddamnit.

 

Loudspeakers: So who gets second to last place? Fourteenth place goes to… 

 

*Close up on Clyde’s ugly crying face*

 

*Close up on Wendy’s face*

 

*Close up on Jimmy’s eyeroll*

 

Loudspeakers: … The person that shown more potential to win this competition… 

 

*Close up on Kenny’s crotch*

 

*Close up on Tweek’s anxious face*

 

*Close up on Clyde’s higher pitched ugly crying face*

 

Loudspeakers: Is… 

 

*Close up on Heidi’s face*

 

*Close up on Stan’s face*

 

*Close up on CLyde’s even more higher pitched ugly crying face*

 

Nichole: AHH!!!

 

Loudspeakers: Bebe!

 

Everyone: WHAT!?

 

_ Leaderboard:  _

 

  * __Clyde__


  * _Kenny_


  * _Jimmy_


  * _Butters_


  * _Nichole_


  * _Red_


  * _Wendy_


  * _Kyle_


  * _Tweek_


  * _Heidi_


  * _Stan_


  * _Craig_


  * _Cartman_


  * _Bebe_


  * _Token_



 

 

Token: *Bleep* my life.

 

Bebe: Hah! Suck my clit *Bleep*! 

 

Clyde: WAAAH! MY FRIENDS ARE FIGHTING!!!

 

Bebe: Aww Clyde, it’s ok, stop crying!

 

Token: No Clyde, it’s not ok! Come here and let me hold you!

 

Bebe: No Clyde let me hold you!

 

Token: Clyde!

 

Bebe: Clyde!

 

Token: Clyde!

 

Bebe: Clyde!

 

Token: Clyde!

 

Bebe: Clyde!

 

Token: Clyde!

 

Bebe: Clyde!

 

Token: Clyde!

 

Bebe: Clyde!

 

Clyde: WAAAAH! I’M SCARED!

 

_ Clyde runs away as everyone watches in confusion.  _

 

Craig: Wow, I’ve never seen him run so fast. 

 

Token: Clyde wait let me comfort you with cuddles!

 

Bebe: Clyde wait let me comfort you with food!

 

Clyde: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

 

_ Token and Bebe chases after him. _

 

Heidi: I think we need to have an intervention.

 

Cartman: No one wants to listen to your *Bleep* Heidi. 

 

Heidi: At least I’m making an effort to fix everything here!

 

Cartman: *Bleep* YOU! YOU THREW A GODDAMN VASE AT MY HEAD! 

 

Craig: HEY MARSH! I BET MY DICK’S BIGGER THAN YOURS!

 

Stan: WANNA *BLEEP* FIGHT ME!?

 

Wendy: Guys can we just take this inside the house so we can get this over with?

 

Kyle: Tweek come here!

 

Craig: WHAT?!

 

Stan: WHAT!?

 

Kyle: I don’t mean it like that idiots. 

 

Tweek: AHH!!!

 

Loudspeakers: Alright  _ Cliche  _ contestants, it’s time for the moment you’ve all been waiting for, your overall placements in the competition! Your Overall Placements are determined by your average placements. So from weeks 1-4 will be the deciding factor in your place. Here are your overall placings in the competition so far!

 

_ Overall current placements: _

  1. Kenny 3.25
  2. Clyde 5
  3. Nichole 6
  4. Heidi 6.25
  5. Bebe 6.75



5.) Token 6.75 

6.) Butters 7.25

6.) Jimmy 7.25

7.) Craig 7.75

8.) Tweek 8.25

9.) Kyle 8.5

9.) Red 8.5

9.) Stan 8.5

10.) Wendy 9.5

11.) Cartman 12.5

 

Stan: What?! How the hell is Craig doing better than me by .75 points?!

 

Kenny: That’s literally just one point dude. 

 

Wendy: *Deep inhale* Baby steps, it’s alright. 

 

Stan: Shut the hell up Kenny, you’re literally in first place. 

 

Kenny: What can I say? I’ve got a ten inch dick.

 

Stan: Shut the *Bleep* up. 

 

Nichole: Oh wow, I’m actually doing great!

 

Tweek: Ahh!!!

 

Cartman: Well if you simply change your perspective on this leaderboard, you could say I’m in first place because I have the most points.

 

Everyone: Shut up Cartman!

Cartman: Well *Bleep* you guys! I’m waiting inside so we can all fight and get it over with. 

 

_ That’s it for this week! Tune in next week to see who gets last place again and more drama filled challenges! _

  
  



	16. IRLEH

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IT'S A RACE AGAINST TIME!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you to the 200 people that got me to this position. I wouldn't have won Miss Universe if it weren't for you guys.
> 
> UPDATE 2/14/2018: Lol I fucked up on something! Cleaning it up!
> 
> UPDATE 2/16/2018: So I didn't fuck up and I read it wrong lol

After the meeting that day, everyone decided to spontaneously stay the night at Token’s house. It was a good thing that all the adults in South Park decided to have their monthly leave of the town, leaving the chaos of teenage rebellion to take over the town. 

 

Kyle lays awake in bed with Stan’s arms around him. The air is crisp and clean, and the blanket is fluffy and cuddly. But something is incredibly off.

“Stan.” Kyle sighs, “Stan, wake up.”

“Mmm.” Stan mumbles. 

“Stan wake the fuck up.”

“Mmm mmm.”

“My arm is asleep because you’re squeezing me too tight.” Kyle whispers, trying to escape Stan’s grasp on him.

“Mmm mmm.”

“Stan! Stan get your ass out of bed!” Stan slides his hand over to Kyle’s ass and squeezes it. “Stan! Goddamnit! It’s five thirty in the morning, I need circulation!” Stan squeezes Kyle’s body tighter, and drifts back to sleep. “Stan! Ugh, this always happens!”

 

Over to the room across the hall, Cartman and Wendy’s room, we hear a silent argument. 

“Wiiiiiiiiiiiindy!” Cartman wails, “Come back to bed!” Wendy cracks her back and puts on a sports bra. 

“Sweety, you know it’s my morning routine to go on a jog.”

“But what about my warrrrrrrrrrrrrmth?”

“You have a blanket, Eric. Do you want me to get you another one?”

“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeees!” Wendy opens a drawer and sets a blanket on top of Cartman’s body. “Ok, I’m going now!”

“Noooooooooo!”

“Yes Eric, and you should get up soon also.”

“What?” Cartman asks hazily, “It’s five thirty in the morning!”

“And that’s the perfect time to start your day!” 

“Fuck you bitch.”

“I love you too sweety!” 

 

In the room next to Cartman and Wendy’s room, Token and Clyde sleep silently.

“... Token…” Clyde says in his sleep. Token’s eyes shoot open in alarm, and looks over at Clyde. 

“Clyde? Are you sleeping?”

“Token… I need the lamp post.” 

“Clyde what are you talking about? It’s almost six, go back to sleep.” Token huddles in the blanket, but Clyde’s shifting in bed makes it harder to fall back asleep.

“The lamp post Token…” 

“Clyde, what are you talking about?”

“Use the spoon…” 

“Wait, are you talking in your sleep?” 

“We need the spoon… AND the lamp post…” 

“Ok, I need to record this.” 

“The spoon…” Token grabs his phone and begins to record Clyde speaking. 

 

At nine thirty in the morning, Wendy gets back from her jog, and everyone is awake. Kenny and Butters cooks ham and cheese omelettes and chocolate pancakes with organic orange juice in two large pitchers for everyone. Nichole plugs in her phone to a charger and rubs her eyes with a yawn.

“Aww guys!” She says cheerfully, “I’ve never had a sleepover with this many people before!” Red burps aloud from a sip of her orange juice and inhales the fresh morning air brought in by the open windows. 

“Some ass kept on snoring.” Everyone in the room looks at Cartman, but he flips everyone off and shakes his head.

“Nuh-uh! It wasn’t me! If it was then Windy would’ve woken up dumbasses!” Tweek shakes his head and runs his fingers through his eternally messy hair. 

“Sorry guys, Craig always snores when he sleeps. Ugh, I hate it, I can barely sleep next to him sometimes.” Craig walks out of his and Tweek’s room in his underwear and a NASA shirt. He glares at everyone with his baggy eyes and massive thumps each time he steps. He flips everyone off, and heads to the bathroom. “He’s not a morning person.” 

“Bitch!” Cartman yells, “I’m not a fuckin’ morning person and I got my ass up all happy and shit!” Kyle shakes his head and sips his orange juice. 

“Shut up Cartman.”

“Well fuck you too Kahl!” Kenny and Butters enters the dining room where everyone sits in anticipation. Kenny smirks and raises his eyebrows as he carries the food on multiple serving trays. 

“Should I wear a sexy waiter’s outfit and present the food like some host club in Japan?” Bebe screams in happiness and claps her hands.

“Oh my gosh YES!” Butters’s face heats up and he giggles in bashfulness.

“Aww Ken stop it that’s embarrassing!” Token raises his eyebrow and stares at Kenny.

“Not in my house, no thanks.”

“Don’t worry Token, you can join in on the fun also.” Kenny says with a wink. Token turns around to see Nichole and Clyde nodding their heads furiously. 

“No, no one is doing anything sexual in my house.” 

 

After Craig gets back from his session in the bathroom, everyone is sitting in their pajamas for an early morning breakfast meeting. Wendy gets up on the podium and starts up the laptop. She dips her pancake in a pile of organic maple syrup on her plate and stuffs it in her mouth. 

“Mmm, that’s fucking good. Great job Butters and Kenny!” Kenny winks at Wendy and Butters smiles brightly. “So let’s take a recap on everything we’ve done since our last meeting. Kyle has turned in and submitted his ideas for his role in the reality show, which we all reviewed in that one email yes?” Everyone nods their head, “Perfect! Ok so we have Red’s personality profile, Nichole’s bottom two moment with Clyde, Cartman’s second fight with Heidi and Kyle, yeah! It look like everything’s been submitted already to our Google Drive File. All I have to do is send over the file to MTV and everything should be great! Great job everyone!” Everyone claps and cheers to themselves, and Wendy hits the “share” button on Google Drive. “Well that’s that. Now we just have to wait. So how did everyone sleep last night?” Jimmy puts his fork down and wipes his mouth with his napkin before speaking,

“I- I- It was great. Those im- im- im- imported blankets are really soft.” Red nods her head and takes her backpack out from underneath the dining table. She unzips it to reveal one of Token’s blankets. 

“I hope you don’t mind if I just take one of these…”

“Yes, I DO mind.”

“Thanks Token!”

“Ugh, No- I’m not fighting you right now.” Heidi eats the last of her omelette and scrolls through her phone, until she gets a notification, her eyes widen. 

“Guys!” 

“Scream louder so the whole world can hear you.” Cartman says.

“Fuck you. No, I got an email from MTV!” 

“Ok, ok!” Kyle yells, “Heidi is getting an email from MTV, and she is the only one besides Craig to not sign up for this, how is that not fishy?”

“Wait,” Craig says, looking through his email, “I got an email too. Maybe they’re both different.” Heidi passes her phone to Craig, and he analyzes the email thoroughly. “Hmm…” 

“Did you find anything?” Wendy asks. Craig takes one last swipe up through each phone, and looks up. 

“They’re the same.” He hands Heidi’s phone back to her, and Craig looks through the email. “It looks like MTV already looked through everything already. Stan looks up from his food and peers at Craig’s phone. 

“What? How is that possible, there’s at least fifty documents in there.”

“Fifty five if you count the blank documents that I accidently left there.” Cartman says.

“Sweety?” Wendy asks, “What do you mean you left five random blank documents in this folder?” 

“Nevermind babe.” Craig and Heidi stands up at the same time and they look at eachother in the eye.

“Well it looks like we have fifteen plane tickets to Los Angeles.” Bebe continues to eat her food through this conversation.

“Oh that’s great.” But Bebe didn’t hear the location. She immediately drops her fork and looks up at Craig and Heidi. “Did you say that we’re going to LOS ANGELES?” Heidi nods her head to her friend. “Oh my gosh you guys, we’re going to L.A!!!”

“Ok hold up,” Craig says, “... It says that our flight is in five hours.” Everyone stops their actions and looks at each other. Cartman places his empty plate of food on the dining room table and cracks his back. 

“Well, I’m going home to get ready.” Everyone immediately drops their plates on the dining room table and runs out of the room to their bedrooms, packs up their stuff, and drives back to their houses, but Wendy immediately whistles to get everyone’s attention,

“OK, OK, HOLD ON EVERYONE MEET UP AT STAN’S HOUSE IN TWO HOURS, WE ARE NOT GONNA BE LATE FOR OUR FLIGHT!!!”

 

Two hours later, Stan is sitting along in his living room with his two carry on packs in silence. 

“Goddamnit guys.” He says in exasperation. Out of boredom, Stan walks into his kitchen to get a snack, and opens the refrigerator. The first thing that immediately catches his eye is a pack of ice cold beer. Stan stares at the drink in awe, fantasizing about all the flavors of alcohol run down his throat-

_ Slam. _ And all it took was to remember how important Kyle is to him. His doorbell rings, and Stan walks over to it.

It’s Craig. Just Craig. 

“Hey.”

“Hey. Come inside.” 

“Thanks.”

“Yup.” Craig sets down his duffel bags next to Stan’s luggages. They sit across from each other on the couch in silence. 

“...” 

“...” 

“So…” 

“So…” They both ask at the same time.

“What?”

“What?”

“Oh, you go first.”

“Oh, you go first.” 

“No dude, it’s alright.”

“No dude, it’s alright.” Craig jumps straight out of his seat, at the exact same time Stan does. 

“Ok,” Stan begins, “Just to make ourselves clear, we are NOT related.”

“Definitely. And whatever happens to the both of us in this show, STAYS on the show.” 

“Agreed.” 

“Glad we could come to a conclusion.” 

“Yup.” Both boys sit back down on the couch in awkward silence. A knock is heard from the window, and Nichole’s grinning face is seen from the outside. 

“Goddamnit.”

“Goddamnit.” Both boys look at eachother in the eye, and think the exact same thing.

_ “I can’t help but feel like I’m staring at my reflection.” _

_ “I can’t help but feel like I’m staring at my reflection.” _

“HELLO?!” Nichole yells from outside, “IS THE MANLIEST MAN GONNA OPEN THE DOOR FOR ME OR WHAT!?” Both Stan and Craig stand up immediately, but the door is somehow unlocked from the outside. As the door opens, Red is holding a lockpicking kit in her hands. 

“You assholes are done having a measuring contest or what?”

_ “Goddamnit, the worst possible people just happen to be in this house right now.” _

_ “Goddamnit, the worst possible people just happen to be in this house right now.” _

 

Thirty minutes later, everyone shows up at Stan’s house with their things packed, makeup on, and smiles plastered on their face. Wendy takes a glance at her phone and her smile is erased. 

“EVERYONE GET OUTSIDE AND GET INTO A CAR AND MOVE!!!” Everyone scrambles outside of Stan’s house and into random cars. 

“Wait!” Clyde yells, being pushed around by everyone, “Which car do I get into!” Heidi runs past Clyde and jumps into the Black Tahoe, 

“You have a choice between a black Tahoe, a Blue Odyssey, and a Brown Jeep!” Clyde follows Heidi into the Black Tahoe and throws his luggages in the trunk. 

 

… 

 

_ Blue Odyssey Team: Driver: Token. Passengers: Jimmy, Cartman, Butters, Red _

 

“Wait,” Token says, driving along the highway, “who exactly is in this car?” Token glances at the mirror and looks at everyone’s faces. 

 

“I got in the wrong car.” Red sighs. Token brakes at the red light, and Cartman eats his hot cheetos with his mouth open. “Cartman stop it!” 

 

“Fuck off bitch! I’mma do what I want!” 

 

“You’re getting hot powder all over my sweater jackass!”

 

“‘Myehh I’m Rebecca and I’m a bitch myehh’”

 

“I- I hate how I have to sit in between you guys.”

 

“Token!” Butters yells, “you’re making a right in ten miles!” 

 

“Thanks Butters.” Token says.

 

“How are you getting shit on this side of the car!?” Red yells, throwing a scrunched candy wrapper at Cartman’s head. Cartman dodges the wrapper, and throws a chip at Red’s face, but she catches it in her mouth. 

 

“Nye- heh- heh- heh- heh- heh! I didn’t wash my hands!” 

 

“AAAH I’M GONNA MURDER YOU!”

 

“Try me bitch!” 

 

“You have nine point nine miles Token!”

 

“Thanks Butters!”

 

“Screw you guys.” Jimmy sighs.

 

“Token! This bitch is trying to fucking kill me, pull over!”

 

“STOP ABRUPTLY TOKEN AND MAYBE CARTMAN’S HEAD CAN CRACK AGAINST THE WINDOW!!!”

 

“Nine point eight miles Token!” 

 

“”F- f- fuck you guys.” 

 

“AAH!!! EVERYONE SHUT THE HELL UP OR ELSE I’M TURNING THIS CAR AROUND!!!”

 

_ Black  _ Tahoe Team _ : Driver: Heidi. Passengers: Wendy, Clyde, Tweek, Kenny. _

 

“AAH!!!” Tweek screams in shotgun seat, “HEIDI WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BAD DRIVER!?”

 

“Hey!” Heidi yells, making a sharp brake at the red light, “You should see Bebe’s driving! That’s the scariest crap you’ll ever experience!” 

 

“I DON’T WANNA NAVIGATE ANYMORE!!!” Tweek throws Heidi’s phone in the backseat, and Clyde catches it. Wendy snatches the phone out of Clyde’s hands and begins to read through the directions. 

 

“Heidi make a left on Strawberry Street!”  _ SHARP LEFT. _ “Get on the freeway on the right in five miles!”

 

“Gotta change lanes now!”

 

“NOOO! DON’T CHANGE LANES! DON’T CHANGE LANGES!”

 

“WAHHH WE’RE GONNA DIE!”

 

“Guys calm down, I’m not that bad.”  _ SHARP RIGHT.  _ Kenny grips onto the handlebar next to his seat for his life in complete silence. 

 

“HEIDI!” Wendy yells, “I’M DRIVING, PULL OVER!”

 

“Fuck that!” Heidi says, “I’m not letting my permit go to waste, I need as much practice as possible!”

 

“YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR LICENSE!?”

“YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR LICENSE!?”

“YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR LICENSE!?”

“YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR LICENSE!?”

“YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR LICENSE!?”

 

“Oh, and you guys haven’t done something illegal before in your life!”

 

_ Brown Jeep Team: Driver- Kyle. Craig, Nichole, Bebe, Stan _

 

“What the hell is this?” Craig asks in the back seat.  _ Sweet Disposition  _ plays in the background. Kyle glances at Craig through the rear mirror.

“ _ Sweet Disposition.” _

 

“We should all sing.” Nichole says, looking at her phone, “I have the lyrics on my phone right now. Screw it, we’re doing it!” 

 

“No.” Craig says, “We aren’t singing anything.” 

 

“Too late! Singing mode is on!”

 

Nichole: Sweet disposition! Never too soon! 

 

Bebe: A reckless abandon! Like no one’s watching you!

 

Nichole: A moment of love.

 

Stan: A dream.

 

Kyle: Aloud.

 

Nichole: A kiss.

 

Bebe: A cry. 

 

Stan: Our rights.

 

Kyle: Our wrongs.

 

“Craig!” Nichole yells, “I’m telling your Tweekers~ that you weren’t including yourself in friendship bonding activities.”

 

“I’m already allowing myself to be in the same car with Marsh.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“Fuck you too.” Kyle smirks from the drivers seat, and takes his phone out at the red light. 

 

“I have his number on speed dial.” Stan and Craig jerks his head at Kyle in surprise, “Yes, Tweek and I are friends idiots.”

 

“Ugh, fine, I’ll sing. Repeat everything Broflovski.” 

 

Nichole: Sweet disposition! Never too soon! 

 

Bebe: A reckless abandon! Like no one’s watching you!

 

Nichole: A moment of love.

 

Stan: A dream.

 

Kyle: Aloud.

 

Nichole: A kiss.

 

Bebe: A cry. 

 

Stan: Our rights.

 

Kyle: Our wrongs.

 

Craig: A moment of love!

 

Everyone jerks their head to Craig, who jumps in surprise at everyone staring at him. 

 

“What?” Bebe drops her jaw in surprise, 

 

“You can actually sing! Wait, do that again.”

 

Craig: A moment of love!

 

“Hah! I have that line recorded on my phone, I’m sending it to Tweek!” 

 

“What!? No!”

 

“Too late! It’s already sending. Oop! I… ‘Accidently’ sent it to the group chat on Snapchat!”

 

“Bebe you mother-”

 

_ *ping* _

 

_ CLICHE FOOLS G.C _

 

_ Klydeiskool: CRAIG! _

 

_ Klydeiskool: YOU CAN SING! WTF! _

 

_ superC: fuck off _

 

_ INEEDCAFFEINE: Aww! _

 

_ INEEDCAFFEINE: That was adorable :)  _

 

_ itsnotREBECCA: Cousin what the hell?  _

 

_ itsnotREBECCA: I’m sending this to Tricia.  _

 

_ superC: NO!!! _

 

_ itsnotREBECCA: Too late! _

 

_ MysteriKen: Karen just sent it to me ;) _

 

_ SkyKy: Ike just messaged me this BS. _

 

_ superC: NO!!! _

 

_ superC: eyes on the road broflovski _

 

_ MARSHWALKER: Hey dont tell Kyle what to do. _

 

_ MARSHWALKER: He can kill everyone in the car if he wants to. _

 

_ YaYaoiChole: …  _

 

_ B3b3:...  _

 

_ Skyky: You’re in the same car as me Stan, and we’re at a red light, we hit traffic.  _


	17. IRLEH P2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adventures of the Cliche gang in traffic.

Token sits up in the midst of traffic in the driver’s seat. His eyes barely open over his exhaustion to Cartman and Red’s bickering in the back seat, and he sips his coffee in exhaustion. Butters sleeps on his seat, curled up into a little ball. Red and Cartman, now tired over exhaustion has fallen asleep against the doors of the car. Jimmy has also fallen asleep, but is in slumber sitting up with his head looking up. 

 

“Token!” Token hears his name from outside. 

 

“Fuck I’m going insane…” Token says to himself.

 

“Token! Token open your eyes!” Token looks outside his window, and sees Clyde sticking his head outside of the window of the car. 

 

“Clyde stick your head back in the car!”

 

“Token!” Cartman glares at Token with droopy eyes, “I’m tryna sleep! Piece of shit!”

 

“Shut up Cartman.”

 

“Token I’m borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrred!”

 

“I know I am too Clyde but you need to stick your head back in the car!” Bebe opens the sunroof from the Jeep and stands up to see the traffic. 

 

“Holy shit! Maybe this isn’t worth it. Oh wait!” Nichole forces Bebe to sit back down and stands up to overlook the traffic,

 

“Let me see bitch! Oh my gosh guys it’s Clyde! He’s sticking his head out the window!” Craig’s attention is captured upon Nichole’s words, and forces her to sit down. Craig stands up and takes a look for himself. 

 

“Clyde!” Craig yells, “Stick your head back in the car dumbass!” Clyde turns around to see Craig flipping him off. Red opens her window and sticks her head and looks at Wendy through her window. 

 

“WENDY!!!”

 

“WHAT RED!?”

 

“SWITCH SPOTS WITH ME!!!”

 

“WHAT!? NO WAY THAT’S SO DANGEROUS RED!”

 

“I HATE CARTMAN!”

 

“I’M SORRY JUST DEAL WITH HIM A LITTLE LONGER!”

 

“NO!!!”

 

“Hah!” Cartman snickers, “Suffer through my rath bitch!” 

 

“Ahh!” Craig stands up through the sunroof and spots Tweek in Heidi’s car. 

 

“Tweekers!” Tweek sticks his head outside of the car and looks at Craig waing to him. 

 

“What!?”

 

“Hi! I love you!”

 

“I love you too Craig!” 

 

“WENDY!!! I NEED ASSISTANCE! S. O. FUCKING S! RED NEEDS HELP!!! HELP RED!!!”

 

“Red!” Token yells, “Stick your head back in the car!” 

 

“TOKEN ENTERTAIN ME!”

 

“Clyde stick your head back in the car! Wait a minute CRAIG! TWEEK! STICK YOUR HEAD BACK IN THE CAR! HOLY SHIT EVERYONE!” Jimmy awakens through the commotion, but closes his eyes to pretend he’s asleep so people won’t bother him. 

 

“SOMEONE HELP RED! RED NEEDS HELP!” Wendy sighs in exasperation and unbuckles her seatbelt. Kenny’s attention perks up and he stares at Wendy.

 

“Whatever you’re about to do isn’t a good idea.”

 

“I know but she needs to be quiet.”

 

“Hey! Seatbelts on Wendy! I don’t want to get in trouble!” Heidi yells, tuning through the radio. Tweek screams in complete discomfort, and bangs his fists against the dashboard. Bebe pulls Craig down from the sun roof and stands up to get a view on what’s going on. Kyle looks at Bebe through the rear view mirror, and shakes his head, choosing to ignore everything that’s going on. Stan takes his headphones out of his ear and turns around to see half of Bebe’s body outside of the car.

 

“What the hell is going on?”

 

“I’m overlooking the populace!”

 

“Alright.” 

 

“OH MY GOSH WENDY AND RED ARE GETTING OUT OF THEIR CARS!” Stan and Craig’s attention perks up, and they stick their heads outside of the car. 

 

“RED YOU IDIOT!!!” Craig yells, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”

 

“WENDY GET BACK IN THE CAR!!!” 

 

“AHH!!!” Tweek yells, covering his eyes in fear. Heidi notices the commotion, and high beams Wendy to get back in the car. Kyle peaks outside through his window, and unbuckles his seatbelt, but clicks it back in, choosing to watch everything go down. Heidi continues to tune through the radio.

 

“Hey guys what do you want to listen to?”

 

“WIIIIIIIIINDY COME HERE AND ENTERTAIN ME!” Cartman wails through his window. Token looks back at Wendy and Red running through the traffic and closes his eyes, hoping that the girls don’t die in the process. 

 

“Wait what do you guys think about Bruno Mars?” 

 

“AHH!”

 

“Me too Tweek, me too.” Nichole pulls Bebe down from the sun roof and stands up to get a view of the whole thing. The surrounding drivers are staring at Wendy and Red in confusion, but chooses not to do anything about it. Nichole peers through traffic, and in the distance, she sees cars slowly inching forward. 

 

“AAH WENDY RED HURRY UP AND RUN!”

 

“WE DON’T EXACTLY HAVE A LOT OF ROOM TO MOVE AROUND!”

 

“SHUT UP RED YOU’RE LIKE FIVE FEET TALL YOU CAN MOVE THROUGH ANYTHING!!!”

 

“WELL EXCUSE ME IF I’M MORE FLAT CHESTED!”

 

“WIINDY HURRY UP AND GET IN HERE!”

 

“Wait guys what do you think about Adele? Is this an Adele moment right now?” 

 

_ I LET IT FALL, MY HEART, _

 

Nichole stands up through the sunroof and notices the music coming out of Heidi’s car. 

 

“YAAZ HEIDI BLAST THAT SHIT UP!”

 

_ AND AS IT FELL, YOU ROSE TO CLAIM IT.  _

 

_ IT WAS DARK, AND I WAS OVER _

 

_ UNTIL YOU KISSED MY LIPS, AND YOU SAVED ME. _

 

“Guys let’s all sing right now! Screw it, we’re doing it! Rewind that shit Heidi!” 

 

Nichole: I let it fall, my heart. And as it fell, you rose to claim it!

 

Red: It was dark, and I was over, until you kissed my lips and you saved me!

 

Stan: My hands, they’re strong. But my knees were far to weak.

 

Craig and Tweek: To stand, in your arms, Without falling to your feet. 

 

Butters: But there’s a side, to you,

 

Butters and Kyle: That I never knew, never knew.

 

Kyle: All the things, you’d say.

 

Kyle and Cartman: They were never true, never true,

 

Cartman: And the games you play,

 

Heidi and Cartman: You would always win, always win!

 

Wendy: BUT I SET,

 

Everyone: FIRE! TO THE RAIN!

 

Jimmy: W- w- watched it pour as I, to- to- touched your face!

 

Craig: Well it burned

 

Clyde: When I cried!

 

Kenny: Cause I heard you screaming Out your name,

 

Everyone: Your name! 

 

Token: When I lay, with you. I could stay there,

 

Token and Stan: Close my eyes!

 

Butters: Feel you here, forever!

 

Red: You and me together nothing gets better!

 

Tweek: Cause there’s a side, to you

 

Tweek and Wendy: That I never knew, never knew

 

Wendy: All the things, you’d say,

 

Wendy and Bebe: They were never true, never true, 

 

Bebe: And the games, you play,

 

Kenny and Bebe: You would always win, always win!

 

Jimmy: I SET,

 

Everyone: FIRE! TO THE RAIN! WATCHED IT POUR AS I, TOUCHED YOUR FACE!

 

Kenny: Well it burned,

 

Clyde: While I cried!

 

Stan: Cause I heard it screaming out your name,

 

Everyone: Your name! 

 

“OH MY GOSH!” Heidi yells, “WENDY! RED! HURRY YOUR ASS UP! WE’RE MOVING! WHY DID YOU GUYS JUST MOVE SLOWER WHILE WE WERE ALL SINGING!?!?”

 

“I can’t sing when I’m out of breath Heidi! Life doesn’t work like that!” Red yells. Eventually, Red and Wendy run pass each other with a high five, and they begin the sprint back to the other cars.

 

“Halfway there!” Wendy yells. 

 

“Fuck it I’m jumping on top of the cars!” Red screams. Craig stands up from the sun roof and uses his phone to close in on Red. 

 

“RED! YOU FUCKING IDIOT WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” 

 

“WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE!? I’M FUCKING JUMPIN ON TOP OF CARS!”

 

“I don’t fucking care anymore.” One of the drivers says. Eventually, Red makes it to Heidi’s car. Kenny opens the door for Red and he pulls her in. 

 

“I’M FREE!!!” Red yells, and collapses on top of Clyde in exhaustion. 

 

“Ahh Red get off of me!” Clyde yells. 

 

“Red do you want to listen to Adele some more? Nichole’s probably gonna make us sing more if we do.” Heidi asks. 

 

“AHH!” Bebe screams from the sun roof, “WENDY THE CARS ARE MOVING!” 

 

“What!?” Wendy yells, sliding past a Nissan Leaf. The cars slowly inch forward past Wendy, leaving little and little space to move around. 

 

“WENDY AHH!” Tweek yells, using Heidi’s beanie to shield his face from the commotion. Token slams his high beams on and off to motion to Wendy to move faster, but the slow motion of the cars makes it harder and harder to move. Stan lowers his window to see the commotion and bites his hand in terror. 

 

“Move your head Marsh I can’t see!” Craig yells, half his body outside of the car. 

 

“WENDY MOVE!”

 

“I’M TRYING!” Kyle taps his wheel anxiously over Wendy’s state of being, but pulls his ushanka over his face to hide the potential outcomes. Cartman sticks his head out the window and notices Wendy nearly caught in between two trucks. 

 

“Wendy!” Cartman yells, “Jump as high as you can, and land your feet in between the trucks!” Wendy follows Cartman’s orders, and squats down and and lifts her feet up with a strong jump. 

 

“AHH!!!”

“AHH!!!”

“AHH!!!”

“AHH!!!”

“AHH!!!”

“AHH!!!”

“AHH!!!”

“AHH!!!”

“AHH!!!”

“AHH!!!”

“AHH!!!”

“AHH!!!”

“AHH!!!”

“AHH!!!” Through everyone’s screams and tears (mainly Clyde’s), Wendy lands her feet on the bumper and trunk of the two trucks. Wendy balances herself on the trunk of the left truck and hops over to the Camry across from her. Cartman opens the door, and Wendy jumps in the car, just in time before a motorcycle runs her over. 

 

_ Cliche Fools G.C _

 

_ WhenDyl: I AM NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN! _

 

_ itsnotREBECCA: That was honestly fun _

 

_ WhenDyl: It was, but never AGAIN! _

 

_ MARSHWALKER: You guys are fucking stupid. _

  
  
  



	18. Chapter frehfreh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy confronts Kyle and Butters. Wendy acts with Kyle. Stan and Craig wants hugs. Cartman and Wendy come to a realization. Nichole and Red confront Jimmy. Heidi and Cartman argue. Token chases Bebe. Craig gets his hugs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what you're thinking... "Why the fuck is this bitch so late with updating their shit" Well I don't have an excuse for that. BUT I can tell you that Cosco food is hella tasty.

_ Previously on Cliche…  _

 

_ Jimmy makes first contact with Butters. For what reasons, no one knows…  _

 

**_Butters: W- was there something else you needed Jimmy?_ **

**_Jimmy: You s- s- s- seem to be doing pretty well in the competition so far. You jumped pretty far in the standings than usual._ **

**_Butters: Well yeah, I’m trying my best you know!_ **

**_Jimmy: Butters, who do y- y- you think is the most dangerous person in this competition?_ **

**_Butters: Oh gee… I don’t really like gossiping._ **

**_Jimmy: This is just between you and me._ **

**_Butters: Oh well… Honestly, I think that Bebe’s pretty dangerous._ **

**_Jimmy: Who else?_ **

**_Butters: Well… I think that Eric is pretty dangerous also._ **

**_Jimmy:... A- a- are you *Bleep* kidding me?_ **

_ The elimination ceremony began, and Clyde wins first place…  _

**_Clyde: OH MY GOSH AMERICA LOVES ME!!! WAHHH!!!_ **

**_Token: CLYDE I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!_ **

**_B_ ** **_ebe: CLYDE I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!!!_ **

_ Bebe and Token, despite being frontrunner competitors at the beginning of the competition, received the bottom two places. However, Bebe comes out on top, with Token receiving last place.  _

 

_ Who will fight who? _

 

_ Who will come out on top? _

 

_ Find out on this week’s episode of Cliche…  _

 

_ …  _

 

_ *Montage of birds flying through the night sky* _

 

_ *Montage of the moon rising* _

 

_ …  _

 

_ Welcome back to Cliche! The contestants are walking back inside the house…  _

 

**Heidi confessional**

**Heidi: *Sigh*... So. Looks like everyone was right, Bebe’s insane. But that’s ok, she landed in the bottom, it’s alright. I just have to make sure that she stays there, I think that she’s the most competition at the moment.**

 

Heidi: Well I’m *Bleep* tired. 

 

Cartman: No one cares *Bleep*.

 

*Close up on Kenny’s face*

 

**Kenny confessional**

**Kenny: Ok look, I’m all for *Bleep* whoever the *Bleep* you want to fuck. I’ve always wanted to suck Tucker’s dick… and well, everyone else’s dick, I’ll admit that, BUT Heidi and Cartman shouldn’t even be in the same room as one another.**

 

_ Kenny walks in to the kitchen with a big smirk on his face.  _

 

Heidi: Cartman can I ask you something?

 

Cartman: No.

 

Heidi: Why do you keep talking to me?

 

Nichole: Oh *Bleep* about to go down!

 

Heidi: We haven’t spoken to each other in like years, and now that we’ve been thrown in this competition you’ve been verbally abusing me left and right. 

 

Cartman: *BLEEP* YOU’RE THE ONE THAT SPOKE TO ME TO BEGIN WITH!

 

Heidi: ONLY BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO MAKE THINGS BETTER WITH US!

 

Craig: Wait a minute didn’t Heidi just got over Cartman like a couple of episodes ago?

 

Tweek: Craig~ I need help reaching the top cabinet, you’re the tallest person here, can you help me? I’m just SO helpless right now… 

 

_ Kyle smirks from the top of the stairs with plans brewing in his head.  _

 

Craig: Y- yeah I can help! 

 

Jimmy: Hey Kyle.

 

Kyle: What is it Jimmy?

 

Jimmy: So I’ve noticed something about your alliance with Tweek.

 

Kyle: What about it?

 

Jimmy: You ha- ha- haven’t done anything.

 

Kyle: Excuse me?

 

Jimmy: Well, Craig’s been getting cun- cun- consistently lower places than almost everyone here, which is all thanks to Tweek’s d- d- d-oing of course.

 

Kyle: And?

 

Jimmy: But as for St- st- Stan still has a lot of po- po-- Stan still has alot of potential.

 

Kyle: Wait what? No, Stan got 10th and 11th place!

 

Jimmy: That m- m- might be true, but Tweek has more progress with getting into Craig’s p- p- pants. 

 

Kyle: The goal isn’t to get into their pants-

 

Jimmy: Are you sure? Because you’ve b- b- been saying that you’ll hit Stan when he’s drunk, but well… 

 

Stan: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!

 

_ Stan walks up the stairs to where Kyle and Jimmy stand, and Stan tackles Kyle to the ground with an echoing thud.  _

 

Kyle: Agh! Stan get the *Bleep* off of me!

 

Stan: Kyle I love you!

 

Kyle: Stan!

 

Stan: But Kyle I’m afraid to talk about my feelings because of my own insecurities… 

 

Kyle: What insecurities you’re *Bleep* perfect-

 

_ Everyone in the house gasps in surprise, and Stan nuzzles his head into Kyle’s chest. Stan’s alcoholic breath lingers in Kyle’s nose, but somehow, he doesn’t find it disgusting.  _

 

Jimmy: Maybe I should leave you two alone… 

 

Kyle: W- wait what? No wait Stan get off of me!

 

Stan: Kyyyyyyyyyyyyyle… 

 

Kyle: If you *Bleep* loved me then you would say it to my face sober *Bleep*.

 

Stan: Mmm… 

 

Kyle: S- Stan? 

 

Stan: Kyle… Can I touch you?

 

_ Nichole sprints up the stairs with Red dragged along for the ride  _

 

Nichole: DO IT!

 

_ Nichole throws a condom at Stan’s head, but Stan ignores it and licks his lips at Kyle being pinned down on the floor.  _

 

Kyle: Ok no, no, this isn’t ok, I’m saying no to this. 

 

Nichole: Oh ok, sorry. I’m leaving the condom there just in case. 

 

Kyle: Thanks Nichole.

 

Red: *Bleep* got me excited for no damn reason. 

 

Stan: Kyyyyyyyyyle… 

 

Kyle: Stan you need to get off of me. 

 

Stan: But Kyyyyyyyle you get me sooooooooooooo hard… 

 

Kyle: I don’t care Stan, you’re drunk and dumb, get off of me. 

 

Stan: Can I just lay on top of you like this?

 

Kyle: No, you can’t. Stan, I said to get off of me and your knee is literally in a place where it shouldn’t be right now. 

 

Stan: But Kyle… 

 

Kyle: You’re still on top of me Stan, this is making me very uncomfortable. 

 

Stan: But I miss talking to you…

 

Kyle: I don’t care Stan I tried talking to you but you haven’t cooperated with me, you overreacted over something so stupid, and I know that you’re looking at my *Bleep* when you're sober.

 

Stan: But I wanna cuddle with you… 

 

Kyle: Tell me that when you’re sober.

 

Stan: But I don’t like being sober… 

 

Kyle: Why not?

 

Stan: I don’t like myself… I like you though… 

 

Kyle: Thanks Stan. But you need to get off of me. 

 

Stan: I want to cuddle though… 

 

Kyle: If we cuddle will you get off of me?

 

Stan: Mmm… 

 

Kyle: That’s not a yes Stan.

 

Stan: Can you pet me?

 

Kyle: What? No!

 

Stan: Scratch me behind my ear… 

 

Kyle: No- ugh- SOMEONE HELP ME!

 

Tweek: I would help you but-

 

Craig: *Purr*.

 

Tweek: Craig’s high and curled up against me. Wait a minute where’s Clyde, Bebe, and Token? 

 

Red: Who the *Bleep* cares, I’m going to bed while it’s still peaceful. 

 

Kyle: Wait CAN SOMEONE GET THIS *BLEEP* DOG OFF OF ME?!

 

Wendy: He’s your responsibility~!

 

Kyle: Wendy help!

 

Wendy: I don’t like touching Stan when he’s drunk… I feel like I need to take a shower after. 

 

Kyle: Oh, and you think I don’t feel the same way?

 

Wendy: You’re the one that gets aroused when he’s around.

 

Kyle: WENDY! 

 

Red: Welp, it’s not peaceful anymore, I’ll just eat whatever’s the in fridge.

 

Nichole: All that’s inside is the *Bleep* Jimmy baked.

 

Red: Well I don’t want to get diarrhea. 

 

Kyle: WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A *BLEEP*!?

 

Wendy: *Bleep* you Kyle! You’re the one that wants Stan!

 

Stan: I want your *Bleep* Kyle… 

 

Kyle: Shut up Stan- AND GET OFF OF ME! *Bleep* you Wendy you strung him along for years!

 

_ Tweek’s attention is averted to the second floor fight, and questions what Kyle is doing.  _

 

**Tweek confession**

**Tweek: Gah, I thought Kyle and Wendy were in an alliance! I think they’re just acting though.**

 

Nichole: Wait Red there’s leftover pasta from yesterday!

 

Jimmy: Guys I lo- lo- lost my shoes again. 

 

Wendy: I strung HIM along? ME?

 

Kyle: Shut up Wendy, you know for a *Bleep* fact that you made Stan do all these unnecessary boyfriend things and never appreciated him!

 

Nichole: Oh ok wait, this smells terrible, what the hell? We literally made this yesterday. Heidi come over here and smell it! 

 

Heidi: *BLEEP* YOU CARTMAN!

 

Cartman: You’re the dumb *Bleep* who fell for me to begin with!

 

Heidi: OH REALLY? I SEEM TO RECALL A DIFFERENT MEMORY!

 

Wendy: “Unnecessary boyfriend things? Really Kyle? You were just jealous that I had his attention twenty four *Bleep* seven!

 

Red: Oh *Bleep* this smells terrible- Jimmy did you poison the pasta too!?

 

Jimmy: M- m- maybe.

 

Red: I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW AND YOU DO THIS TO ME!? WHY!?

 

Cartman: *Bleep* you *Bleep* you’ve got a *Bleep* mind of a *Bleep* on meth! You got *Bleep* corns!

 

Nichole: Ok wait, we can just make some of this instant ramen!

 

_ Bebe runs inside the house carrying a very stiff and uncomfortable Clyde bridal style.  _

 

Bebe: AHH!!!

 

_ Token runs inside the house with a knife in hand, ready to stab Bebe.  _

 

Bebe: THIS *BLEEP* IS TRYING TO *BLEEP* KILL ME!

 

Red: Ok but like kimchi ramen or chicken flavor ramen?

 

Jimmy: Maybe you should t- t- try the ramen that smells like b- b- bleach.

 

Red: OH MY GOSH YOU POISONED THE RAMEN TOO?!

 

Nichole: JIMMY HOW COULD YOU!?

 

Cartman: I CAN COUNT THREE INSTANCES IN OUR RELATIONSHIP WHERE YOU COULD NOT SHUT THE *BLEEP* UP!

 

Kyle: WELL MAYBE I DO WANT TO SUCK STAN’S DICK!?

 

Wendy: WELL I PROBABLY SUCKED IT BETTER!

 

Stan: Mmm I want to cuddle…. 

 

Kyle: YOU’RE STILL ON TOP OF ME STAN!

 

Heidi: WELL I CAN GO ON FOR DAYS TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU RUINED MY LIFE! *BLEEP*!

 

Token: STAND STILL BEBE SO I CAN *BLEEP* MURDER YOU!

 

Bebe: Clyde just hang on tight I’M RUNNING AWAY FROM A PSYCHOPATH!

 

Clyde: WAAHAA! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME!

 

Token: Shh Clyde just stop crying!

 

Bebe: Shh Clyde just stop crying!

 

_ Kenny walks into the living room, but lowers his head and walks upstairs to his and Butters’s room.  _

 

Butters: Hey Ken! What’s happening outside?

 

Kenny: Sleep. Everyone just needs sleep.

 

Butters: Aw gee, you’re right. Let’s go to sleep too!

 

Kenny: Sounds like a great plan Buttercup!

 

_ The fight wages on for the next two hours, but everyone eventually forgets what they were fighting about, and goes to sleep. _

 

_ *Montage of cars driving* _

 

_ *Montage of the sun rising* _

 

_ The sun rises in Colorado around seven A.M that day, and Jimmy and Butters awake for their turn to make breakfast.  _

 

**Butters Confessional**

**Butters: Before we slept last night, Ken and I were talking about Jimmy. Now I know that Jimmy’s bad news, but something tells me he has a point about something.**

 

_ Butters pours his egg mixture into the saucepan for the omelette, and begins to put ham chunks into the mixture. Jimmy cuts some vegetables for a breakfast salad. Jimmy looks up at Butters occasionally, but Butters looks down in fear over what Jimmy’s about to say.  _

 

Jimmy: So Bu- Bu- Butters… 

 

Butters: Yeah Jimmy? 

 

Jimmy: Do you remember our talk from yesterday?

 

Butters: I sure have Jimmy.

 

Jimmy: A- a- and what do you think about it?

 

Butters: Gee, I don’t know. I don’t want to make any decisions without-

 

Jimmy: Kenny?

 

Butters: Well yeah, Ken said that we’d win the competition together!

 

Jimmy: Butters, you do- do- do- Butters, you don’t need Kenny to win this competition.

 

Butters: I know, I know but-

 

Jimmy: Think about it Butters. Ev- ev- everyone thinks that you’re too innocent, too k- k- kind. And what happens to you? You get st- st- stepped on. 

 

Butters: N- no, that’s not what happens. 

 

Jimmy: Are you sure about that Bu- Bu- Butters? 

 

Butters: Yeah… Yeah, I’m sure! 

 

_ Butters places the omelette onto a serving plate, and finishes off the dish with herbs,  _

 

Butters: And I’ll prove it to you by kicking your *Bleep* in the next round!

 

Jimmy: The offer’s st- st- still up Butters. Just consider it ve- very well. 

 

_ Jimmy steps back into the shadows and disappears.  _

 

Butters: Wait Jimmy you still have to make hamburgers! Aw hamburgers… 

 

_ Cartman meets Wendy in the bathroom upstairs…  _

 

Cartman: What the *Bleep* do you want *Bleep*? 

 

Wendy: I know it’s really early-

 

Cartman: Really early!? It’s not even eight *Bleep* o’clock!!!

 

Wendy: Shh, Cartman this is about our alliance!

 

Cartman: What the *Bleep* do you want Windy?

 

Wendy: You’re failing each challenge!

 

Cartman: Nuh- uh! You’re just perceiving me as failing each challenge!

 

Wendy: Getting third to last place is still terrible Cartman!

 

Cartman: Nuh- uh!

 

Wendy: Stop being a child! 

 

Cartman: The *Bleep* do you want me to do!? Half of the people in this game that says they’re in an alliance isn’t even doing anything! They’re just in an alliance to say they’re in an alliance!

 

Wendy: Well let’s be the first alliance to actually succeed! Look, I already have Kyle as an ally, all I have to do is get Tweek to open up-

 

Cartman: His *Bleep* to Craig’s dick-

 

Wendy: Or the other way around-

 

Cartman: Windy Windy Windy… Windy Testaburger, 

 

Wendy: Stop saying my full name.

 

Cartman: I can’t do that Windy Testaburger. You don’t know anything about gay couples… They very obviously mirror traditional straight relationships, where the feminine one, Tweek, takes the masculine one’s, Craig’s, dick, that’s just how it is. 

 

Wendy: Shut up Cartman-

 

Cartman: Windy, I’ve known Kyahl for years, do you know how much he wants to stick Stan’s dick inside his *Bleep* and ride it?

 

Wendy: Are you implying that Kyle’s submissive?

 

Cartman: Everyone knows that Jews need more… help. And Kyahl’s gay AND he’s a Jew, you should know this Windy, you’re an honorary Yaoi Fangirl of America. 

 

Wendy: Ok wait are you implying that I’m submissive? Because I’ve had sex with Stan a handful of times-

 

Cartman: Windy, Windy, Windy, you’re a strong… Independent… Woman.

 

Wendy: I am… 

 

Cartman: Strong. Independent. Woman. That also has a brain, and  _ uses  _ it. 

 

Wendy: Yeah… I do- Wait shut up Cartman! I know what you’re doing!

 

Cartman: Think about it Windy, what does your fanfiction say about Kyahl?

 

Wendy: He has a big *Bleep*.

 

Cartman: And what does it say about Stan?

 

Wendy: He has a big dick.

 

Cartman: And you’ve seen it. And well, we both know that big *Bleep* goes well with big dicks. 

 

Wendy: Cartman stop trying to manipulate me! We’re supposed to be working together!

 

Cartman: Maybe YOU’RE trying to manipulate me!

 

Wendy: Well maybe I’m manipulating you by having you think that you’re manipulating me into being in an alliance with me?

 

Cartman: Well maybe I’m manipulating you by making you think that you’re manipulating me manipulating you into manipulating me into being in an alliance with you?

 

Wendy: I’m not playing this game right now Cartman! We need a solid plan that’s outlined  _ physically  _ on a hard copy of paper as proof of your commitment!

 

Cartman: No, I’ll just cut myself and wipe my blood all over the wall so  _ everyone  _ can see it!

 

Wendy: I don’t need your attitude right now!

 

Cartman: Myeh my name is Windy Testaburger, and I need a piece of paper to know that my alliance is legit- That’s not how reality shows work Windy! You can’t just make everything functional on reality television, that’s not how life works!

 

Wendy: AGH! You are insufferable!

 

Cartman: And you’re an annoying *Bleep*!!!

 

Wendy: AGH! I’m going to bed. 

 

Nichole: Guys I need to *Bleep* hurry up!

 

Wendy: Shut up Nichole!

 

Cartman: Shut up Nichole!

 

_ *Montage of the sun rising again* _

 

_ Let’s see what Tweek’s up to…  _

 

_ Tweek sleeps soundly in his bed, cuddled up with his blanket surrounding him. The little twitchy blonde silently breaths in and out, all while Craig holds him tightly. _

 

**Craig confessional**

**Craig: I took Tweek to bed last night just in case** **_Marsh_ ** **touches him while he slept. I’ve been awake since four in the morning, making sure that Tweek’s safe. He’s soooooooo cute while sleeping.**

 

_ Tweek’s eyes open slightly, and he rubs his hand against his eyes to be rid of the crust, and slowly drifts back to sleep. That is until he feels the warm breath of someone behind him. Tweek’s eyes bolt open, and he slowly turns around to see Craig staring at him with a slight smile.  _

 

Craig: Good morning Tweekers~!

 

… 

 

_ *Downstairs* _

 

Stan: *Bleep* I’m so hungover… What happened last night?

 

Kenny: Well-

 

Kyle: Don’t. Say. Anything. 

 

Heidi: Well I slept pretty well-

 

Tweek: AHH!!!

 

Red: I guess Tweek’s awake. 

 

_ Everyone looks at each other, uncertain what to do.  _

 

Nichole: I’ll go check!

 

_ Nichole skips upstairs to Tweek’s room, and knocks on the door. _

 

Nichole: Tweek! Breakfast is ready!

 

_ She twists the doorknob, and swings the door open to see an alarming sight.  _

 

_ *Downstairs* _

 

Kenny: Yeah, that’s how you basically clean dildos thoroughly. 

 

Token: Oh I didn’t know that. 

 

Kenny: Well now you know. 

 

Clyde: *Cries incoherently*.

 

Nichole: AHH!!!

 

_ Everyone stares at eachother again. _

 

Kyle: I’ll check on Nichole.

 

Red: Take pictures!

 

_ Kyle walks upstairs to Tweek’s open room, and is alarmed at the sight of Nichole standing in the corner, staring intensely at Craig cradling Tweek in bed.  _

 

Craig: It’s ok Tweekers, just calm down. 

 

Tweek: JUVJDSFDHALJKBDUIL!!!

 

Craig: Shh it’s ok… 

 

Nichole: JEPLJKRBALE!!!

 

_ Tweek stares at the wall as Craig’s muscular arms hold Tweek close to Craig’s body, and is slowly rocked back in forth.  _

 

Kyle: What the *Bleep*?


	19. Chapter Chapter

_ Nichole stairs at the lifeless corpse in front of her. Her once soft and innocent hands are now filled with the blood of one person, all through a pull of a trigger and scream from a terrible person.  _

 

_ “Oh shit…” Nichole says, her hands trembling to the beat of the rain crashing on the ground, “I killed someone…”  _

 

_ “Oh shut up Nichole.” Red says from behind, stabbing a soldier in the neck, blood gushing out at an alarming rate, “this is the second person you killed.” _

 

_ “I know but it’s just so messy.”  _

 

_ “Whatever, this is what MTV gets for being themselves.” _

 

_ “I wonder how everyone else is doing?” _

 

_ “Alive.” _

 

_ “Honestly, I’m just praying that Cartman gets injured, only slightly though.” _

 

_ “SAME. Anyways, we need to meet at the rendezvous point. Heidi and Stan already got the evidence at MTV headquarters.” Nichole nods at Red, and the two girls make their way back into the darkness, where they’re cloaked by nature's own shades of black.  _

 

**REALITY T.V P.O.V**

 

**Nichole confessional**

**Nichole: So** **_Cliche_ ** **asked me to do this little segment to spice things up a bit. Basically what I’m gonna do is force Stan and Craig to switch clothes with each other, and the first person to realize this wins a mini prize for this mini challenge! BUT if no one realizes the change, then Stan, Craig, and I gets an advantage in the next challenge! But first, we have to deal with the current situation!**

 

_ Nichole stares at Craig’s naked body webbed around Tweek’s stiff being. Kyle watches in horror over Craig’s smothering of the small blonde teen.  _

 

Kyle: What the actual *Bleep*. 

 

Craig: Mmm… Tweekers… 

 

Tweek: GAH!!! Why does this happen!? Why can’t you just leave me alone!?

 

Craig: I love you too Tweekers~

 

Tweek: WHY ISN’T ANYONE HELPING ME!!! 

 

Kyle: I’m not touching him.

 

Nichole: Same. 

 

Tweek: NGH- GAH!!!

 

_ Tweek glares at Kyle with eyes of fury, and motions him to come closer to him. _

 

Kyle: What?

 

Tweek: We have made no progress with our alliance! And everyone already knows about it! I think you’re just trying to get Stan to fall for you! You’re trying to hit him when he’s drunk because that’s when he expresses his feelings for you!

 

Kyle: W- what!?

 

Tweek: YOU LIKE IT WHEN HE’S ALL OVER YOU!!!

 

Kyle: WHAT!?

 

Tweek: ADMIT IT KYLE! THE ONLY REASON WHY YOU’RE IN AN ALLIANCE WITH ME IS SO YOU HAVE AN EXCUSE FOR YOUR FETISH! 

 

Kyle: That doesn’t even make sense!

 

Tweek: YOU LIKE IT WHEN STAN’S ALL OVER YOU! HOW CAN ANYONE LIKE THIS!? 

 

Craig: I love you Tweekers~!

 

Tweek: GAH! NO! I DO NOT LOVE YOU!!!

 

… 

 

… 

 

… 

 

“CUT! Just CUT!” Craig, Nichole, Tweek, and Kyle glare at the cameraman in exasperation. Craig jumps off the bed in anger, and stomps towards the cameraman as his dick swings with each step. 

 

“This is the tenth fucking time we shot this scene, the four of us have not ate, and I don’t even know if anyone even watches this damn show anymore!” The guards points their rifles at Craig, and he stands his ground, but not without fear. Nichole and Kyle gasps in the background, and Tweek jumps off the bed in worry over his boyfriend, and jumps in front of Craig,

 

“Wait put the guns down!” Tweek yells, “We’ll shoot the scene again! We’ll shoot the scene again! Well shoot the scene again!” 

 

“This isn’t fucking porn Tweek, they’re just being assholes!” Nichole steps up and walks off the stage, 

 

“Craig’s right! Bebe’s fucking sick and you won’t even let her take Advil, Red has been making the crystal meth since she fucking got here, Stan got a damn panic attack and you won’t even let him just leave the set, and Cartman literally lost all of his weight! This is ridiculous!!!” Kyle bites his lip in fear,

 

“Nichole wait!”

 

“No! This is a disaster!” The guards walk up to Nichole and grabs her arms, “Stop! Let go of me damnit!”

 

“Wait!” Craig yells, “Where are you taking her!?” The cameraman points to a door as Nichole is dragged into another room, and Wendy walks in the room with a gun pointed to her back. Wendy gasps at the sight of Nichole being dragged, but keeps her silence. 

 

“Shoot the scene again!”

 

“Hah!” Nichole yells, using her last bit of strength to yell, “Have fun editing the film with a different person assholes!” 

 

… 

 

… 

 

… 

 

**REALITY T.V POV**

 

**Wendy confessional**

**Wendy: So** **_Cliche_ ** **asked me to do this little segment to spice things up a bit. Basically what I’m gonna do is force Stan and Craig to switch clothes with each other, and the first person to realize this wins a mini prize for this mini challenge! BUT if no one realizes the change, then Stan, Craig, and I gets an advantage in the next challenge! But first, we have to deal with the current situation!**

 

_ Wendy stares in shock over the sight of Craig’s naked body webbed over Tweek. Kyle shakes his head in exasperation over the sight of Craig’s body.  _

 

Kyle: What the actual *Bleep*. 

 

Craig: Mmm… Tweekers… 

 

Tweek: GAH!!! Why does this happen!? Why can’t you just leave me alone!?

 

Craig: I love you too Tweekers~

 

Tweek: WHY ISN’T ANYONE HELPING ME!!! 

 

Kyle: I’m not touching him.

 

Nichole: Same. 

 

Tweek: NGH- GAH!!!

 

_ Tweek glares at Kyle with eyes of fury, and motions him to come closer to him. _

 

Kyle: What?

 

Tweek: We have made no progress with our alliance! And everyone already knows about it! I think you’re just trying to get Stan to fall for you! You’re trying to hit him when he’s drunk because that’s when he expresses his feelings for you!

 

Kyle: W- what!?

 

Tweek: YOU LIKE IT WHEN HE’S ALL OVER YOU!!!

 

Kyle: WHAT!?

 

Tweek: ADMIT IT KYLE! THE ONLY REASON WHY YOU’RE IN AN ALLIANCE WITH ME IS SO YOU HAVE AN EXCUSE FOR YOUR FETISH! 

 

Kyle: That doesn’t even make sense!

 

Tweek: YOU LIKE IT WHEN STAN’S ALL OVER YOU! HOW CAN ANYONE LIKE THIS!? 

 

Craig: I love you Tweekers~!

 

Tweek: GAH! NO! I DO NOT LOVE YOU!!!

 

… 

 

… 

 

… 

 

“Cut! Just stop, stop everything!” Wendy, Craig, Kyle, and Tweek glare in silence at the cameraman. 

 

“Ok, Craig, put your clothes on, get Token in here and make him strip. Replace Wendy with Bebe, Tweek with Clyde, and have Butters instead of Kyle!” Craig slips on his underwear and walks everyone out of the set with guns pointed to their backs. As they walk to the door, Stan, Red, and Cartman bursts into the set with guns in their hands. Cartman quickly snipes all the soldiers and Red runs into the room where Nichole was taken. Stan sprints to the cameraman and tackles him to the floor before he can call for reinforcements. Kyle grabs one of the light posts and runs towards the cameraman as he is held down by Stan. But the cameraman overpowers Stan, and pushes him off. But before he can do anything, Kyle rams the light post into his chest, where the sharp end goes through him. Red runs back into the room with a bruised Nichole. Nichole gasps in surprise at the sight of everyone, and raises her gun towards Cartman. 

 

“What-” Nichole pulls the trigger, and the soldier behind Cartman is shot in the neck. Craig finishes putting on his clothes and sighs in relief.

 

“Let’s get the fuck out of here.” 


	20. OMG it's like this chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An important conversation from the bathtub.

“Hey girl!” She says as she floats in her bathtub, her aquatic sanctuary with rose scented candles and bon bons by her side. 

 

“Hey girl!” Comes from the opposite end. 

 

“Did you watch the latest episode of  _ Cliche  _ yet?” 

 

“What? No, it literally hasn’t aired in like YEARS! Let me look up what the last episode was… Yeah, March 20th was it’s last episode! Like what the hell!”

 

“I know right! Like, I need to know who fucking wins!”

 

“DEFINITELY Cartman.” 

 

“OMG NOT Cartman, literally, ANYONE but Cartman. He literally got called out third to last like A MILLION times.”

 

“Honestly though, you know who does NOT need to win?”

 

“Who?”

 

“Jimmy!”

 

“What? No, I’m fucking rooting for Jimmy!”

 

“He literally tried killing EVERYONE!”

 

“Omg NO, you know who’s gonna end up killing everyone?”

 

“Who?”

 

“CRAIG or RED!”

 

“You mean Rebecca?”

 

“WHATEVER! Like literally, Craig’s a freak!”

 

“He’s fucking hot though!”

 

“He is, but he’s literally so obsessed with Twink or whatever his name is.”

 

“It’s Tweek! I would be obsessed with Tweek too!” 

 

“I know but legit, him and Red are INSANE, like, products of INCEST insane!”

 

“OMG NO INCEST! And aren’t Stan and Craig like brothers or something!”

 

“Yeah, how can they NOT be brothers! Like literally, they are exactly the same! We don’t even need to list the similarities!”

 

“Can we talk about who we think who SHOULD win?”

 

“NICHOLE!”

“NICHOLE!” 

 

“Omg YES!”

 

“YAZ girl!” 

 

“Like legit, she NEEDS to win!”

 

“Isn’t she almost in first place?”

 

“Speaking of first place, can we talk about Kenny?”

 

“Ooh girl he is so fucking fine!”

 

“Like can you be the father of my babies fine?”

 

“Like I don’t want some action with you, but can I just watch you from afar fine?”

 

“Like we all know he’s fucked like twenty other people.”

 

“Like if my S.O looked like that I wouldn’t be surprised if he fucked twenty other people.”

 

“Ok no but like your S.O is like fuckboy status.”

 

“Like Clyde?”

 

“OMG stop, Clyde is so annoying, why is he even close to first place.”

 

“No stop, I LOVE Clyde! Totally ship him with Token!”

 

“Token is ACTUALLY insane.”

 

“Yeah but he has money.”

 

“OMG YES! Like legit, I don’t give a fuck if you have a knife against my throat, let me just take a couple thousand and we’ll call it a day.”

 

“Yes girl!”

 

“Get it!”

 

“Um, can we talk about the bitch in the house for a minute?”

 

“BEBE.”

“BEBE.”

 

“Honestly, fuck Bebe.”

 

“Ok no like legit- Oh wait, Brittany A. and Brittany O. wants to call us.”

 

“OMG, put call us on Skype.”

 

… 

 

… 

 

… 

 

Brittany A.: Hey girls!

Brittany Q.: Hey girls!

Brittany O.: Hey girls!

Brittany R.: Hey girls!

 

Brittany A.: Ok so like what’s the 411?

 

Brittany O.: TELL. US. EVERYTHING!

 

Brittany R.: So we’re talking about  _ Cliche _ !

 

Brittany A: You guys are obsessed.

 

Brittany R: You’re gay guy crush is literally Stan the high school jock.

 

Brittany A: That D though!

 

Brittany Q: OMG no STOP! 

 

Brittany R: Craig’s D though!

 

Brittany Q: NO! IT’S LITERALLY THE SAME D!

 

Brittany A: Speaking about body parts can we talk about Kyle’s ASS for a moment?

 

Brittany Q: OMG YAZ!

Brittany R: OMG YAZ!

Brittany O: OMG YAZ!

 

Brittany: A: Like half his left cheek is like half of me.

 

Brittany R: Like can I have some of that?

 

Brittany Q: Like where can I acquire some of that? 

 

Brittany R: Like PLEASE!

 

Brittany Q: Hold on girls… WHAT MOM!?... I’M TALKING TO MY FRIENDS!... OK FINE! I’m sorry girls, I have to go with my mom.

 

Brittany R: Like what the fuck, she’s old enough to take care of herself.

 

Brittany Q: She just wants someone to stay in the car with her so she can drive carpool.

 

Brittany A: That’s literally what having a boy toy is for. 

 

Brittany Q: I’m sorry girls. Ok Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

 

Brittany A: Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Brittany R: Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Brittany O: Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

 

… 

 

Brittany A: Did you see what she was wearing today? 

**Author's Note:**

> Hate it? Like it? Review it!


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